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13 years, 2wonderfull chrildren,and i find out on dec 26th, I AM LIVING A LIE! she does not want to cuddle hug ,have not kissed in months, sex ,yeah right . its like ******* a corpse.but i love her ,she just doesn't love me back.whay do i do?
68hemirt 68hemirt 36-40 7 Responses Dec 29, 2011

Your Response


See I don't get it and never will ... LOVE ... means different things to different people ...<br />
In a marriage or serious one on one relationship ... we chose that situation because we want to be with that other person ... If not for intimacy we could choose to be with a stuffed animal or a cockroach .. what is the difference... if the refusers do not want to lay down with us and bond ... what is the point in calling it a marriage / relationship? <br />
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No cuddling, no hugging, no kissing, no sex equals no LOVE

I hear ya, but it is not that simple, thats why we are all in this situation. We stay because it is not simple at all, our feelings, and we desperately want to understand their feelings as well. People say it is so hard to leave, but I disaggree, it is easy and simple to leave, millions of people do it with no problem, but those of us who stay, well we stay because we want to, for many different reasons I think. I don't understand it myself, why do I stay if I am not happy with this? I admit I cannot imagine not being with him, not going to sleep at night and him being there with me, but it is not that I need him, because I don't. In fact I really think I am one of those people that doesn't need anyone, but I do want people, and I believe there is a difference. I would take being wanted over needed any day of the week. So why does my spouse, who knows this about me, and does love me, of this I am sure, feel the waay he does? Thats a hard question to answer.

Feelings are very hard for some people to express. I don't know the answer to your question and perhaps even your husband doesn't know the answer .. that makes two lost souls circling each other for their own reasons. Sometimes I think I will never understand why my spouse accepts this unhappy situation ... what I have to focus on moreso is changing things so I can be happy .. as happy as my creator intended me to be.

So she said she doesn't love you anymore? Is she saying she wants out? This is very midlife crisis to me. I have seen this on both sides so many times. They don't say a word until they decide they are done! The first you hear of anything even being wrong is I don't love you anymore and then you are sleeping somewhere else. You ask for counseling but they aren't interested because they know it's not going to work because they have already checked out. 50/50 chance there is already somebody else. Even if there isn't they have already put the relationship on trial and they were the judge and jury. The woman you knew no longer exists! She is now wanting "me" time that she perceives she never had. She has spent so much time taking care of the kids and you that she thinks she has earned this time for her. What isn't fair is the kids didn't ask to be brought hear and they are still kids and need their Mom. Mom will hopefully not check out for too long but that is very individual and dependent on the level of selfishness. She has been changing but you didn't see the warning signs. Now you can only watch helplessly. I sincerely hope I am wrong and that you will win your wife's heart back. Keep us posted and Good Luck!

So she just out and told you? That is more than most of us get at least her words match her actions. Truthfully she told you what you already knew. My spouse insist he loves me and can't live without me. That translates to I am scared of change and being alone so I am going to keep you trapped here with me because it is working for him. What the hell I pay half the bills, do all the housework, physically pay our bills, grocery shop, cook his meals even get up and hour early to make his breakfast and lunch before I go to work. He doesn't have to give me sex........ I guess at least she told you the truth she is releasing you to go forth and enjoy the rest of your life with someone who will want to kiss you and have sex with you

So, everything was great in the marriage until Boxing Day, then it all turned to ****.<br />
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Must have been some sort of shithouse gift you got her.<br />
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Tread your own path.

she if she will go to counseling..if not, plan your exit strategy, read stories on this forum, and realize life is too short to put up with such manipulation. good luck to you

Hey at least she told you the truth. Some of us don't know know what is happening inside our refusers heads.... Read the stories here and it will become more clear to you.

Read the stories on this forum.