Hmmm I Am Curious

This cries out for zipcode therapy.



Your recovery from this toxic marriage is going to be painfully slow with him breathing the same air as you, probably by a factor of ten.



You'll get better, and do better, well away from him and his kiddy ****.



And take the marriage off the agenda as a discussion yopic far as Mum goes - she has no clue.



Tread your own path.

I tend to agree with VB here. The therapist seems to be pitying him, which to me is a recipe for more codependency. There are huge red flags and this guy needs tough boundaries not hand holding. He's still not being honest with himself about how long ago he checked out of the marriage. His answer should be "Looking back I realize I have been separated from you emotionally as well as physically for several years." Denial is a like a black hole; its sucks you and everyone around you (the therapist, your mother etc) into it. So fight, fight fight against the strength of denial NAFT. Hold on to what you know to be true.



I also agree with WP. Your case is *NOT* one I think that lends itself to the whole roommies who have children situation. He is not mature or whole enough to handle all that comes with that -- and YES, what comes with that includes you dating and maybe even getting serious with other people.

Actually the roommate thing isn't a great idea anyway because it still leaves you available for manipulation by Deadwood ****. His track record you already know and getting away from him and moving forward with your own life should be job one. It's not always easy but it's way better than being stuck in quicksand which is kind of what the roommate thing is like. The thing that you have to do is say "it's over" and mean it. That means you can do whatever you please you are not required to respect his feeling or any other bullshit after all he never respected yours or you wouldn't be leaving now would you? That therapist is a bullshit artist as well and she is clearly siding with Deadwood there in trying to rope you back in. Run far, run fast, be free. Good Luck.

Obviously, it's strictly up to you.



You've already given away the store by staying endlessly in a patently wrong relationship.



You will be nickeled and dimed to death with lots of polite shoulds by well meaning people that just never, ever seem to go your way -a pure coincidence, I am sure.



They like you as the selfless (and sexless) carer. Suits them fine.



LIkewise, your hang dog therapist has the built-in bias to favor the more suffering partner, even if the more suffering partner is a bit of a dweeb or an *******.



It's what they do, and let's face it, sufferers are what pay the rent. Strong people striding onward to the future? Where's the come-back money? Not to mention the "interesting" problem to solve.



I say you should suck and **** with crazed abandon, as and when you see fit. God knows you have some pent up demand. You seem witty, sharp, sweet, and alive. If I could get a note from my fiancé, I'd do you in a heartbeat.