Same As You With A Twist: Spouse Is IllHello all, I've been reading this site for awhile and can share that I too, live in a sexless marriage, much to my dismay and heartache. But while my soul longs to fly away there's definitely lots holding me here. Namely, I feel responsible for my spouse who is ill. I also have small children who would miss their daddy terribly and I cannot see not having 2 parents - he is a loving parent to them, and I definitely chose the right parent, if the wrong spouse.
My spouse is my friend, and used to be my lover too. I used to live for him, but years without sex and years before that with lots of trouble have definitely worn me down and made me feel like less than human.
I had very little experience before meeting him; it was wonderful and we got along like a house afire. But shortly after our wedding he started acting "off". It took years with escalating issues for him to finally see a doctor. He has chronic neurological issues, including extreme pain he was hiding for years. We are seeing various doctors, but things are getting worse rather than better.
In my nights I dream of running or of having an affair. I can see that we are so different now, but we were so in love before.
How can I be fully happy?
Theoretically I have never thought less of people who have "open" marriage and feel the need for one now, but don't want to be "that" person who brings heartache where there was none before, except for my own selfish need. I cannot see my spouse agreeing willfully to this concept.
As I near 40 and parts of my body shifts, I despair more and more. I have a great sex/romantic life - in my head.
ETA: my lack of experience earlier on and my lack of recent experience make it even more difficult to approach this whole issue. Even if I fantasize about an affair I'd never act on it - I would hate to look a fool and lose everything for the really wrong person....
zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 21 Responses 6 Jan 10, 2012