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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

He Doesn't Want A Divorce/He does want a divorce make up your mind...

By: beboppin
Written on December 27th, 2011
I was all packed and ready to move out a few months ago.  He told me that he loves me, and doesn't want me to leave.  He says that he tells me to get out, when he gets mad at me, but he doesn't mean it.  He says that despite all of our problems, this is the best marriage he has ever had (His first wife had a seven year affair with his best friend, before divorcing him, and marrying the best friend). 

This is my third marriage, and I can't say that I share his thoughts about the best marriage.  I appreciate the fact that he had rarely raised his voice at me.  I sometimes find myself missing the father of my two children, who was mean, verbally abusive, and abandoned me for his High-School friend after 17 years of marriage.   

I will never date again.  I don't think I can be a participant of a healthy relationship.  So, if I'm never going to date again, I can't afford to move out, he wants me to stay, why should I go?  Why get a divorce? 

I'm looking for a way to support myself so I can leave, but It is not possible at the moment.  So, I stay, and I come here to EP to vent.  I appreciate all of your comments and support.  I really do. :)

Well......Tonight he told me he is ready to file for divorce.....  I guess I need to pack again.  I want so badly to be able to take care of myself.


By: beboppin
Age: 41-45 , Female
874 people have read this story

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11 responses
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    By now you have surely seen a lawyer and have a fair idea of how a divorce will shake out in your jurisdiction.



    This 'he says he is "ready" to file for divorce' bit reeks of a manipulative tactic.



    But, he has at least tipped his hand to some extent.



    Your choice now is whether, with your exit strategy in your pocket, to strike pre-emptively. What does your lawyer recommend ??



    Tread your own path.

    Dec 29, 2011
    1 like
    • beboppin
      beboppin

      Lawyer says I get nothing. The sad thing is, he gets all of my stuff, because I have nowhere to take it/store it. We filled out information for a joint petition at a wbsite. I don't know if he has it yet. We will soon be filing, and I will soon be out on the streets.
      I have faith that the Lord (Jesus). will somehow help me.

      Dec 30, 2011
      1 like
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      Might be worth getting a 2nd opinion. Do you live in some weird jurisdiction ?

      Dec 30, 2011
      1 like
    • beboppin
      beboppin

      She says I'm entitled to half of his retirement during the short time we were married, but I don't want him to have any reason to say anything bad about me. We have only been married 2 years.

      Jan 1, 2012
      1 like
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      So it's only "I get nothing" if you choose it to be so.

      Jan 1, 2012
      1 like
    • 88ElmiraSt
      88ElmiraSt

      There are always going to be people who say bad things about you. To hell with them. In the four months since you wrote this, you have probably found out who your real friends are.

      Apr 14, 2012
      1 like
    2 More Replies
  • dirk42
    dirk42

    I hope it all works out for you very soon.

    Dec 27, 2011
    1 like
  • zorbas
    zorbas

    On what basis is he filing for divorce? One must establish by law the reason for petitioning this course. If you have not given him cause you may contest this action . I would suggest that you consult a lawyer and there are many that will provide pro bono advice if the need be there.

    He is an abuser and playing a heartless game with you knowing that you are susceptible to this from a previous time. Try a find some manner of self support and remain where you are until you can make your life what it should be.



    You seem to have suffered some failures in your relationships but these are the past just don't be so quick next time to be so trusting and in need of marrage as a crutch.



    UI wsih you well and hope better for your future but the key now is your ability ot be self supportung and ouit from under this subservient role you are playing.

    Dec 27, 2011
    2 likes
    • beboppin
      beboppin

      I live in a no fault state. He can get a divorce if he wants one. All he has to do is file.

      Dec 30, 2011
      1 like
  • eternalhope
    eternalhope

    You are very conscious of your situation and you have made your decision. Good luck with the financial situation.

    Dec 27, 2011
    1 like
  • vegassquire
    vegassquire

    Good luck

    Dec 27, 2011
    1 like