Married To The Love Of My Life...but He's Only A RoommateI am married to an honest, responsible, intelligent, handsome man with a sense of humor that to this day makes me laugh like no other. He is wonderful with our kids, who are in elementary school. They idolize this wonderful man, as well they should.
The problem: We've been married almost 10 years, and during this time I keep hoping for a miracle...that he would want physical intimacy as much as I do. I feel that I have to explain a little further. I learned early in our relationship that he experienced some sort of sexual abuse as a child. He never gave me full details, but my understanding is that something happened once that left him scarred. He revealed this prior to getting married, but we were sexually active; not as often as I liked, but it was at least 3 or 4 times a month. I figured I could live with that EXCEPT that changed soon after marriage. What was 3-4 times a month quickly turned to 1x/month, then 1x/3months...you get the picture.
It has been almost ten years, and I can't believe I am writing that I still hope for a change. I've asked him to seek counseling hoping that could help. These long stretches of dry spells are killing me. He refuses to receive counseling, and he has reminded me that he told me about what happened to him, so I should have known. Should have known that he wouldn't touch me? Hardly ever ?! This is so frustrating. I get angry, depressed, hurt...just want to run away some times.
I've thought about leaving, but the truth is I still love him. And, as awful as this may sound, I do believe he loves me. His physical intimacy button is simply broken, and I can't repair it. I've thought of other options...some more absurd than others. I've thought about getting some antidepressant. I figure that might help w/ some of the depression I go through over this situation, and many of these meds have a side effect of experiencing decreased libido. I've thought of going to counseling myself, but I don't know how effective that would be without him being a part of it at some point. Finally, I've thought of finding someone else...you know, NSA. I'd get my physical needs met, and not mess w/ my hubby, who seems to be bothered by any sexual advances I make. If I found the right guy for this; I might.
I've already given up on trying to interest my hubby. The feeling of rejection every time has been numbing me over the years. It's not that I don't WANT...I've simply learned to back off, so that it is not so painful.
Any feedback is appreciated...support or otherwise. I'm just glad I found a place I can vent and read about others' similar situations.
noluvin 31-35, F 13 Responses 1 Jan 26, 2012