"I Live In A Sexless Marriage Part 2"Imagine your life without your partner...
- What would you do?
- Where would you go?
- What would you become?
If you live in a sexless, passionless marriage with an end result of a total lack of intimacy, I am sure you will, If you have not already asked yourself the above 3 questions. Below are things MOST people can do anywhere at anytime. A lot of people make excuses...but it's your life CONTROL yourself and STOP wondering when the other person is going to change. Your partner is more likely to change when you are actively changing yourself for the better.
I say open a savings account in your own name that is funded by extra income that you SELF generate i.e get a second job, make extra/new money by selling your hobbies (painting, sewing, knitting, etc.) If these are things you are passionate about and like doing, why not get paid to do it? It also helps you to occupy your time while doing something constructive...you will be creating your own passions in your life, these are things you will always be able to do no matter where you go. They are yours, and nobody can take that from you. Who cares if your partner lays around all day...you are to busy to notice.
WORKOUT, WORKOUT, WORKOUT...Great stress reliever...Yoga, Dance, Walking....WHATEVER!! If you leave you will feel good about yourself...and IF you stay you will feel more empowered. You will also be LESS likely to seek validation from your partner. Buy some new clothes, CREATE a new/current image again, IF you go you will be ready...IF you stay your spouse will notice (even IF they are passive aggressive and won't verbalize it unless it's in a sarcastic tone)...this just puts you ahead.
Educate yourself as much as possible...Generally more educated you are the more money you will make, more educated people also have less children and tend to be happier because they have more options personally and professionally. Again, you are investing in yourself, IF you stay you will have more self-respect, IF you go you can take your education with you and be more self-reliant.
Seek some type of therapy...Group, free, paid whatever it takes. (CO-DA is a great free one for people that have dependency issues). IF you stay you will have better coping skills, IF you go you will be armed with a new mind-set and be less-likely to get involved with people who are overly problematic. You should be investing and taking control of your mental health.
I am doing these things...this is helping me get through it. After all couple grow together or they grow apart right??
IF it is my FATE to be without my spouse. I will be moving to a small Ocean side community south of San Francisco, CA. I don't care if all I can afford is an apartment, it's part of the deal. I will be getting some cosmetic surgery (minor body work), I will remain single and have different types of relationships with different men that bring my joy. These men will more than likely will be 10+ years younger than myself because I want to be with someone fun and active. I will be part of my community, learn to surf, continue my education at UCB, UCSC, or UCSF, I will give back when I can, travel as much a possible, and meet people where ever I go. So, basically I will CONTINUE TO LIVE A FULL AND INTERESTING LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT MY HUSBAND. I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF EVERYDAY, ACTUALLY SEVERAL TIMES A DAY THAT I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT MY PARTNER DOES BUT...I WILL BE PREPARED NO MATTER WHAT. I WILL NOT LEAVE EMPTY HANDED, UNARMED, SCARED, HALF OF A PERSON, SAD BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY VICTIMIZED.
In closing don't make money or age an issue, there are ways around everything. If you find yourself making excuses, you DON'T want to be happy bad enough...sometimes we have to ask ourselves "How much **** do I have to eat before I realize it does not taste good?".