A Quick UpdateMaybe not so quick once I start writing. Who knows.
I'm still in the house, still sleeping in the spare room. School is going well, but it's tough, and I'm stressed from all angles. My in-laws don't call the house at all (that I know of). My husband talks to them via email mostly, as far as I can tell.
I have been thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now that his parents think I'm such a horrible, evil person simply because I'm unhappy (all because their son hasn't had sex with me in 3 years), I surely can't justify myself going there for either holiday. How awkward will THAT be? I have been tossing the idea around of going out of town to see my mom. I haven't spoken to my husband about it yet, however. No doubt it's going to be another emotionally draining conversation.
Even though I told my husband months ago that I wanted to separate (but didn't because he bawled like a baby) and that I have no desire for him sexually anymore after so long without, he is still trying. He still thinks that somehow I'm going to want sex with him. He's starting testosterone treatments. He found out his testosterone level is at about 7 on a scale of 6-30. I'm dreading it. The thought of sexual intimacy with him gives me anxiety like crazy.
I am feeling so miserable and trapped and CRAZY!