I Can't Do This

BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!!! B STRONG. EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON. IM SOOOO HAPPY I TOOK A STAND AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. THINGS GOT GOOD. I BELEIVE THEY WILL 4 U :)

My wife never asked the question but my mother in law did. I remember thinking how in the hell could I possibly have another woman in my life when I live with the most controlling woman in the universe. I can't go to the hardware store without her asking if I am coming right back. She, until recently, controlled about every waking moment of my life! How could I have found any time for someone else?? I would have to redefine the term quickie to have anything close to an affair.

#1 - Make sure your health is OK! Might be anxiety, might be worse. (Although getting out of a relationship that affects you physically in all the WRONG ways sounds like a REALLY GOOD IDEA. Do it ASAP, too. Life is too short, but don't let her make it shorter!).

#2 - Take one thing at a time. Too easy to get overwhelmed when you look at the entire picture. Like reading a book - take one page at a time and know you can deal with each page turn, even though you don't know what is there.

#3 - Saying a prayer for you

I feel your pain. My ex of thirty years should have gone to thearapy, but she was a self-proclaimed psychic and "didn't have any problems. I've outgrown sex, don't need it and if you do, YOU have a problem and need counsellling!" She used to read, on average three to four self-help books a week, but she didn't have any problems. This comes a woman who talks to dead people and usually get 99% of her predictions wrong. But what really stung me is that just left without having anyone to go to; it took me long time to get over the fact that she preferred to be with nobody than me.

Oh, yeah, after she gave the Dear John letter and told me that she bought a townhouse behind my back, she just calmly came up to the bedroom to go to bed and had this shocked, Bambi in the headlights look when I threw her out of the bedroom and locked her out.

Never be afraid to scream into the wind. Someones your words will carried to someone who cares.

Stay strong.

I think it's amazing and wonderful that you thought about how this would impact your pets. That is such a nice attribute, to realize they have feelings, too.

My heart aches for you and the pain you are going through. It is what i feel every time i think of telling him the same thing. The anxiety of WHAT NEXT. You are braver than i am. I do not know if i can ever utter those words. But you have a support system here. Stay strong.

You are feeling lost and alone and unloved...Please say that you are better now...This is July 15/12 at nearly 9 am. You can do this. You deserve love and living. I am leaving mine of 30 years. My son is on his own. And I met an amazing man-who is tender, romantic, funny, and Forever....If I can do this after all this time, surely you can too. Each person deserves love. Never too late to find it. Always deserve it. Need it to really thrive...Please do what you must...Everything else will fall into place because your motives are only good and decent....Knowing how you feel...Feeling for you so very much....Wishing you faith in yourself and trust in your strength and love, love, love....kisses....ENORMOUS HUGS of the T-Rex size! xox

"I no longer feel like I am evil and selfish for ending it. Sometimes in order to take care of yourself you have to hurt someone. It doesn't make one a bad person."



This is SO true. You deserve to take care of yourself; obviously she has not cared to do her job and take care of you in the loving ways that every wife can and should want to...I am sorry for your pain. I truly believe that "most of us" are dealing with mentally ILL spouses. I know that I am. It sickens me to know that he is in pain and with his pain, I experience a life of pain of my own that he doesn't even fathom. He might even think that I am "happy" to be with him with such lack of any emotional connection. Has your wife ever gotten any counseling? If when telling her you want a divorce, does she WANT it too or does she plead with you to stay??? Wishing you well and peace....

You're in a much better place now. Don't let the paralysis stop you from proceeding. Things will just start dragging on endlessly into limbo and that's just as bad.

The emotions are horrible at this stage. You do not want to believe all of this crap is happening to you and you never wanted it to be like this but it is what it is. Hey, guess what your life is not over and you still can have a great one if you put some work into it. Time to cut and run. Do not stay any longer in this volcano.

Sorry no easy answers lie here. Divorce is hard and it hurts regardless. But you can survive it and be happier again. That is the good part! Work through each part and move your life forward! Surround yourself with friends and family that you can lean on and have support. Good luck!

