I Live In A Sexless Marriage Too.

This explains so many people in our day and age... they are consumers. They sit and watch what other people have done. They don't create themselves. They don't have ambition or passion. It's a sad waste of precious time and the talent every person has within him/herself.

Makes me really curious how this all got by you though... didn't you notice that he rarely lived the life he talked about when you were with him?

Sounds like your just screw worthy!

you need a boyfriend

after I read ur comments, stories, ur reflections, inflections, words used, contexts applied, gender behavior as an example, i walked away with this.........



Our gender, be it male /female is used against us ( though u do seem to bash women here more then men,which lends its self to my thoughts, u may be a guy. ) god for bid we apply our own gender experiences towards your stories, you appear to have anger issues towards women in general. and now that i have learned what part of caLIF UR FROM, I GET IT EVEN more lol

you got the bait/switch thing, like many of us have....... what are you doing to get out of it? to make it better for you?~!

so, according to some comments I see, if I am not looking and acting like a **** star 24-7, I am out of line to expect intimacy and affection in my marriage. Because ALL men need that. I actually do apply a lot of what you shared in living my life. But in a partnership, some things need to be worked on mutually. I am not feeling sorry for myself or anyone. I am learning and speaking my truth lovingly with my husband... He has choices just like I do. I do work on myself.... Lead a fulfilling life outside my marriage... If I am going to be in a monogamous marriage, that needs to be fulfilling too, and I am not the only one who can make it so.

I live in one because of medications have stolen what used to be a passionate woman's passion. I have been to the usual places, with the usual "descriptions" and there are plenty of ways to get laid, sucked, jerked off etc.all of it is essentially, ******* off. I want to make these things happen to an attractive woman. I love a woman in a state of arousal, I love the indicators, the sexual flush spreading from neck to breasts, the erect nipples, the need for skin on skin. The gentle parting of legs and the lips within.. Most of all the delicious wetness just rocks my world.



I love giving them head and then kissing them deeply on the mouth so they too can taste their wetness. I love their need for more friction, grinding pelvis against my face. I love the love moans, and cries increasing in intensity the closer they are to getting off. I love bringing them to the edge of ****** and waiting,knowing that a breath on their **** will make them come. I love the sudden paroxysms of their pelvis as the ****** crashed over them. I love the too sensitive nature of their erogenous zones directly after. I miss it so much. I miss the passionate rough sex, followed by the gentle exploration of another's body. I love the way a new feature, neck, ear, breast , of a woman can so totally turn me on. I love when they lie on their side naked, emphasizing their narrow waist and the stunning flare of their hips, I miss their Venus mound, exploring every hole they have. I need to make someone besides myself come.

I too know what it is to be in a sexless marriage. I met him when I was in another state working we looked at each other and it was wonderful even after I had to go back home he eventually moved to where I lived, but he became boring he didnt want to spend any time around my friends unlessm it was a birthday he started acting like couch potatoe constantly playing xbox i thought i was living with a teenager, and it got worse i had to tell him after vegging out on the couch for days to get a shower, so I thought he was home sick. We moved back to his home town he doesnt play the xbox but now he spends alot of time with his grandparents it really bothers me when i have to call him for a ride to the grocery store I have been trying to make it work , and oh yeah he is now on this church thing since he is around his family like im a heethen and he is a angel he curses me out for not wanting to sit with his grandparents and mother I really hate it I'm want to try to work it out

im sorry but ur husband not wanting to sleep with u could mean that he is cheating on u

With him it is the TV, with others, it could be the internet, reading, gardening, going to church - basically, these activities all become excuses to avoid a relationship. Nothing wrong with them in themselves, but they can be successfully used to avoid a deeper relationship. I feel that my wife lied to me too, before we married - I thought we were so similar. Two days after our honeymoon, wow - I was asking who was this person. I was dumbfounded. I thought I knew her. So Brenner21, its not your fault. He's using the TV against you. How about donating it to Goodwill / FreeCycle etc out when he's at work and see what happens!!

So the obvious question, why are you still hanging around ????

It's a cogent descriptive account of a dysfunctional marriage. Great story, in and of itself.



But with a huge yawning crater - "where now ?"



There is all this well reasoned stuff about what a cement-head the husband is, but nothing about any potential modification to / abandonment of the situation.



I find that puzzling.



Tread your own path.

