Post

Women Over 50

My wife says she loves me, she just has no desire to be with me

She tells me women over 50 do not want sex

If your a woman over 50 and are missing sex with your husband

please send me your story

I love her very much and really need to work this out, it has been 10 yrs, if we can not fix this I am looking at other options

 

Thank you

heartbrokesc heartbrokesc 46-50 27 Responses Apr 16, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

I'M 52 and I'm am sexless , I feel that I don't need it no more , My husband is 45 year old and he love to have sex everyday if I let him, Some time he gets insecure of me and he think that I don't love him no more . But I tell him how I feel and how much I love him and that sex is not love is a mental feeling

Add a response...

I am 55 years old married for 35 years in a sexless marriage.I love my husband but it is not sexless because of me.My desires have increased since I turned 50 but due to health problems he is unable to get an erection and has lost his desire for sex.I so miss those times in our lifes but I hold onto the vows I took all those years ago to love him through sicknessand health.I do not understand a woman saying she does not have those desires anymore.I hope you are able to rekindle those flames.I hope your wife realizes she is one lucky woman.

I am 65 my wife has no interest in sex. I feal your pain.

i had a dear friend who was in her nineties and chasing and catching 50 year old men and having sex, as much as often as they were able. She'd wear the out! Go figure. Your wife's not telling you the truth.

I am 49 and can have sex every night. It is up to the individual not age.

I don't believe the over 50 story. My wife is 73 and is still interested.

I have,,just like you am living in a sexless marriage
think it is a fate I must accept
she tells me to do everything
Clean house,shop,take out the garbage,cut the grass,shovel snow,keep her car clean,fill gas tank,car maintenance.give her her daily bath etc

give her the facts and let her assume some of the responsibility for your relationship. "you need regular frequent amounts of sex, preferably with her. If she declines to give this to you, then she needs to come up with some mutually acceptable solution." You may need to remind her more than once that Celibacy does NOT equal monogamy.

outsource - she should understand

My wife just turned 50, and is going through menopause. Sh wants me....often.

I suppose everyone is different, but this excuse does not apply as a blanket to all women

I am a woman over 50. I really want sex!! I do not want just plain vanilla sex, I want a little kink. I want someone who wants to touch me and make love for awhile and often, I love my husband but he has not had any interest in sex at all, About once a year he sticks it in me and its over in about 5 mins, /the end. I have suggested talking to a doctor to get help. I have talked about what I want to no end. I expected that by the time we were 80 we would just be companion. But here we are at 55 as just companions and it SUCKS. I have tried going around naked, bought sex toes, videos nothing works. I do not know what to do! I need a lover not just a companion.

Sex Toes never work for me :)

Made me laugh :)

Hi Daisey I am 54 and love my wife enough to stay with her but I wish I could find some like you to fill,the void that years of a sexless marriage has left my wife has no hormones and is not interested in taking them for health reasons she all but said she wants a companion and as for sex she wants me to be happy I cannot live the rest of my life with no sex and intimacy I have looked at dating sites but if you are honest there the women are not interested in married guy as the want commitment and consider you a cheat. I have the means for high dollar escorts but they are just a good ---- and lack the intimacy so again where are you. Male in louisiana

Im 65 and my wife has no interest in sex. I love her but I miss spending time with a women that enjoys lovemaking

I had a hysterectomy in my 20's. This is my second marriage. He is the love of my life. The closest we get is when we bump into each other. He tells me I have love and sex confused, but I don't. I know he loves me and hope he knows I love him...but I NEED the closeness, the tenderness of making love. It isn't about the big O, it is about feeling close. I have lots of health problems and cannot work. He makes me feel like I'm now earning my keep so he has to go out and work several jobs. Only thing, the extra jobs don't pay. I'd rather have him in my arms and be dirt poor. My heart is absolutely breaking. I am alone 90% of the time and it is killing me. I don't care if he can't keep an erection or any other problem. Being close is the only thing that means anything.

Pretty common for post menopausal women--A few lucky ones go the other way--but I find men my age--have so much trouble keeping an erection--you have to get creative and be uninhibited--like the couple below . Ive pretty much given up too--but can see why older women go after younger men,just not my cup of tea..My point is it works both ways..Men still think about it and have thier own troubles--women dont even think about it --When I was going through the change--Id think about people having sex and think "why in the world would people do something so stupid?"....I forgot- -Thankfully I got a drive from hell now--but some women stay in that place. Just seems messy and stupid. to them..dont expect it to change..sorry

I'm OK with it because I'm moving on. Never thought this would happen but I've found a whole new love to explore.

