Yet Another Step...Tonight was our last couples' counseling session. Yay! Was unbelievable what he said, too. One, he was all whiny and trying to get me to feel sorry for him, pulled a giant stream of "woe is me" crap. Two, said that he thought if we just had sex once that that might turn things around and bring us back together. Three, he wanted us to try a trial separation, to which I've already said no.
So I replied that a trial separation is moot, because it would't change anything, I am done. I told him there is no way we are having sex because the sexual attraction is gone. I didn't buy into his pity party either. He said there was this huge wall between us and he would do anything to try and break through it, including having sex. The therapist asked if the wall was there because of anger and resentment toward my husband, and I said the anger I was feeling was because I've had to say things over and over and I feel like no one has heard me, and it makes me upset. I said we've talked about this issue so much it is like beating a dead horse and that my decision on the marriage is final and absolute: I'm done.
Hopefully that finally sinks in and we can move on with the legal piece and get through this. I got the paperwork from the courthouse and have been researching mediation attorneys. I do have my own lawyer I can retain if the need arises. We aren't totally adversarial, but I have someone just in case.
Getting there, little by little things are moving forward. Thanks again everyone, without this place I'd still be stuck and unhappy, now I actually have some (dare I say it?) hope.