Say You Start With Yourself.....It's hell. Breaking apart your family...leaving the known....losing the companionship of someone you may still love (I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it does to many here...friends but no romantic love...brutal)....
And, you think...what is the point anyway? You are so jaded and so exhausted from the rejection and long term effort to repair your marriage, it sounds too much to hope again. Risk again. Love becomes a myth. Intimacy is illusion.
But, say you start with yourself......And, you look inside and start to feel all the emotions around your marriage. And, you start to look at how you came to this point. Co-dependency? Lack of sense of self? Fear? Past abuse? Or, simply time and the growing apart of what once might have been real and good but now is empty and estranged.
And, no matter how much you try to deny, rationalize, cheerlead the rising of the dead....you are alone without a partner to share emotional intimacy and physical love. And, you are cornered into contemplating how to feed your deepest core needs. And, thus comes an opportunity. Not a sought opportunity. A 'what doesn't kill you will make you stronger' type of opportunity. The very worst and very best kind.
So, you say I won't let it kill me.
And, you begin to live your truth.
And, its unfamiliar and scary and risk filled. And, slowly....slowly...slowly...YOU begin to change. And, you begin to believe in your own life again.
And, one day you leave. May take days...may take years. But, you've done the work.
And, you stay open despite your past heartbreak.
Until one day....
You meet a friend.
And, you give it time.
And, your world suddenly becomes late night talks til 2am. Walks through starlit nights. Laughing until you cry and then laugh again.
Until one night...it changes.
And, a year of twilight evenings turns into nights of long long long passion
Hey.....it happened to me. Believe me, if it can happen to me, it CAN happen to you....it can happen to anyone.
Live your truth.
rosedl 41-45, F 20 Responses 15 Jan 28, 2012