Bad SignsMy husband and I have somehow managed to lose our physical connection. Although we are affectionate to each other in terms of giving each other hugs, cuddles and kisses, these are all platonic. He has appeared to lose his sexual desire for me although I still really fancy him. We just had out first wedding anniversary (have been together for 5 years) but it has been nearly 6 months since we had sex. And before that it was three months before. On the increasingly now rare occasions that we do have sex it is not that enjoyable and seems to be done on his part as a duty. I thought initially that it was because we had been trying to have kids and have had four failed pregnancies, three cycles of IVF and other gynaecological operations. He said that sex had become a science project. We are still without kids but the sex has disappeared and we no longer try naturally even, which also really upsets me.
The next thing he said was that we are affectionate in a way that does not make him feel sexual. Whatever the reasons I know that the connection has been lost.
The trouble is that for me the lack of sexual intimacy makes me feel low, un-desirable, un-attractive. Things have come to a head as we were at a party last night, had a few drinks and now this morning he says that I embarassed him by flirting with someone there. I don't really remember doing that but if I did then I think it must be my frustrations coming out to play. I am worried that if we don't get our sex life back, we will ultimately be un-faithful to each other and the marriage will end. Previous relationships for both of us have ended that way. The difference is that for us both this is our first marriage and we don't want it to end but we have reached an impasse. It is now difficult to talk about the lack of sex withough arguing about it and me becoming bitter and him being defensive.
The most painful thing is to think that he no longer finds me attractive but doesn't like to say. He would rather not talk about it and brush it under the carpet and pretend everything is fine. And when we do that, things are superficially fine. But then when we argue all my bitterness comes to play. All in all, it makes me feel like the marriage is floundering. And that feels terrible after such a short period of time. It also feels like such a loss to not have what was once the strongest, most joyous part of our relationship.