I have told my husband I want a divorce also. 2 years is tough and I'm going on 11 years sexless. I am slowly crafting my exit plan. There have been a few hitches but as a former sexless friend of mine said, the grass is truly greener on the other side. I saw the green grass and I'm going for it. We in this group know all too well the pain u are going through and how tough it will get. I am here for u if u would like to talks. You may also want to view the post called refusers convention. Its amazing all the excuses they come up with. My husband recently made the excuse the neighbors will see us. That pretty much sealed it for me.

maybe you need to see your doctor...your probably having a sort of anxiety attack..and that is no fun..and needs to be taken seriously



as for leaving the marriage...or staying married..that is your call..no one here has the right to tell you what to do..Only you know what you can and can not handle..and there is no obligation to leave..or appology to offer if you stay......your here to talk through your situation..to help you get some understanding, and clarity of thought..about what is going on in your life...but dear sir...you are the one dealing with that life..you are the one bearing the emotional, physical, and financial burden..and so only you make the decisions here...



all we are here to do ...is to share what we know..what we have experienced..and to offer some support and comfort...and if we can get you to laugh now and again..well that would be fabulous...a laugh removes a panic attack instantly...

Bite the bullet follow through with your choice! That crushing chest pain, the ache in your throat will just go on forever when you stay. The rejection kills your soul. You stay, then your choice must be either you deaden your soul and turn off your desire in order to cope/or you fantasize, obsess, and pray for pity x or possibly have an affair and just feel more badly about yourself. You deserve better than that!

Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright then it's not the end.

One day at a time - One hour at a time - one moment at at time. You can do this. Breathe, take a deep breath. go back and re-read all your posts and remember WHY you want this.



I will be checking in and out all day long if you want to talk

If you want to make things easy for yourself, I recommend that you find an old male divorce lawyer who has been at this **** in the same jurisdiction for a long time. Find a lawyer who deals exclusively with divorce/family law. Avoid one who does real estate and family law. They have seen it all.



Just sit and chat with him. I did and it put my mind at ease.

To quote a politician:



Yes we can. Yes we can.

To quote a politician:



Yes we can. Yes we can.

Argh!!! Another Pirate :D Okay, levity aside...it seems you found something you lost - that edge. Way to nut up! Now, follow through with what Baz said. Breathe - it means you are still alive. You may want to make her feel better by taking back what you said - resist that urge. Your spouse also needs to shoulder her responsibility so don't deny her that. One step at a time. You can do this. Be well.

Wow Vjerilood! You surprised me! Some planning would've been better....but I certainly understand the need to get it off your chest! It is very difficult to be carrying the burden of a SM around. I agree with the others. Go see a lawyer ASAP! Get started on your exit plan!



I wish you a smooth exit!

I have bee through several gut wrenching, heart attack situations. If you maintain your composure-don't get sucked into any purely hate motivated arguments-and take events one at a time, handling it,then not dwelling on it, and moving to the next problem- the problems will all go away and you will be fine. The pain fades. Once I was set on killing a youth that was screwing up my daughter. I am a professional, so it would have had a whole bunch of impact.I got everything ready. While I was waiting I got drunk and went to sleep. Next day he found out why there was no confrontation. He put 600 miles between us. No I don't feel anything about the situation.

I have bee through several gut wrenching, heart attack situations. If you maintain your composure-don't get sucked into any purely hate motivated arguments-and take events one at a time, handling it,then not dwelling on it, and moving to the next problem- the problems will all go away and you will be fine. The pain fades.

It's a surreal feeling when you take a step into total uknown, but you can do this.... keep pressing on, believing in what you are doing. ;)

You probably knew you needed to say the words and suddenly they came out of your mouth. No putting them back now. And as for her giving you her great gift of sex tonight to get you back... don't fall for it. Contact a good lawyer tomorrow. And hold your head up high thinking of the future where you don't have to play at being in a healthy relationship. Oh and smile it drives them mad....

V,



ok, you have pulled the rip-cord, but hadn't packed the chute. Not an ideal position.



Go see a lawyer - as in NOW - and establish how a divorce would shake out in your jurisdiction. Within what is possible get some basics together real quick. Where are you going to live, is your employment secure would be two pretty basic things to sort out pronto. The rest you can pick off progressively. It ain't ideal, but can be done.



There is no going back now. UNLESS you are prepared to be put in a position where your missus calls your bluff, and you fold. That would put you back severely.



For Newbies.



Here is a salutary lesson about exit strategies. They are best worked out when you are calm, under control, thinking clearly and objectively. When you drop the bomb, it is a time of high emotion and angst - the worst possible time to be trying to think calmly and objectively.



Tread your own path.

I'd highly recommend against going to her with your tail between your sack because she will turn around and leave you hanging when YOU least expect it. You may get the best @ss-clenching sex you've ever had before it happens, too.



Go with your gut on this one, my man. Nothing is going to change.



I normally am pretty upbeat and positive. I don't know what came over me...

Yep! Keep those good thoughts and let yourself actually think about what YOU want...and if that list starts with a good *******, so be it!

I know it's scary but it has to be liberating to know that you are going to get on with your life. b

Is your exit strategy good to go ??



Tread your own path.