Every day I find a story here that hits home with me, today its yours brenner21. My situation is similar. I think that we try not to notice the small things until the sexlessness crushes us, then the other passionless traits are are glaringly obvious. Passion requires selflessness, drive, and the confidence to be vulnerable. Good sex and Passion is full of vulnerability. It's about giving to the other person, its about giving in to adventure! As you have learned its just not in him....my spouse is the same. They would rather exist than dare to live! Some of these refusers use the common "insecurity" arsenal to fend us off. Guilt, Blame, and Shame....they are very effective at bringing us down to their level....the thing they don't know is that when we have it figured out it doesn't work anymore. Brenner21, there is more to life than watching him waste his life , go out there and live it....I plan to!

When a spouse keeps the TV on from early morning until he goes to bed at night, it makes for a lonely existence for the people living with him/her. Perhaps it the TV is the "great escape" and allows the person to leave the room, yet be in the room, without having to contribute to the life going on around them. TV can be educating, entertaining, and stimulating, unless mindless sitcoms are watched over and over and over again.

Neuilly said -- "how many of our refusers are, or were addicted to the TV...My spouse sure was..Once the spouse was retired..the TV was on first thing in the morning..and never went off untill he went to bed." My husband is retired and falls into this category, turning the TV off only when he leaves the house. I enjoy having music playing in the background that allows for a conversation without having to be in competition with the boob tube.

Your story brings in absence of passion "He has no life, no passion no real purpose for living" Life goes on around the TV addict while he is being bombarded by TV shows laced with commercials. I swear I have watched him watch TV and he doesn't even blink,



My life goes on while his life has become stationery, plopped on the couch, developing a TV belly. I go to yoga, take walks, go hiking, enjoy friends and photography, while his world shrinks by remaining glued to the television.

I think if you look really hard at this, he isn't that great an actor. There were patterns of behavior you must have noticed prior to your marriage that possibly put you off guard a bit. But, we have a way of talking ourselves into what we want to see and hear. Given your age, my guess is you wanted someone with whom you could start a family, and this man seemed like a suitable candidate. We make compromises that turn out to be unsustainable.



What I hear in your post is disgust and anger. You are angry at him for who he is which is not what you want or need. Unless he is unhappy and willing to do the footwork to change, you are in a complete no win situation. Whether you tell him directly or not, your disdain has to come through loud and clear. It's not fair to either of you so since you have no children, it would be better to pull the plug before your resentment completely depletes your self-esteem.

I think that when people are dating, they are trying to look their best....to attract ainterest..and so to really get to know the person..well..that is why you really need date for awhile, but even then life patterns change...and ther just are no guarantees..



and i agree...the passion a person has for their work..or to certain lifestyles, and habits, says a lot about their personality..I am not a TV person, never was, ..and I am not really a movie person either.. but, i would love to know ..how many of our refusers are, or were addicted to the TV...My spouse sure was..Once the spouse was retired..the TV was on first thing in the morning..and never went off untill he went to bed..and he had several TV's on ...god forbid ..that he miss something, because he left the room..Since our divorce in Oct..i have not had the TV on at all..the world could be at war, and i would not have a clue..but i just have no tollerance left for the noise of a television...

The DETAIL of your post is interesting in that it throws light onto that perennial issue if personality compatibility/incompatibility.



People do out-and-out lie about their character. I find it puzzling why they feel compelled to do that. Some lies are easy to put out and then forget, but ones that you have to live with every day seems a bit masochistic to put it mildly.



Personally, I would prefer to be honest about where I am coming from and set it in the context of where I would like to be as long as I was being honest about that as well.



Some folks find themselves in a position where they aren't telling the truth or are omitting it because they are embarrassed or because they are fooling themselves, or they are in denial or they are fantasizing. People do find it difficult to just be bluntly honest about themselves, they want to promote themselves.



Would you ever confess to being casual about the actualité as far as your personality is concerned? Sometimes it's trivial but when it comes to issues like personal relationships it is kinda fundamental.



What do you suppose might have prevented you from 'testing' his character before making a permanent commitment rather than apparently relying on an ephemeral history that he presented? Did the difference between you exist prior to marriage but take on a more significant role afterwards viz-a-viz the impact on your relationship?



It seems he has a housekeeper and cost-of-living sharer and that may just be the way he likes it. In itself there is nothing wrong with it other than he wasn't prepared to be candid with you over it.



I have a TV and I rarely switch it on other than to watch the news when cooking/eating because I have simply lost the point in it, as well as the vast majority of content being complete dross. In particular, I find some people's fascination with soaps completely bewildering because they watch fictional tedium as high entertainment while leading lamentably dull lives themselves. Is the typical thing he watches revealing in any way or is it simply a case of any old **** will do to while away the rest of his life?