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Still can't believe this happened.!!

Yesterday, a chance to fulfill a dream of lifetime dropped into my lap. But, I backed out last minute. I am happy I did the 'right' thing. 'Right' to me is 'no guilty baggage'. But I was so not ready for this, it's all sinking in NOW. I can't believe I said NO to getting intimate with the first love of my life. I fell for him in my teens and it took almost a decade to get over this guy. He doesnot know anything about this though. Thats another story. But I am feeling a frenzy on emotions right now. I can't believe I turned this opportunity down. He said he wanted me, and physically pulled me towards him. (but like I said I backed out) I don't remember Mr.excuses doing anything like that EVER. I feel pissed for backing out, elated knowing I was wanted that way (by This guy is another level of euphoria), relieved cuz otherwise I couldn't possibly give a hundered percent to working on this marriage then. But WTH.!!

No. 1 - I turned down sex, a possible affair.
No. 2 - With him.!!

Damn it. What did I do.?!

Just saying.
coolvolatile coolvolatile 31-35, F 8 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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U r a strong woman. U did the right thing.

I spoke to someone that I work with, someone I barely know. She noticed I was a bit down and ...it just all came out.



Best advice I ever got from anyone perhaps....



Clean up the mess you leave behind. Before you try to build anew. You have to have a clear foundation where YOU have all your MESS straight - or you are just inviting what could be the love our your life into a hole you are not yet out of. If this happens you may just lose everyone. Be alone for a minute - figure out who you really are - post teh clean-up. You cannot expect to give and receive great things from someone who does not know who you are....specifically YOU.



You may certainly share loving feelings, discussions, and even a kiss or two with someone on your way out. Getting the forever will require that you can give forever...and with all the vines still hanging around you from the jungle you are still in ...exactly how might that work?



I will sign this with my alter ego:



Stillinthemiddlebutworkin

Thanks for sharing the insight.

See here's where you pay the price for past choice(s).



You've NOT taken legal advice about how a divorce would shake out in your jurisdiction.

You have NOT crafted an exit strategy and knocked it into do-able shape.

You have NOT extricated yourself from the dysfunctional situation.



So, here emerges what "looks like" (more on this later) a heaven sent opportunity, and there is you, unable to pick it up and run with it, because of your past choice(s) having you still locked down.



This opportunity you have had to let go might, or might not, have been worthwhile. You'll never know now. But like buses, there will be another one along sooner or later.



Are you going to be able to get on the bus at that time ?? You'll need to start the process of getting a valid ticket NOW. Not "then".



Tread your own path.

Hey Bazz, I have checked out the legal proceedings where in my jurisdiction, I am trying to get my finances sorted, and I have set a time frame, remember. In the middle of this had I said yes, to this guy, it would have been worse than having an affair with anyone. I am vunerable already. Can't put my self in anymore danger. Self preservation kicked in I guess.

Just re-read what you wrote in this comment:



"If there was any remote possiblility of getting this guy for - lifetime. Believe me, all I would be posting is divorce papers."



This raised an alarm for me. Please reflect on your intent. Part of being authentic is facing our own truths and motives. Are you really saying your immediate decision would be based on whether you get this guy for life or not? Breathe, best to extricate oneself fromm the current passionless situation. Best also to give the new relationship time so you can check for potential red flags as it would be a shame to have read widely here from othher people's experiences and then jump into yet another sexless relationship.

Lao, it took nine years and to completely get over this guy, and that love was just one sided. Imagine if a relationship had blossomed between us then, I would still be recovering. Now that I go back and think about the reasons why I said no, I can see many things wrong with yes. I am happy my subconscious took over and made me do the right thing for 'me'.

Yeah you CAN believe it! If it felt like the right choice at the time, then it WAS the RIGHT choice. You can spend a lifetime second-guessing yourself. Imagine having acted against your instinct and then doing the guilt thing afterwards. How does it look now?

It's been two days, and I still feel like a teenager. But as I reflect on the incident, I am seeing why it was the 'right' decision and all the possibile ways it could have gone wrong. If the opportunity presents itself again, I'll be prepared.

You did better than me..When I got that opportunity last summer I jumped all over it. And don't regret one minute of it...The best sex I've had in years...Wish I was taking another trip back to my home town soon...

Oh.. the long distance thing. He lives on a different continent.!! Wtf kinda affair will that be.

hahahaha...I was married to him for 14 years, who the hel* said i wanted to have an affair with him? Just take advantage of a good thing when it's around...

2 things...



1) Just because you said no not now doesn't mean it's no not ever.

2) There's a reason you pushed him away...either your heart was telling you he's not really the one you want or you were afraid to get entangled.



Either way, my guess is your heart was involved in that decision since our bodies tend to take the lead when it comes to actualizing our fantasies.



Take the time to figure out what you want and get yourself ready for the next step. What you don't want is to jump from the frying pan into the fire with someone who you've built up in your mind to be "the one". If he is "the one" a little time to settle yourself won't change that. Also, I suggest you be honest with him about your feelings - his reaction will give you some useful info.

No.2 - check. The strongest reason is that if I let myself this 'freedom', my marriage will stand no chance as it stands of now. And that will be unfair to Mr.excuses, who seems to be trying. Or - No.1 - check.

Go get your plan in order - lawyer etc. Do it now. Today!



Then contemplate what you will do with your marriage, and whether you want to call dream guy back!



I'm sure that's going to be 99% of the advice on here anyways ;)

Thxz zsu. If there was any remote possiblility of getting this guy for - lifetime. Believe me, all I would be posting is divorce papers. But :(