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Solution To 'why': Add Something To Their Food To Raise Their Libido?

I have been thinking over this. I know we supposed to get past the 'WHY?'. But in cases where 'everything is okay except the sex' the WHY can simply be due to hormonal changes - menopause for women and andropause for men. The problem is the refuser may not link his / her lack of libido to these hormonal changes because there are no obvious symptoms.

My husband who is much older than me, has diabetes and suffers from ed. I asked him WHY he sometimes reject me? And he said
honestly 'Because I do not want to let you down, further more I have very low sexual drive due to my age'

He did went to the doctor, they gave him the blue pills and told him to go home.

I spent a whole year overhauling his diet to a low GL diet (no processed food or vegetable oil, lots of fish, vegetables and fruits) , spend hours researching food online, hoping that by controlling his blood sugar level, the ed will reverse naturally. I realised now that I have been focusing on the wrong thing, when the problem all along has been 'low testosterone' .

based on my research, the food that increase testosterene naturally are:-

1) Vitamin D (D3)
2) Cod liver oil (Vitamin A & D)
3) Zinc (can get these in mutivitamins)
4) Nuts (Selenium)
5) Real butter (such as organic Yeo Valley butter with 80% fat)

My husband took a Vitamin D3 supplement (1000 iu) and he has an instant reaction a few hours later and the next morning, which enable him to perform normally. Whether this new regime will work out, only time can tell, its early day yet but it does seem promising.

What I am going to suggest is this: Why don't we find practical solutions to raise their libido ie testosterone naturally and just add these supplements to their food? If this does not work, then fair enough, proceed to planning the exit strategy.

I'm going to hide under the bed now, I expect a lot of arrows coming in my direction.


ImtooSexy ImtooSexy 46-50 18 Responses Nov 30, 2011

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"I think the problem of a SM is less to do with the act of sex as it is with a blatant disregard for the refused partners suffering. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as "our relationship is perfect except for the sex." <br />
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I agree with you but can I put another perspective to this? I am not making any excuses btw.<br />
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I came across another forum where 100+ women wrote the same thing:-<br />
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'My marriage is sexless, my husband has ed but refuses to do anything about it.' <br />
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Even with my H when I proposed solutions eg the kegel exercise, he told me he found it SO humiliating.<br />
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There lies the problem. Maybe these men are selfish, but I feel the real reason is the 'shame and stigma' that men associated with ed that is stopping them from getting treatment. But you're right, they need to somehow 'get over it' and get treatment for themselves and their partner. <br />
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The vitamin D3 does help btw. I am really annoyed that his doctor did not pick up on this. I have gone out and bought a very good multi-vitamin supplement for diabetics to make sure he is not deficient in other vitamins and minerals.<br />
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If everything fails, there always the cucumbers and arsenic to fall back to LOL.

Whew. Adding things to someone's diet with an ulterior motive really freaks me out. I don't think it's acceptable at all. Besides, there's no diet that could suddenly transform an arrogant, self-absorbed jerk into a compassionate partner. I think the problem of a SM is less to do with the act of sex as it is with a blatant disregard for the refused partners suffering. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as "our relationship is perfect except for the sex."

" I know its unethical, I know its underhanded and a breach of trust. " <br />
I know what you mean. I tried something a little underhanded too and it worked for about two weeks. Then, the same old patterns of refusal and disinterest started up again.

Thank you for all the replies. And thank you genguy for your suggestion, I went straight away to the supermarket to buy two cucumbers, one six inch and one eight inch long to try LOL.<br />
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My husband is okay with trying the new supplements. But when I wrote this post, its more for those whose partner will not cooperate. <br />
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After all the talk, and after banging the head on the wall, why not just put 'stuff' in their food to raise their libido, without their knowledge of course.<br />
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I know its unethical, I know its underhanded and a breach of trust. But having an affair to get the sex is also a breach of trust, so this method , as I see it, is the 'lesser of two evils'.<br />
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Both me and my H are firm believer of a good diet. Before switching to the low gl diet, my H suffers from acid reflux for many years and even went to the hospital to have this camera put into his stomach. Since the GL diet, this problem has completely disappeared.<br />
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I'm going to give this new regime a shot, say for 4 months. That list above contains all the vitamins that have some impact on the sexual health / testosterene (backed by science). I am not proposing some 'snake oil'.<br />
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See the link about real butter.<br />
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http://www.diabetes-book.com/cms/articles/3-advice-a-commentary/7415-the-truth-about-saturated-fat-part-3<br />
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If everything fails, well there always the ed pills to fall back to.

