Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why the members here are only being honest about the reality of a sexless marriage,and simply trying to be as truthful about what is possible, and what isn't
When your in a sexless marriage, you have 2 partners, totally living in different places concerning intimacy. The scales are out of balance. If you can imagine a set of scales, where one is 3 feet lower than the other, that is life in a sexless marriage. The longer the sexselessness goes on, the more out of balance the scales become. One member is content, the other miserable, one is in tears, the other in smiles. we are totally out of sync. And so, when it comes to repairing that marriage, starting over that marriage, the starting points are different. Each partner is at a different level. We, the refused,are facing a lot of hurt, misery, tears, that we are now supposed to forgive and forget. We are somehow having to find a way to climb over that mountain of hurt and rejection. Meanwhile, our partners have none of that, and so their investment in us is minimal. They have no idea what we are dealing with, when it comes to the loss of trust in our partner, the fear that is in our heart to trust our partner ever again. They have no idea of the fear in us, of not wanting to trust, and just be hurt all over again. They have no idea the hurt they caused, and so to try and repair something from these two starting points, is like trying to win a race. where you are starting at the same time, but you a are a mile behind your opponent. Your chances of winning that race are pretty impossible.
My spouse and I went for counseling, but to be honest, the counselor never even discussed this difference in balance, between my spouse and I. I don't believe she even really realized, what she was expecting me to just look past. To simply look the other way, after years and years of tears, and desperation, It is simply not even a fair burden for any of us to consider. I don't know that it is possible for anyone to be able to really do that. I don't know what to even suggest as way to do that. I think this out of balance emotional status, is something that can't really be corrected. I think the scales going forward.will always remain as they are, way off kilter.
And so this reality is what the members here project...