Just Really Hurting Right Now

I've spent the last several days doing everything I know how to do to make my wife desire me to no avail. I kept thinking, well, if I really go out of my way to show her my appreciation for her, she will want me. So yeah, I'm kinda new at this. I'm feeling such emotional pain I feel sick. feel like vomiting, feel like curling up into a ball to disappear. I'm starting to see this is not going to change. I can't live my life like this. I want a healthy and I'd even settle for somewhat happy marriage, I want to have children. I can't stand this feeling of being so alone when she is less than thirty feet away.
FilteringMachine FilteringMachine
31-35, M
15 Responses Dec 15, 2011

Oh I'm right there with you. Nausea hope despair all rolled into my gut :(

I feelwhat you'r saying it cut's like a knife

I know the pain of what you did wrong,and its all cool people saying run but it sound really silly because you love this person that is making you sad,that hurting,but running is the last on your mind,simply because you love them,running is the last you wanna hear about,just because you love this person,period,so hugs to you and stay strong till your inner man tells you what to do

I'm afraid I'm having a hard time understanding what you are saying.

This is how I feel with my fiance, he just doesn't want me any more....says he does, but is too tired or avoids the topic all together.

Hi hug. Hang out here for awhile. Read the stories. He is not being honest with you - he says he is too tired - in reality it is something else. Don't put up with it - you have so much life to live, don't let it be sucked out of you by an unloving man.

thanks, I really hope the best for you.

our reasons may differ, but I understand emotional pain. Your's permeates your words....I hope you have since found peace and happiness.....and lots of sex! ;) xo

Don't wait until things get even more complicated for you. If this is the way that it is, just leave. Once you do, you can lick your wounds in a quiet corner and eventually when you're ready, you will move on with your life. We all know it's difficult but we also know it isn't impossible.

There's nothing worse than being in a house full of people and feel completely alone, isolated and insignificant..... I understand more than you could ever know.<br />
Worse is when you actually leave to see if anyone notices, and they do, but only because dinner was taking so long. WTF!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!! So yeah.... I share your pain.

you don't have kids with her...then run like the wind and never look back!!!!

Parameters of your mission - "to MAKE your spouse desire you".<br />
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Your chances of success are zero.<br />
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Abandon the mission. You have far more productive things (where there is at least SOME chance of success) you could be pursuing.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I remember the last time I cried for hours in bed feeling like the loneliest, most pathetic person in the universe. You're not alone. There's nothing more soul crushing than humiliating perpetual rejection from the person who claims to love you. You have to come to a point where you decide love isn't supposed to hurt. This is dysfunctional to the core. No amount of effort on your part will change her. And you have to start loving and protecting yourself. You deserve a break. You've tried so hard. It's time to put up a barrier between her actions and your feelings.

You can get out now with minimal loss. I went down your path but I have two kids and it has been even more painful for me. Imagine if you wait and then a couple years down the line you have kids that have to suffer thru a divorce with you! You cant make your wife love or desire you. Only she can do that. You may even find that the more you try the more she pulls away. This is what happened to me. I now am faced with living my life with a roommate or filing for divorce. I have decided that after a year of struggling to get her love me again that it just isnt going to happen and come January, I will be visiting a lawyer. At least I wont be ruining the kids holidays. Please get out before you get too deep.

People (your wife) do (marry) lots of things (you) that they don't really like, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's calculated, sometimes they just don't realize that they aren't into it. Sometimes they have to find something they do like to help them realize what they don't like. Whatever the reason, it's very rare for a person to change what they fundamentally like or dislike, and when it does happen it can only come from inside them. <br />
She either dislikes sex, dislikes you, or dislikes sex with you. Three choices, it's one of them. You can agonize over choosing, but the secret is that it doesn't matter to you. I just know there's a great Venn diagram to illustrate this somewhere. Of course you know all this, but if you're like me you need to be reminded on a regular basis.

He/She either dislikes sex, dislikes you, or dislikes sex with you. - This should be like the slogan of the ILIASM group actually.

Or she is avoiding sex with you because she dislikes herself or her body and it could be coming across that it is you she has an issue with???? If she is a size 0... well then sorry kiddo i think that perhaps its just a case of Carob masquerading as Chocolate. She if it is the sex that she is avoiding or you she isnt into. Does she love foreplay but wont take off her clothes? Does she love pleasuring you but feels uncomfortable if you do the same. Does the light in the room turn off in the heat of the moment? Just make sure it's not an issue that she has that could have been treated if you had picked up on it.
If that isnt the case: Then I think maybe leaving is something to think about. Bless :)

I'll second that Swabhava!

Now is the time to realize what the rest of your life can end up like. Do not have kids now, that would be a huge mistake. Read the stories they will show you the path your marriage can take if it is not fixed immediately. Anger, resentment, frustration, and self esteem destruction await you if this continues. <br />
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If it is early on as I have gathered from your posting address it immediately. Have the Talk with her find out what is going on, if this is years into the marriage and you are now just addressing it you are likely to find it is too late.<br />
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Good luck.

I am sorry you are in so much pain, ironically, I feel about the same myself today....<br />
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But I have two kids, straddled with insurmountable legal and business issues, that would only explode like an atomic bomb if I threw a divorce monkey wrench in the mix.<br />
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I will safely assume, you don't want to be me, if so, count your blessings that what you have can be undone, without the world falling apart...<br />
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The longer you wait, the worse it will be....thousands of stories on here to support that.

You are right....but it is still the world falling apart

yes it is...but don't wait for it to get worse...

Well, add kids in and you and I would have been in a far worse position. As bad as this is, count yourself lucky you've got this chance to rectify your happiness before you end up adding painful life changing consequences into the mix.

Go. It will not be easy, for courage spend a day reading other members YEARS of hell. You deserve & will find someone who desires you as much as you desire them. <br /><br />
No kids = freedom to find happiness, and be able to show your future children real love. Don't let her make you feel this way.<br /><br />
Good luck