He wasn't afraid I would poison him... he was an extremely fussy eater, and he honestly thought I would sneak in something he didn't like...<br />
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He hated Chinese food... therefore... he hated noodles... therefore... he would not eat any form of pasta... see beginning of sentence... then run it buy the Italians... LMAO. <br />
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..and he figured I might slip in a little pasta (or one of a kabiliion other things he wouldn't touch)... who the hell knows why I would bother... and he would accidentally eat something he didn't like... not that would in any way harm him... he just didn't like it.<br />
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As you can well imagine, I no longer have much tolerance for fussy eaters... LOL...<br />
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Oh, and thanks for the "Gold"...

I was not serious about the poisoning . . . just Aussie humour.

I didn't think you were... but you sould have seen the carry on... lol... when someone pointed that out to him. LOL...

Wow, FoP! After all this time you can still surprise me about your Ex's levels of craziness!! (True for us all I guess!)<br />
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Sounds like he needed to employ a "Taster" - as they did in medieval times - to taste his food in advance and see if it had been poisoned!! Not much of a career being a "taster" - especially if you worked for someone who was unpopular!! lol<br />
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And your comment?<br />
"There are many levels to paranoia... and the bottom line is... if he don't wanna, he ain't gonna...<br />
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You just ain't a priority, for whatever reason."<br />
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PURE GOLD!! Take note, ITS.

Speaking of paranoid...<br />
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My first husband would not allow me to have a blender, because he feared I might add something he didn't like and he wouldn't know it. Not something bad... just a food that he didn't like...<br />
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Someone pointed out to him, finally, that if he didn't know it, it shouldn't make a difference to him. He was utterly furious. He hated to be confused with the facts.<br />
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He also refused to eat apple pie made anywhere but his mother's kitchen, because he had heard that it could be made with soda crackers, and you couldn't tell the difference. There may have been some sense to that regarding restaurants, by why he thought I might bother to do that with apples readily available remains a complete mystery to me, but there you are.<br />
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There are many levels to paranoia... and the bottom line is... if he don't wanna, he ain't gonna...<br />
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You just ain't a priority, for whatever reason.

Mvc and Neui are right IMO. You can be supportive and helpful in an open way by sharing with your husband what you are doing - trying to make him as healthy as possible. (You might be wise to avoid saying "trying to get you to the point where you can get a hard on" because he emotional pressure might counteract the good of the supplements!)<br />
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BUT if you are secretly adding these to his foods, that could easily cause a major breach of trust. You might be doing this for all the best reasons, BUT if it is done behind his back it is wrong.<br />
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Personally if I found out someone was doing such things behind MY back, I'd be likely to be paranoid!! Could I trust them to only add supplements for my health - or could I expect that, if they got sufficiently upset, they might go the other way??!!!!!!

Feeding someone a good diet and appropriate suppliments to maintain their good health, whether with or without "obtaining their consent" is hardly a "bad" thing...<br />
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It is possible to take this whole must be open and obvious thing too far.<br />
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That being said... in most cases, it doesn't work. I bought only healthy food, the whole family stayed on the diabetic diet... there were no unhealthy snacks or junk food in the house... We did not even have ice cream... because he wasn't supposed to have it, being an "out of control" diabetic.<br />
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Needed to use the jack from behind the seat in his truck... when I pulled it forward, potato chip bags, chocolate bar wrappers and even the wrappers from the ba<x>se of ice cream cones literally poured out onto the ground.<br />
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I had his full consent and supposed co-operation in the dietary measures... and he was snickering into his hand about how we were on the diet and he was eating all sorts of crap.<br />
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Ron has it right... if they won't try, on their own, they don't love you enough... period.

