Alone ...but Together

I was 27 when I met my future husband . Within one year we were married. We had two children together , so it was entirely with out sex. We had been married 16 years but half of that marriage was without intimacy. I think the stresses we had going on in our life definitely had an effect on it going down the tubes. We were both stressed in our work , and we were busy finding activities for our girls then (who were younger) and taxiing them around. I think that as well, we started to drift apart from each other to fulfill our own needs. We slept together for a while but didnt have any sex or even touching..Then we started sleeping apart...I didnt want to sleep apart or do without closeness or sex but,,, my ex-husband wasn't interested at all. I don't know what happened or why he changed because our intimacy used to be really good and we had lots of touching , hugging, cuddling and kissing...but..I asked him many times if he wanted to talk about it and what might be able to be done. but he just totally clammed up.. The more I asked him the more tight-lipped he became. I was so alone and frustrated even though we were otherwise okay in our marriage..I suggested that we go for marriage counselling(I was already going for counselling  on my own) but he just got upset and frustrated when I suggested this and said he didnt need any help...So this went on for along time... but I was so tired of being alone.. I told him I was going to move out and he said... if you do this dont expect to come back and that was it.. I am still going for counselling and am feeling better about myself and finding my direction again but it has taken a long  time.....I know that I am a worthwhile person on my own and am working daily on finding my self, being gentle to myself, and daily discovering the value in me that goes beyond how much I bring in in my paycheck. I have just recently started going to a divorce support group and although it is hard to talk about stuff I have kept inside for so long when I share these things in this safe, supportive environment I start to work through these things, not alone.. but together.. I feel much better... and am thankful for these wonderful, caring, supportive people.


Greengal777 Greengal777
46-50, F
5 Responses Apr 19, 2008

Hey, just wanted to say well done, it obviously took and takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing. You are worth it! :)

I feel like you leave when you no longer know who you are any more. You are not that person that fell in love with him/her so long ago. Nor are you the person you want and need to be. Once you know this it takes a lot of deep down motivation to get up and leave and say I have had enough I don't love you anymore and I love myself even less for letting this happen. <br />
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Something deep down inside you has to want out to leave. I am also 52years old been married 32 years and I have not gotten out for the last time. I did leave for 11 months. But returned due to him having a heart attack thinking he needed me. Boy I was wrong. Needless to say I am still married still in a sexless unhappy marriage and still lonely. <br />
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Getting out is hard to do.

Good on your for taking the initiative to speak up, and step out, I hope you find what you are looking for.

hi! Wow that sounds like quite the battle you went through not only with your husband ,but with yourself. How did u come to realize with kids involved that it was time you had moved on and explore yourself. I have the same thing i'm struggling with after 8 yrs of marriage i'm finding out that after the kids grew up and moved out that we had less and less in common with each other. I like to go outside and be active she on the other hand does not. and our sex life is drastically dwindling.

You are definitely not alone on this site. Congrats on working up the nerve to go thru with the big D. I still worry about the effects on my kids so I stay in my loveless situation. It is funny in some ways in that I have told my W I would pay a million dollars for some affection from her, a touch, some intimacy. While I do not have a million dollars, it will still cost me dearly and affect my ability to provide the things I want to provide for my kids. <br />
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It sounds like you have made it thru the gauntlet and are on the upswing. good luck in your new adventure.<br />
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