Here I am. The last couple days I've been flirting with an affair. It's astounding how powerful it is to know someone desires me and is anxious to touch me, to feel my touch. I have known this man for about 20 years. We haven't talked since 2008, but I hit a low and , yes, I know this is a crutch. Sometimes getting your exit plan in motion takes too long, and you need something to take the edge off.
There is a substantial distance between us, so a physical meeting is down the road, but I fully intend on consummating this thing SOON!!!
Emotional pain meds, temporary self esteem boost, a shot of steroids to my strength. Which I do after all need to muddle through.
I am aware it's risky, I know this could severely crimp my exit plan, but I don't care anymore. This is actually the least of the evils, all my other coping mechanisms were MUCH more self destructive. 
BeingStalked BeingStalked
36-40, F
9 Responses Feb 24, 2012

Ohhh I see what’s on this date...If you get skin 2 skin best advice I give is **** Ur brain out as if there is no tomorrow. After all, you need double size me sex recuperation ;)

I am working on an exit plan, but like many here, being able to take door # 1 right now isn't an option for financial reasons. My refuser wanted me to stay home, then once I lost my income, he especially stopped trying. Now I'm learning a whole new vocation, and it isn't quick and easy. This takes time, practice, and a lot of expensive tools. <br />
I am a Jeweler's Apprentice, and I am slowly adding to my tools and knowledge ba<x>se, but when I am so worked up I can't carve wax or set a stone without messing it up, when I have no creativity left on me, I know I need to supplement some passion. <br />
I don't see this as my best option, I can't tell you how many times I've had spontaneous ******* just sitting at my bench at work, or how hard it is to hide that you just came when you're standing with a torch in your hand, and your face is flushed. I'm glad I have to boss I do, cause being sexless is the best way to be WAY OFF your game. He is very patient. But enough is enough. <br />
If I could have every guarantee that this wouldn't backfire and make things worse, I would go that route. <br />
My problem is that I can't live every day for the next year or two, knowing no one wants me enough to do something about it. No one has strong urges to tough me, no one....<br />
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I can't afford to have an unplanned affair with someone who cannot accept the limits my marriage presents, or someone who knows my in laws, or won't be as discreet as I need. <br />
I don't see this as a fix all. But I am already easier to get along with, my wax carving isn't interrupted with coming, and inspiration has nested.<br />
I might not be proud of this decision, but I am by no means ashamed.<br />
Yes I will be careful, I'm not out to purposely hurt someone.

Listen to your "gut" instincts. They know best.

Rain, I have been waiting for a story like yours to comment on! I was exactly in your shoes except like awakeforthedance, I TOLD my H beforehand, he chose not to believe me and ignored me (as per usual). I knew then for sure that he didn't give a rat's a** about me or working on our marriage, so I followed through.<br />
HOWEVER!!!!! I have huge regrets about NOT having an exit plan in place... BIG MISTAKE. He rallied my family and was able to spin the entire situation any way he wanted. I only wish I had discovered this board back then.......

Rain, I have been in sexless marriage for two years (married over 40). I have one lady friend and many men friends to service me. The trick is discretion unless you want the marriage to truly end. I love my wife and don't want to hurt her but, you can only watch ***** so many times before you need that human touch. I have more men then lady because cumin in someone's mouth does not lead to babes and you would not believe how many men love to suck. Find a couple of few lady friends and see what happens. I am sure you could find a **** hound any place. But, is that what you want.

I have no advice at all.<br />
I find myself wondering about something similar - and I have no exit plan .<br />
An exit plan is only messy, painful, ugly.<br />
But the very idea of being able to touch another person, who might even welcome that touch -- exhilarating!<br />
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As coping mechanisms go, really without being caught, this one is painless for the other person, right? Yeah, rationalizing.. I know..<br />
Please be careful, and let us know how it goes.

If you think making an exit plan is messy and painful, if you get discovered, and your refuser decides to file for divorce - on THEIR terms in THEIR time, which may go better because they were the "first" complaintant, and especially if they use adultery as a grounds for divorce, all of the sympathies will be on them, and the law and the judge will likely rune in their favor. Judges can and do award alimony - even if you don't have kids or assets, if they really feel the spouse has been "wronged". Be careful.

If you really want touch and to have someone want you intimately, and engage with them, put an exit plan together and put it into action. Then, you can do it with impunity.

Please re-think going into this without a do-able exit strategy.<br />
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Be safe.<br />
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Tread your own path.

It is hard to determine what the actual consequences are because there are so many societal taboos and cultural stigmas on extramarital affairs. I admire your bravery in being honest about it and I want to hear how it goes for you. I wish you the best.

Totally understand. Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Personally I waited to get out of the marriage first & it took less than a week to experience hot sex again. <br />
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HOWEVER that was the road that was right for me. Each has to do what is right for them. Also my exit wasn't that difficult. We had no kids & she had already run us in the poor house from medical expenses so no assets to fuss over.<br />
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I don't know your personal situation & you may have a much more complicated exit. But as other will advise do have that exit stratagy as well emplaced as is possible just in case the affiar causes the demise of the marriage sooner than you anticipated.<br />
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Bang Away<br />
NSH :-)

You are not exactly being impulsive and you seem to have squared up to the consequences, or have you? It's one thing theorising about it and another actually being in the middle of the poo. This unavoidably sounds judgemental but candidly it is not, it simply is not.<br />
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Maybe you have come to terms with the idea of being caught out and to damn with the consequences. That has it's own merits as well. That way it will be a catalyst towards SOMETHING, whatever it may be. These are all methods towards actions, overcoming inertia, prevarication, whatever you might prefer to call it. Some will criticize it, some will not approve, but what do they really know?