My husband's interest in me sexually diminished dramatically while I was pregnant with our daughter (she is now 29 years old) and ceased altogether 4-5 years ago, when I gave up and stopped initiating things. It has gotten to the point that he doesn't touch me at all - no hugs, no kisses, no hand holding, no snuggling on the couch watching TV. I know this story is all too common in this group, but we are good friends, share common interests, and enjoy one another's company. Our friends and family would tell you that we have a great marriage.
My reality is that my husband ignores me - doesn't talk to me, doesn't listen when I talk to him, doesn't touch me, doesn't read emails I send him, etc. I feel largely invisible except for those occasions when we have some sort of joint house or yard project going. I've tried hard not to need what he can't give, but that has backfired in that I have become very judgmental and unforgiving of him. I feel disrespected and I'm angry. My husband insists that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I love him, but the truth is I have one foot out the door. The only thing that keeps me in the marriage at this point are 1) financial entanglements (I'm the primary breadwinner & I have no concerns about earning a living - we just have a lot of stuff that would have to be sorted out if we split), 2) the possibly negative impact on our children and grandchildren, 3) the shock of all our family & friends, and 4) the pain I know a split would cause him.
I have recently reconnected, after 37 years, with a childhood friend and (briefly) boyfriend. We are not having a sexual affair, but I think I might be having an emotional affair with him. Here's the final kicker, my husband has suddenly decided to address the issue of me being starved for affection even though he has never considered the issue seriously before (despite many, many conversations about it). I think he sees what is happening with my friend and feels threatened for the first time (he hasn't said this, but I suspect that is the cause). My reaction to his overtures has shocked me - I enjoy the affectionate hugs, but I am not enthusiastic about the sex, in fact I'm a little repulsed (he's gained a lot of weight).
I know that no one call tell me what to do - stay in the marriage and try to improve things, stay in the marriage and live separate lives, get a divorce, have an affair, etc., but perhaps sharing my situation will help me sort it out. And perhaps, one of you has an idea I haven't thought of. I know that at my age (mid-fifties) I want to live the days remaining to me fully - no illusions here on how little youth I have left.