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(venting) Marriage Therapy Is Working Out Much Better Than I Thought....

. . . because I'm not the one going to it. 

Really. 

After meeting with the MT together 2x, then separately 1x, the MT basically told me he'd be meeting with my husband for awhile alone, and would check back in with me periodically.  I don't know what they're talking about, but my life in this marriage has gotten better.  Since the MT agrees that my concerns are more than legit,  DH is enjoying his sessions, and things are getting better, at least temporarily, then gesundeheit. 

The MT asked me in my individual session how it could be that DH could be familiar with all of my grievances, but not seem to think they had any weight, that they were of no consequence?  My understanding is that DH is an SOB who uses brinksmanship to get what he wants.  But in a passive aggressive way, wrapped up in niceness, and just doesn't realize that he's Dorian Gray. I didn't realize he was Dorian Gray until I saw the portrait in the attic last year. Because I refuse to sacrifice my child to play the kind of hardball necessary to regain equity in the relationship, I am held hostage to it. 

On a more positive note, the exit plan proceeds apace.  

I am so glad this forum is here.  It makes a big difference.

theremustbeawayout theremustbeawayout 51-55 6 Responses Dec 3, 2011

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This is healthy!<br />
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It also sucks big time. But its better to have truth which sucks than to live with a lie. <br />
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Work on the exit strategy - it seems that as time goes on both of you may come to understand it has to happen. Even if he can't change, its better for both of you if he comes to understand.

The marriage therapist wants to lead you out of denial and into admitting that your husband does not love you.

It is very hard being true to the process..you get very frustarted..and you will question your reasons for even trying..but..go through the process..if it works ...well than you won..if it doesn't work, well then you won..I say that because you will have the opportunity of knowing you really did try everything you could, and will walk away with out looking back..For what ever reason, we are more willing and determined to be loyal and loving to our spouse, than they are to us..I don't know why that is..Why we try to stay where we are so unimportant...I don't know..but I guess that is our way of convincing ourselves...that we really are important and do matter..

That intimidating box in the corner called choice, is actually the best friend you will ever have.<br />
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Ignored it is your enemy.It will imprison you where you are.<br />
Embraced, it is your ticket to wherever and whatever you like.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I have no expectations from my marriage any more but gosh I wish there was someone who could put it across to my spouse like it ought to be. I can't because she is always right and it is futile. Pathetically, the happiest moments of my marriage have been ones when her relatives and friends have criticized her for behavior I have found annoying to reprehensible and put up with. Ok, you can call me a doormat, but my wife won't agree with you even in that.

Sounds like he's getting told some home truths doesn't it? Which is very satisfying isn't it? But please don't neglect the exit plan. Really sounds like you're on top of this situation xx