My wife is over 50 and she has told me exactly the same thing: "Most women her age just don't desire sex. Don't take it personally. We just don't need sex at this stage in our life". This was said during a fairly serious yet honest discussion we were having about a year ago. To me it seemed like a death sentence. How do you NOT take something like that not personally?<br />
<br />
My wife said she knows it's important in a marriage and that's the only reason she makes herself available to me from time to time. Marriage is much more than physical and sexual intimacy is such a small part of the relationship. On the surface, how can you not agree with that concept? No two people have the same dreams, desires and levels of contentment. She is simply asking me to accept the fact that she feels this way.<br />
<br />
I hear and understand what she is saying. My wife loves me in every other way. How does one let let this go without harboring resentment? So I find myself not being able to flirt with her for fear of being reprimanded for pressuring her. The hugs are no longer warm. Kisses are far between and not in loving way. I feel empty!

That is just so sad:(.

Consider this:
At your wedding ceremony, your wife promises to cut your hair and only your hair and you promise to only go to her for trims or new do's. Sometimes your haircut looks less than ideal. Sometimes she rushes and misses places or takes notches out of your hair. You love her and keep your promise and just wear a hat until her increasingly bad haircuts somehow grow out or until you try your best to straighten it up on your own when no one else is home. You flush the hair so she won't know how you had to take care of yourself and fill and correct her lousy careless work. You go on days, weeks, months, years and do all this while forsaking all other haircutters as long as you both shall live.
Now your hair grows as long as gandalf's, and she just deciides to blow off her promise to you.

Why should anyone accept such rotten treatment from someone who promised to loved them?
This is not the behavior of a loving spouse. This isn't even friendly behavior. This is downright mean and will continue as long as you do nothing. They will not suddenly see the error of their ways and be nice. These sorts want to use people and walk over them like they are some doormat.

You deserve better. Tell this barber that your nonexistant haircuts are unacceptable. You will outsource your haircuts if she's unwilling, you are tired of your overgrown uneven tresses and the discomfort and frustration that comes with such neglect.

My wife is over 50 and she has told me exactly the same thing: "Most women her age just don't desire sex. Don't take it personally. We just don't need sex at this stage in our life". This was said during a fairly serious yet honest discussion we were having about a year ago. To me it seemed like a death sentence. How do you NOT take something like that not personally?<br />
<br />
My wife said she knows it's important in a marriage and that's the only reason she makes herself available to me from time to time. Marriage is much more than physical and sexual intimacy is such a small part of the relationship. On the surface, how can you not agree with that concept? No two people have the same dreams, desires and levels of contentment. She is simply asking me to accept the fact that she feels this way.<br />
<br />
I hear and understand what she is saying. My wife loves me in every other way. How does one let let this go without harboring resentment? So I find myself not being able to flirt with her for fear of being reprimanded for pressuring her. The hugs are no longer warm. Kisses are far between and not in loving way. I feel empty!

If she's not unfaithful and keeps a clean house and cooks for you count your blessings. Been married 36 years and health issues has hampered my wife much of the time. We both love sex but also understand the marriage covenant; for better or worse. Understand but try to stay committed as things can change. Make sure you are fulfilling your wifes emotional needs as in doing nice things just to do nice things and I'll bet your problems will solve themselves. God bless.

Thank you for you posts! This rings so true for my wife. No desire for counseling or really improving our sex lives.

I am having the best sex in my entire life. He is 60 and has erectile dysfunction but we sure cannot get enough of each other. I make him ********* just by touching me ( I am 50 and no lubricant) we are sex crazed and I love to dance for him, bathe him in oil ,he says I am driving him crazy. I was married for20 years he for over 30 and our sex life was boring. Thank God my husband left me and his wife did the same , because we were able to meet each other one day and sparks started to fly. We are so uninhibited and daring and I love pleasing him and he loves pleasing me.Hmmm what's next tie him to the bed?

what a great story--after menopause I got lucky--and love sex more than I ever did--and uninhibited --Many women never resume sex again after "the change"Do whatever--tie him to the bed--and tease him till he is crazy--You two are lucky!!!wish you well.

