Another Birthday Passes By With No Signs Of Intimacy...

Today is my birthday and my husband didn't even kiss me or touch me or anything. I am just so angry that he could let a special day go by without caring for me.  Isn't marriage about caring and loving another human being?  He's so cold and distant.  I never met anyone of his caliber. It's so cruel.  It's midnight and I can't fall asleep so I am writing on this board to get it off my chest.  We're in marriage counseling and I will bring my feelings up in session.  When I look at the situation objectively it saddens me.  We have the makings of a beautiful life.  We own a very nice home, in a nice neighborhood, our wishes of having a child came true, we adopted a beautiful boy.  We are a family. 

I feel like the symbol of our wedding rings is just a big fat lie.  On the outside it looks good.  But inside the house it is empty, loveless and a joke.  I don't want to leave my husband or my son but the road ahead is looking bleak.
bobbicastellano bobbicastellano
14 Responses Nov 20, 2011

I've had enough about senseless men who treat women like an ob<x>ject it really unfair.. I feel u dear I was in the same situation, talking through won't help get someone else who make u happy and cherish u,

Im sorry. Happy birthday¡

Did he at least even say happy birthday??? How hurtful....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! as you get in your car in the morning you find an envelope on your seat, as you open you realize its a birthday card, you kinda of smile at the thought and start your car but as you turn the key on the windshield wipers are already on and they throw confetti all over the window. this thought is my gift to you for your birthday. Hope i atleast made you smile!

i dont understand women anymore ! why do yall love being miserable? ive been on the other side ( my ex wife) so we dissolved the union and ive been happier. of course better if i had a lady but ill tell ya im better off alone than with the BS etc..sounds to me like most of yall dont want to accept that guys who are that way may be getting it elsewhere..i know im a guy !! and have friends who do the same yet their wives or gf put up with it. why cant i find one like that for me ! not that i want to do it just knowing i can..

So sad, your pain and heartache is very real.<br />
I hope that counselling will prove to be useful, although if no affection or desire is there to begin with it will be difficult to show it.<br />
<br />
Hugs x x x

I am not marry or do i have kids, but i feel ur pain as well. I have been living with my boyfriend for a few years & i love him & its been months since we have done anything, when i say something about it when we argue he doesnt respond at all & then when i tell him maybe its best that i move out he gets mad at me & doesnt want 2 continue communicate anymore about the issue at hand. It hurts very much because the big fat elephant is alaways there and wont leave.

Some of us of advanced years don't actually fret the coming and going of one birthday after another especially when it is just a couple of days before Xmas.<br />
<br />
However, maybe if he had shown compassion and passion the day before this birthday and the day after you would have the grace in reserve to say: "A pity but, oh well, maybe next year". In other words these things take on an extra poignancy, acuteness because of the very context.<br />
<br />
Best wishes.

Sounds all in all like a bad birthday, perhaps the next one you can give yourself a present and go see a lawyer.

Given that he is otherwise inaffectionate, what made you think he would be affectionate on your birthday? Did you discuss that in your counseling session, such that this expectation was known by him? Speaking of which, what is the marriage counseling like for you? What is happening there?<br />
<br />
Have you considered telling him how disappointed you felt, about expecting / hoping he would pay attention to you on your birthday with some physical affection, then discussing those results in the next session? That would certainly be a way to forward the progress of discovering the mystery of your empty marriage.<br />
<br />
On the onset of this story, it is indeed a cruel husband or one with unsurmounting resentment that acts likes this on his wife's birthday. It sounds to me as if he is clearly way, way, way shut down. No way to tell if will pull out of it through counseling, but consider he is going. I am curious to why he is going? Presumably to save your marriage? Or do you suspect ill guided intentions?<br />
<br />
Just some thoughts. At this point, I would question everything.<br />
<br />
Happy Birthday Hun!<br />
<br />

I feel for you, as I was in a loveless marriage too. There are so many reasons people pull away in long term relationships - boredom, inability to get over their own hurts, inability to speak the truth anymore. There is a cowardice in not saying your own truth - perhaps, we should start there and say it as honestly as we can...not to hurt but to feel the freedom of full ex<x>pression.<br />
<br />
Best wishes in finding your way through this.

You regard your birthday as a significant event ?<br />
A day for honesty, and truth ?<br />
<br />
He observed that convention. He gave you the truth. He conveyed it very very clearly to you.<br />
<br />
The obligation of choice is now back to you.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

I too understand your plight. It has been 5 birthdays since I have felt any kind of intimacy. Just can't seem to feel there is anything left, but on the other hand, I hate to think I would spend my remaining days alone.

Oh, I know how you feel. I really do.