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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

I Will Really Miss This Man...the Therapist

By: hope4more
Written on January 11th, 2012
We had another therapy session and my therapist was fantastic as usual. The long and short of it is that my soon to be xrefuser still refuses to do anything to improve our marriage. The therapist has been fantastic all along and he asked me to give marriage therapy a year so I am. Well we are ten months into therapy and last night the therapist told me infront of dh that I need to start putting into action my plan of action because dh has not given me a single reason not to divorce him and dh has no intention in making any effort. He also told dh that he is a spirtually, mentally and emotionally abusive husband and that for my sake I need to move on. After the session the therapist pulled me aside and told me to do whatever I need to do to protect myself and kids and plan for our futures alone. He also asked for us to come back in next week so I will. I will miss the therapist when all of this is over.
By: hope4more
Age: 36-40
869 people have read this story

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16 responses
  • Anonymousthanks
    Anonymousthanks

    Good for you for giving therapy a real try! The sexless part of your marriage didn't seem to be the worst of it. If he was abusive, then there was really no reason to stay. Good luck to you and any other woman who is going through something similar.

    Jan 12, 2012
    1 like
  • BlueSpruce
    BlueSpruce

    Why would the therapist essentially "warn" your H that you are leaving? I fail to see how any good can come from giving him a heads-up to wreak havoc before you leave.

    Jan 11, 2012
    3 likes
    • ulae
      ulae

      Yes, this seems tactless.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
    • Wolfy1
      Wolfy1

      Or perhaps the therapist sees that her H will not believe it anymore than he believes there is a problem to solve? So no harm no foul - she sees he has heard this now from a third party and she has had her own truth confirmed....

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
  • cayenne63
    cayenne63

    Good luck! I'm just starting the process myself. It will be tough, but with all the support on this board, you'll get through the rough parts just fine.

    Jan 11, 2012
    3 likes
  • meerin
    meerin

    Why can't you continue to see the therapist?

    Jan 11, 2012
    3 likes
    • hope4more
      hope4more

      I guess I can I just haven't gave it much thought. It probably would be good to continue for a while thru the entire process. He really seems to know what he is doing.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
    • meerin
      meerin

      I think it will help to see him at least throughout the divorce and possibly even after while you are getting your feet under you. Good luck!

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
    • ulae
      ulae

      I am sure the therapist would appreciate that.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
  • dismol
    dismol

    Good luck and I'm happy that you finally have a resolve and you are making your way out the door to a more fulfilling life for you and the kids!

    Jan 11, 2012
    2 likes
    • hope4more
      hope4more

      Thanks I hope so.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    The therapist may yet have value for you in managing your exit.



    You've really known this marriage was a dead duck since Feb 2011 (going by your stories) but if it has taken a professional opinion to call T.O.D. on it, then the therapy has been worth it.



    I hope that the outstanding bits of your exit strategy fall into place for you as soon as possible.



    Tread your own path.

    Jan 11, 2012
    3 likes
    • hope4more
      hope4more

      Baz you are correct I have know the marriage was dead, I needed someone to tell me that was totally unbiased that I had done everything I can do to save the marriage or that I needed to try something else before I officially ended it. I have done everything the therapist has asked me to do, he has started a couple of things the therapist asked him to do but hasn't completed any of them.

      The pieces are falling together, it looks like the nursing care for my daughter will start in a month, so once it starts I can try getting a job, money is my big issue now and it won't be easy to find a job since I have been out of the work force for so long and getting a job to support myself and seven kids well it seems a little overwhelming at the moment. But things are looking up.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
  • ZigMcZag
    ZigMcZag

    Congratulations!

    You sound stronger. I am not sure exactly what it is but the tone of your writing implies that you are resolved to save yourself.







    Just out of curiosity: Is the therapist married?

    Jan 11, 2012
    4 likes
    • hope4more
      hope4more

      Yes, he is married. I don't know much about him personally ofther than he is married and very obviously head over hills in love with his wife and a Christian, it is a Christian counsling center we are going to.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like
    • hope4more
      hope4more

      oh and thank you RonMcDon. I do feel stronger and I will do everything I can to save myself and the kids.

      Jan 11, 2012
      1 like