I'm a 67yearold man and have been married 45 years. I still find my wife sexy and i love to touch her and give her oral sex. I have med problems that cause ED but i still cant get enough of her So do everything use allyour holes and helldo anything for you

Your wife's claim that women over 50 don't want sex is just a myth which she has created to justify her own lack of libido. It's not uncommon for post-menopausal women to have a reduced libido but there are ways to get help if you want it. Someone who has never liked sex or who has never had a high sex-drive will probably not want to seek help anyway and will use age as an excuse. <br />
<br />
Personally, at 54, my sex drive is equally as high as it's ever been if not more so and I am more open-minded, liberated and driven than I was in my 20's and 30's.

Im with you --if they didnt really like it b4 and hormone shift comes and lessens it even more--they are done--Luckily I came thru like you--

I am 53 and I love sex. My husband who is the same age is almost as into it as I am. I can want it just by the way he looks at me or touches me. But he needs a little more, like a dirty video or a naughty thought. Have you asked your wife how she likes it, have you tried toys. Go easy, go slow, but I think if you keep trying and talking you should find something that works for the both of you

I am 57 and have very recently left my marriage because I can no longer live in a sexless marriage. Altho' there were some other issues in our marriage (aren't there issues in everyone's marriage?) I know we would still be together if this problem had not eroded our intimacy and our connectedness.<br />
<br />
We had very little sex early on in our 20 year marriage and none at all for the last 13 years. I finally realised it was never going to happen with him.<br />
<br />
I am a sensual woman who loves sex and am not prepared to do without it forever more. BUT the most important thing is that a marriage without sex lacks that intimacy that only a truly loving sexual relationship can bring. Otherwise it is like living with a really good friend - verry nice in lots of ways, but NOT a marriage.<br />
<br />
In case you (or your wife) think I'm a raging sex maniac(!!) I am a sensible, reliable, down to earth school teacher who has adult children, cares for an elderly mother and is seen in the community as a "pillar of society"! Ordinary women want sex in the 50s, 60s, 70s and maybe beyond.

ditto

I am 60, married 40 years ... and my sex drive is better than ever ... I am not ashamed of admitting that I like intimacy and sexual feelings ... who wouldn't .. this I don't understand, but my husband doesn't .<br />
<br />
This is an old story, so I don't know where you are in your life, but please, if it makes any difference, tell your wife thee is another woman out here who loves sexual relations and is 60 ..

Been married 30 years. We have sex maybe 6 times per year...She does not need or want it. I could have it 6 times per week. I read about the woman yearning for sex from their husbands...How come I am not with one of them. She has tried hormone therapy, creames etc... nothing works. I am ready to leave this marriage as my time is coming to an end where I can still have sex physically. Where do I go from here?

I am 51 and want sex. He stopped wanting it when I got pregnant almost 12 years ago. Now he just hates me. I think it's a defence mechanisum. He basicly puts it all back on me.

Say WHAT about women over 50?!? Dear man, I am certain you (and your wife) know that this is not true. All you need do is read the myriad of stories posted here on EP by women of all ages. At 54, it is I who have always mourned the lack of sex in our marriage ... not my husband, who is 48.<br />
Perhaps you should collect a few of the 50+ women's stories here and share them with your wife. While she may be dealing with a diminished libido, in part due to hormonal changes brought on with age, the real issue is whether she is interested in regaining sexual desire. There are very effective treatments for women who suffer from lagging sex drive, but she has to want to take them. <br />
I have no way of knowing what form your efforts to resolve this problem have taken, but I'll offer my two-cents worth here in the form of some questions for you to ask yourself:<br />
Have you reminded her of the times when sex between you was wonderful and fulfilling? Have you made sure that this was true for her? Is she hearing from you a desire just for sex or are you indicating a need more for shared intimacy in one of its most treasured forms, ie sexual sharing? What is your shared intimacy level in non-sexual terms? By this I mean, has your marriage lost intimacy in other ways beyond the bedroom? Have you talked frankly with her about her experience (past and present) and are you genuinely interested in making it more than just a means of physical gratification? I take you at your word when you say you truly love your wife and I hope you can hang in there long enough to work it out together. I'm a true believer that this can happen if both parties are honest, introspective, open-minded and willing to put in the efforts necessary to make it happen. And what a victory when you do!!! Good luck and keep your eye and heart focused on a positive result.

Yeah, at least your wfie was honest. I don't know where she got that idea from about women over 50 not wanting sex. It sounds like she's pretty set in her views about this. Talk to someone about your other options before you do anything. It might help you make the decision that's best for you.

i'm just wanting to say that if your looking at other options have you told your wife. she was honest with you

I totally agree. Let her know how much this torments you and give her a chance to offer a solution to meet both of your needs.