For the record, I didn't mean smashing up the supplements and hiding them in their food... I meant making sure they were available and reminding them to take them. Not stuffing them down their throats.

At what point do you draw the line...

Is it okay, sweetie, if I only use healthy ingredients in this soup...??

...and yes, the openness issue I have is with telling them it's to help them get a hard on... I would actually expect that one's reasons would be the same as mine were...

Concern for his health and longevity... and if it had the side effect of increasing his abilities I would not have been unhappy about that.

Often ED is as much psychological as physiological if not more... and no amount of healthy diet will do very much to fix that, other than the natural mood elevating response to feeling good and being healthy.

mvcmvc..I was scrolling down to write the same point..and so ditto to all you have said..I absolutely agree that you need the consent and coorperation of the spouse to do this..you really do..that would be the proper thing to do..dicuss it and go from there..and , i do wish you both you the best of success, because diet and exercise are important..and can and do make a difference..and perhaps, this regime will make a difference.

-----" Why don't we find practical solutions to raise their libido ie testosterone naturally and just add these supplements to their food?"<br />
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Do you mean adding these things to their foods AFTER you have obtained their consent?<br />
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If you have obtained consent, then you are working together to resolution. This is good.<br />
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If you have NOT obtained consent, then what you are doing is highly improper and has the potential to cause a wide chasm in the trust department. This is bad.

I tried to shoot a few arrows, but they they took a nose dive when I let go. The string was too hard to pull all the way back. (Sorry, I failed the only class I took in archery)! Kudos to you going about fixing the problem, but did he know this? If he was game to be a guinea pig, then cool. If you have a strong marriage, I don't blame you.

How about he adds stuff to YOUR food, overtly or covertly or with your agreement, to reduce / eliminate YOUR sex drive ??<br />
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Would that be ok with you ?<br />
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Tread your own path.

I am sure it happens... lol...

I don't know why everyone is so gun shy on this site! These are the nicest bunch of folks you'll ever meet. They just don't mince any words which I appreciate. I certainly don't have to agree with them, but all perspectives are welcome except for the yahoos who decide to post something bizarre and even they have their place in the ISIASM ecosystem.<br />
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I think it's an interesting concept and will work in some cases. Unfortunately, most of the SM problems are emotional so Vitamin D won't help. If it did, stores would not be able to keep it in stock!<br />
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Ultimatley, you have to choose your effort and he needs to do so as well. As long as both of you are looking for solutions, there is hope. Otherwise, it's just another delay to the inevitable decision of staying and accepting the situation as it is or leaving.

that is the truth. When the other partner wants to deal with a certain ,even personall problem together we can do it. Something is not so clear for me . Why will some man have erection for solong with some woman and fall flatt but erise for another woman?

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Hope it lasts longer for you than it did for me x

Anything, within reason, is worth giving a shot as long as you have a co-operative and positive-minded guinea-pig.<br />
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You got a result. Long may it last.

I agree that the doctors are all too easily sending men out the door with the little blue pill without looking at the overall health. BTW low T and diabetes are closely linked. Many times when men get on hormone replacement therapy their diabetes clears up. <br />
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All this just to say you have to consider the health of the whole person. He should be getting regular exercise and have ALL his hormones checked. <br />
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Diet and exercise are extremely important to a properly functioning penis.

I am happy for you if you found a solution. On the other hand most men would be upset they are failing in that dept and should care enough to go to the doctor. If they have nothing obvious like diabetes or depression or blood pressure medicine to cause this the dr will treat low testosterone.<br />
They need to go to an endrocronologist if they find nothing a urologist but seems most of us on this site that have husbands that don't care enough to find and treat the problem even if for just their wife.