The End...

The first step is always the hardest and you have taken a few of them. They get easier.

But this is great. You can get up in the morning, open the window and say/shout "Yes. I'm free. Yeehah."

Bealtes song is good to sing. Here comes the sun. La la la.

or

Killers. Are we dancing....are we human.



Okay so there's a bit of baggage. Dump in in the bin where it belongs.

You are now officially a member of VB's liberation front..... look forward to the day when it becomes the SLF........ I am LOL

Be gentle with yourself. You are a Child of the Universe.

Good luck, my mom divorced my abusive father when i was twelve. I wish you a better life and keep ure chin up!!!

It's probably more about control than love. He acts more interested when you are gone or going.



You are brave to move out without a job and with two little children. But your attitude should tell you all you need to know. It sounds to me like you have done the right thing. Count on things working out for you. Chin up, strong girl!

congratulations on your courage. change even though its important is often hard.. you are now on the road to personal happiness

I think the most hurtful and confusing of all is that we were coming from different places. I was lovingly trying to be will him stay with him nurture our union and care for him with my heart and because he is unable to do that and does not come from that loving side of things it was always some sort of problem. They are in their own little world and for him I was the enemy. I wasn't a life partner. I was not respected, he was not honest at all and there was no true affection. He even complained to me about how much work it took to be in a new relationship. This was like a few weeks in.



It's not my responsibility to fix him. I wasn't even allowed to comfort him. What can you do? He lied about everything. All things and giving up time wih our babies to be with the girlfriend he's had for like 2 months is crazy. So selfish but what can I do?



I've left and I'm not getting back into the box to lay dead for the rest of my life and I feel so sorry for the new woman. My heart goes out to her.



I'm going to do the property settlement myself and then threaten to go to a lawyer. He hate conflict and doesn't like new people so he may sign it. If not I hav a lawyer friend who will help me so I'm ok on that front.



Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes. It's amazing how much better I feel but it hurts knowing I loved so deeply only to realize I was not cared for in the least. Now he wants to be friends and asked where I'm going all the time. More crazy even though I'm gone.

best of luck.....

It is great to see you again B.



Great to see your life moving onward in the direction YOU are choosing.



Tread your own path.

Welcome to the other side.

"To toil so much for nothing" - i hear you. But let me reassure you that you have learned a great deal about yourself, and about what a healthy relationship will look like.



Hugs

Welcome back, we missed you.



{{{{{{{{{{bellove}}}}}}}}

of course he douse not want to devorce you then he will have a leagal commitment to help suprt you i say go girl your x sounds bad to me

Dearest Bell,

It is lovely to hear from you but so very sad that things had to end the way they did. I can think of no one person on this board who tried as HARD as you did and for as long as you did to make things work. . . .



I remember when you were so happy because it seemed as if things had really turned a corner and were going to work out for you. And I remember feeling so sad when you returned some time later to say he had not been able to sustain it.



You are still a great role model for ILIASM dear friend!! Moving out with little children and no money is no mean feat!! Managing as you do is no mean feat either! You are AWESOME!!



As for the kids' relationship with their Dad, all you can do is:

1) don't talk badly about him in front of them

2 cooperate with him if he makes arrangements to see them.



I tried for YEARS to get my ex to spend time with my kids - all to no avail. It was his choice and I was trying to change his behaviour. No-one can change someone else's behaviour.

So don't waste your own valuable efforts on that. IF he develops a good relationship with his kids, GREAT! But if not, it is another thing that is down to him.



{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

" ........ of laughter and soft lies. "

No idea why they have this need to destroy us to the best of their ability. My story was much the same as yours... financial ruin, never ending lies, passive aggressive, mine was OCD as well...



You are right... in the light of life from the outside, it is hard to understand why we didn't leave earlier, but the truth is, it matters not... what matters is that we are out and free...



Oh, can't find mine for a divorce either... and when I did talk to him about it... he said he couldn't afford it, but if I got the papers prepared he would read them and think about signing them.

Kudoos & best of luck



NSH :-)

...and isn't this really The Beginning instead of The End??

Welcome back, Bellove. Thanks for returning to contribute. ITts important for people to see that it can be done...and that the high price to be paid is worth it.



-MR

bellove



I don't know you and you don't know me. Psychologically you have made a small but significant step forward. What is good about it? What is on the plus side of the 'Pros' and 'Cons' list? There must be something?



Why not draw up a list. A list called "What I Can Now Do, What I Now Have". Brain storm it. Stick it on the front of your fridge. Update it on a regular basis.



Seeing your kids become more relaxed, happier will be a reward, will it not?

Stay strong.

Applauding.

Good for you.

Yes, it's worth it to leave even if we have to struggle for some time.