One Or Two Questions

Why do I need to schedule sex? Why do I need to work like a dog to get my spouse to notice me? Why do I have to try alone to solve a relationship problem? Why do I have to accept that married life will never be what I dreamed it would be? Why do I have to have sex with someone that isn't attracted to me? Why do I have to have sex with someone I can no longer be attracted to? Why do I have to forfeit the opportunity to be with someone that loves me the same way that I love them to be with someone that does not? Why do I have to feel empty after having sex with my spouse if I'm "lucky" enough to have the opportunity? Why do I have to think and act in ways that are against my nature in order to sustain an unfulfilling relationship? Why do I have to be true to someone that doesn't fully appreciate it at the expense of being true to myself? Why do I have to be frustrated instead of fulfilled? Why do I have to settle?
And if I choose to do and be all these things diligently, consistently and endlessly, is that what success feels like? Is there some honour in that? If I embrace these things, does this command your respect and admiration? Is the respect and admiration of many a substitute for a passionate kiss from one?

I've been away for a while, I just needed to spout.
TheWendigo TheWendigo
36-40, M
15 Responses Dec 7, 2011

I feel like you are telling my future.

I miss intimacy. Touch. Closeness. I want him to know that I truely crave him. Why is it so hard to have sex? Make love? ****? Whatever the occasion calls for... I mean really, you get an ****** for your efforts (if u know what ur doing) ... Why is this so difficult. *le sigh*

You're supposed to miss those things, that's why it's so difficult. Listen to your body, it's telling you what it needs. Please, please don't wait.

If your in a unhappy marriage it's better to leave then suffer life is far to short to be unhappy.

Even if you can't escape right now for whatever reason, you are free to put a stop to any activity you do not enjoy. So is your spouse. There is no honor in suffering that does not improve someone else's life, in the consensus opinion of you and that person.

You dont have to get out secretly find someone better thats right, im saying cheat and then when you find something better dump there unappreciative *** then pull up the divorce papers.

Sex makes us feel wanted (when it is genuine). It also tells us that someone likes to be in our company (as sexual partner not as a relative). The emotion that comes with sex makes us feel better about ourselves.

I have another question: Why is it that sex so important to us??

Sex is important to most people, and indeed it is on the bottom rung of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. The bottom rung (or base) of the pyramid is "Physiological needs." That says a lot right there.

"Why do I have to feel empty after having sex with my spouse if I'm "lucky" enough to have the opportunity?"<br />
<br />
Soon you would not want any with your wife so I would not worry too much about this one.

the answer to your "why do I have to...." guess what--you DON'T have to. It's your choice. May you find happiness

Why not?

I know how you feel. I've been going through this for way too long and she doesn't even notice that there is a problem. When the problem is brought up she cries and tries to use excuses to explain her position. I'm not buying her excuses any more and she still does not get it. I think it is time to walk away and save what I have left.<br />
<br />
Like Bazzar says, it's time to stop being the door mat and tread your own path.

These "whys" you set out are the ones that are actually really well worth pursuing - as they involve YOU, rather than the useless "whys" that rely on your spouses input.<br />
<br />
And it looks like you are getting close to a point of clarity about your "whys".<br />
<br />
It IS simple, as Vegas says. You choose not to be the door mat any longer. Simple.<br />
<br />
Not "easy", far from it, but simple.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

So true. The only person you can change is yourself. We all live in the hell of our own choosing. Time to choose again.

Having been "in" for so long, I know what it looks like from there -- all complications and difficulties and hoops to jump through and pain and indecision. <br />
<br />
It's truly amazing how simple it all looks like from "out" here. All those things that complicate your perspective... those are little demons sent to torture you and prevent you from making a decision to save yourself. <br />
<br />
Just walk away.<br />
<br />
Princess GladToHaveLeptOffTheCliffO

Oh, just find some girl who wants you to tie her up and **** her really hard. All you'll need is some rope and a hard ****. <br />
<br />
Princess TheRestIsYourChoice

That was most excellent. I have asked myself many of those same questions. And the answer to most of them is, "**** no, I do NOT HAVE TO do any of those things." Especially when doing them brings us zero joy.

That's okay, we all need to vent sometimes. It makes me sad to think that you may waste the best years of your life living like this. I was in my 30s when my life became like yours, and I stayed and lost 20-years to loneliness and misery. Don't do this......twenty-years of unhappiness is a longggggg time.

My aunt told me the same thing when I told her about my situation and how unhappy I've been for such a long time. She said, "Don't make the same mistake I did."