In Love Without Love Making

I too am in the same situation as these other fellows.  My wife is a lovely woman who I love and care about with all my heart.  However my heart has broken with the knowledge of not having sex anymore.  We use to have sex everyday 2-3 times, but since her Menopause creeped into our lives that has halted completely.  We use to talk about everything under the sun, but now our words are limited to only hi baby, good night baby, yes I still love you.  She tells me she is sorry that she does'nt experience the pleasure of sex anymore. So I can't have sex with her, can't touch her breast nipples because she does'nt like that, she goes to bed with all her cloths on as I lie there wishing for sex.  Okay I understand she does'nt feel any emotion down there anymore, but what happened to oral sex??  Well apparently that has gone out the same door too, she won't even consider doing that with me as we use to all the time.  We talked about her going to a doctor for hormone treatment, it worked but she didn't like the stomach pain and periods again so she stopped them altogether.  So I don't think there is any other way to improve a situation that is quickly disappearing and seems like it can't and won't be cured. I constantly tell her how pretty she is and how lucky I am to be married to her hoping she'll acknowledge that to me she is very pretty.  I guess in her eyes she does'nt think so.  But on the other hand, she's dressed to kill with fishnets and heels, hair all made up but it's not for my eyes to see.  It's how many looks from other men that she must be interested in appearently.  Perhaps I should just give up and live my life as an inactive man and plant a garden!  I really don't know how much longer I can go on like this without finding someone who can give me some satisfaction and relief!  We need a man's club to have discussions and maybe give insight to other thoughts or procedures that do work.  I am at a total lost in my marriage, please help!
paul007pass paul007pass
11 Responses Apr 10, 2012

there is als a book called 'Getting it on.." which is awesome. Lots of how to stuff. Don't forget personal gratification if all else fails. and sex therapy. so much to learn and so little time.

Paul, I share your pain and hope for a better resolution for you in the future. My wife is not in menopause yet as I know. However, she has limited our sexual activity to once a week and prefers no more than 10 minutes. It is frustrating but I have learned to cope. Like another person commented here, I'm only 45 but don't want to spend another 25 years in a sexless marriage. My youngest son has about 12 years to go before he is 18. A long time I know but I figure that I will hang in there until he gets a little older. When you think about it, women fare a lot better than men in these situations when it comes to divorce. They generally get the house and other material possessions that you worked so hard to provide. You get child support payments and left broke in many cases. Meanwhile, she may remarry or find some other guy and he enjoys the fruits of your labor.

I know, been there twice already. I'm trying something new tonight and will let you know how it goes.

She is offering you all bullshi..t excuses. And whats worse is you believe them. Given that she is on Social Chat Sites, i would say there is a good chance she has discovered somebody. Start to investigate this in a quite way without letting on.<br />
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If you support her financially its time to cut her off just like she has cut you off from intimacy. <br />
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Bottom line is she is playing you. Draw up the bill for her actions present it to her and demand she pay up in full.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Your marriage is done.<br />
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Your missus is happy enough to continue on in a co-habitation set up, where she gets the perks of marriage without any of the obligations - and you ain't so happy at the prospect of another 3 decades of it.<br />
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If you had proper legal advice, and knew how a divorce would shake out in your jurisdiction, you'd have a viable alternative.<br />
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Then, it would come down to a matter of choice. Stay in guaranteed misery - or get out and have another crack at living your authentic life.<br />
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Choice is a *****. But no-one gets a pass on it.<br />
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(If it is of any relevance to you, I got out at 57. Best choice I ever made, albeit painful and costly).<br />
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Tread your own path

Going thru divorce right now... working with mediator so we're trying to avoid court & lawyer fees. Decided that I'm only 50 and living another 25+ years w/o sex isn't my idea of a fulfilling life... Besides living with a hoarder, and other finanical issues. She even bring home junk mail from others from post office..."I'm going to just look thru them" and still piled up a year later..... <br />
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At least for me, hard to be close to someone unless I get laid at least weekly. Someday I'm due to retire, then lots of free time!!! I've read that if your healthy you can even have sex into your 80-90.. (ick! a bad visual right now, but guess if you're that old and banging you won't look like buffed model either!! :)

That's unacceptable in my book...I can sympathize w/you...I am currently practicing what I have read in the book Intimacy & Desire by Snarch...Take back control of your one should have to live under the premise of a SM...a marriage is exclusive, but mutually understanding...anything else is a violation of the marriage

Is it worth reading and has it helped you any?

I would say its a must read...In the last 7 months I have taken it up as a mission to understand why, how, where to go, etc and have read many books on relationships, love, desire, etc and this one really hits home...The author doesn't preach the just do it approach as others do, in fact he's quite the opposite, you must come from a personal change approach, develop your Solid can't change someone else only yourself Right.

It is helping me in being true to myself and my wants and desires...and in a marriage it only takes one to initiate change...For me my wife gets in her comfort zone and does only enuf to get back to it...Now I am taking back some ctrl and getting out of her comfort/avoidance zone and going into a growth cycle.....After all a relationship evolves over time and one can't stay in one cycle forever, and maybe that's what a SM does...forces you and the relationship to grow

Well, technically, even without menopause, it is entirely possible for someone to feel they have had quite enough for a lifetime. Some people do feel sex is boring and overrated, at least after some age. The legitimacy of these stands is not in question here. The legitimacy of holding you captive is.

I am in a similar situation and the answers to your question has opened my eyes a little more. In spite of this, old habits die hard. Not sure that there is anything easy about this situation. Best of luck to you.

It sounds like at the very least she is excited by social contact, at the social sites perhaps, of some kind.

She enjoys social media more than talking

She uses social media to avoid talking to YOU. You have to start looking at things differently, brother. Most of what she does is primarily a coping mechanism for avoiding intimacy with her husband.

I hear you loud and clear! Time to do some steppin myself, there are plaenty of good woman out there.

Get a divorce. It is now or later. She does not love you any more. You know it. <br />
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When her nets snag the next loser, she will dump you in a heartbeat.<br />
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Stop linking this problem with her menopause. Menopause has nothing to do with your problem.


I need the proof, or I'll llose my *** in the court system

Talk to a lawyer RIGHT NOW!!! Check out ww DOT secretdivorce DOT com for more useful info.


1 More Response

There is no legitimate physical reason older women can not enjoy sex, "no emotions down there" is BS! Older women enjoy and have sex all the time. If she is dressing like that, in a sexy style, then my guess is that sexuality exists for her someplace, maybe not at home. Does she have a boyfriend?

Not that I'm aware of, but she is constantly on social sites