Say You Start With Yourself.....

It's hell. Breaking apart your family...leaving the known....losing the companionship of someone you may still love (I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it does to many here...friends but no romantic love...brutal)....

And, you think...what is the point anyway? You are so jaded and so exhausted from the rejection and long term effort to repair your marriage, it sounds too much to hope again. Risk again. Love becomes a myth. Intimacy is illusion.

But, say you start with yourself......And, you look inside and start to feel all the emotions around your marriage. And, you start to look at how you came to this point. Co-dependency? Lack of sense of self? Fear? Past abuse? Or, simply time and the growing apart of what once might have been real and good but now is empty and estranged.

And, no matter how much you try to deny, rationalize, cheerlead the rising of the are alone without a partner to share emotional intimacy and physical love. And, you are cornered into contemplating how to feed your deepest core needs. And, thus comes an opportunity. Not a sought opportunity. A 'what doesn't kill you will make you stronger' type of opportunity. The very worst and very best kind.

So, you say I won't let it kill me.

And, you begin to live your truth.

And, its unfamiliar and scary and risk filled. And, slowly....slowly...slowly...YOU begin to change. And, you begin to believe in your own life again.

And, one day you leave. May take days...may take years. But, you've done the work.

And, you stay open despite your past heartbreak.

Until one day....

You meet a friend.
And, you give it time.
And, your world suddenly becomes late night talks til 2am. Walks through starlit nights. Laughing until you cry and then laugh again.
Until one changes.
And, a year of twilight evenings turns into nights of long long long passion happened to me. Believe me, if it can happen to me, it CAN happen to can happen to anyone.

Live your truth.
rosedl rosedl
41-45, F
18 Responses Jan 28, 2012

Beautifully written. Too often, the ones who decide to leave their dysfunctional marriages are left to wonder if they have chosen wisely. And too often, they lose sight of the goods that can come from said departures. It is important to realize and accept when the marriage is no longer viable and the love, though one flourished, has now extinguished. As is true in your case, when one relationship has run its course, another blossoms. Just a matter of time. Thanks for posting.

Leaving was the best for both of us. He is much happier as well despite his initial angry response.

Rose thank you, I'm at believe, just steps from leave. Looking inside for the strength to keep moving forward, I'll not continue my life in this manner. Thank you for words of hope may you know how much everything you've written touched me.

Go for it! I just got back from the most romantic getaway trip ever with a man who BEAMS when I come into the room. It is out there!

You are so right in that leaving is hard. I know I must leave but when I look at him I can't imagine life without him and yet I know its the best thing for me. I have never had a hard time meeting men but to find one I connect with is something I can't count on, but its very hard. You build this life together and he changes the rules. Sleeps on the sofa and now you are alone and nothing helps and you even blame yourself thinking its you but I snapped out of that real quick. I have no self doubts about myself but can't understand since he denies there is a problem. But its nice to know that someone did it and the outcome was good so thank you for that.

i want a 28 year old lesbian women to kidnap me

Encouraged that this gets better. I've never been in so much pain...


Deep romantic passion takes a lot of factors to jibe. I have never had this deep of a level of romantic passion before, but I know it took all that I experienced to come to this place and I want to learn to honor it rather then feel shame around it. It just keeps unfolding.

Thanks for posting. Since getting out I am still waiting to meet somebody special. Granted I have had some long, long , long nights of sex. But not romantic passion. Still hoping to meet the right one for that. It will happen in time.<br />
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Oddly enough I keep running into women who themselves are coming out of a sexless relationship. This must be much more common than is generally known. That otr it is my age group. They crave the physical but are scared of the emotional. That or they just want playmates. Guess I am looking for love in all the wrong places. Maybe I should try something classier than the local adult book store to meet women.....HA!!!...J/K Seriously though thanks for posting. It gives me hope.<br />
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Bang Away<br />
NSH :-)

Love it ... hope to join you soon.

Love to you :)

well wrote story can cause some one to think about what he or she has and what they want instead of the Lies and storys that come.

absolutely it does isn't that we were not lovable people..we just happened to be with someone who was afraid to love..and once you are with an adult..who is comfrotable with mature topics, yand adult situations, your sexual life will be normal.

Thanks for sharing!

Thank you Rose! I am a bit behind you on this process and it is great to see what the road looks like up ahead. <br />
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This especially spoke to me: "And, you think...what is the point anyway? You are so jaded and so exhausted from the rejection and long term effort to repair your marriage, it sounds too much to hope again. Risk again. Love becomes a myth. Intimacy is illusion."<br />
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I was there until the day XH & I separated and beyond that even. When I started seeing my boyfriend I really thought it would be for some fun outings, lots of laughter, companionship, probably some good sex but intimacy -- does that even exist in romance? was my attitude about it. I looked for reasons why he wouldn't be a good long term relationship. When I stopped doing that and just let him be him and me be me, it all slipped into place. Sometimes I love to be wrong. <br />
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I've already been through hell. I choose something different again now. By the way, I still love my XH in a way. Leaving because that love just wasn't enough was one of the hardest things I've ever done. <br />
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This story gives me validation now. Thank you.

Wish you much love (you are already making your own luck :)

That was beautiful. I'm so glad I was stalking <br />
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Thanks for sharing.

**waves** I thought I could hear footsteps!! :-)

Beautiful rosey. <br />
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It "can" happen, as you say.<br />
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But you have totally underplayed your own role in this.<br />
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YOU ******* MADE it happen. By adopting that hard hard hard obligation of choice. Your situation now did not just "happen".<br />
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And the consequence of your choices you now get. And they taste all the sweeter for the sheer unrelenting hard work you put into the process.<br />
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Tread your own path.

what a great uplifting story! glad I stopped by to read it!

Rose, it can happen for anyone who is open to it happening. And you describe the Hell that is leaving so well . . . I cringe whenever I read people saying that leaving is "easy" - in fact it is the HARDEST thing to do by far - but also the healthiest.<br />
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I'm so very happy you are enjoying a wonderful new relationship. That is the joy that makes all the hard work worthwhile!!