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My Husband Is Spying On Me!

Just wanted to get some comments from all of you regarding this new development.

My Husband put some some type of a tracking or recording device in my vehicle.

I admit that I am guilty of looking at my H's cell phone, but that is as far as I have ever gone to snoop. And I know THAT it is wrong. I am glad that I looked at his phone tonight, because that is how I found out about his spy device in my truck. I plan on looking for the device tomorrow. It is dark out, or I would do it now.

I don't understand WHY he would do this now! We are getting divorced. I asked my attorney at the first consultation if it would make any difference if there was any infidelity in my marriage. She said, Adultery is not relevant to custody / visitation in my state. My attorney advised me to wait to "date" until the divorce is final. ( which I plan to do).

I am very upset over this! Hard to believe that 2 wks ago, he was pleading for a chance to "try & work on things". He wonders WHY
I don't want to "try" . There is no way to recover from this lack of trust! Why on earth would I want to continue in a marriage like this? I am a prisoner!

Does anyone have any experience in these matters? Any suggestions? Should I confront him with it? Leave the device alone ( provided that I locate it) & let it record me going to the gym & the grocery store? I am worried about "what"may be in my home. I can't even have a private phone conversation now. I have to assume that he will see/ hear everything.
ANewLife4Me ANewLife4Me 46-50, F 32 Responses Apr 17, 2012

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My husband's initials Are TJA lives Charlotte North Carolina he works for a major banking company and he has spied on me. he has recorded me put these devices in my car in my house he even watched me through the TV somehow he even had me several voice activated microphone he also use his company computer to remotely access me every second where I'm at in my house make sure I'm there even put recording devices in my car he even went through all my facebook hacked my email these are federal crimes device he uses to get things like Netflix and you through our DVD players he is really A sick you know what that's what I've got to cheat because he is dead you know where no passion no nothing he will run 26 miles and then if I ask for sex he think somethings wrong with me. every second of my life I found out for months he has monitored through devices in the house. Motion detected camera he even record off cell phone activity he even somehow had a program on his work computer too GPS my car see where I'm at in my house motion detected cameras he is really a sick person all he had to do was give it up I would not had to look for it. this stuff is against the law and I was going to report him to the FBI in fact I did. he's hacked my cell phones my computers everything but then he made me think that it wasn't there I went into a full breakdown I spent time in the hospital and got on all this medicine and I thought something was really wrong with me. but lo and behold I got a letter today I just got out of the hospital yesterday and found out the report on my computer is he really was doing those things and he drove me crazy I'm going to sue him I'm going to sue the company who gave him the computer to remotely access me and the government who gave him an SI clearance everyone should get together on the bell any stalkers put them in jail and let big Bubba put it up his butt and I hope he will become big Bubba ***** in the pin and let him put it up the butt because he couldn't couldn't do me. I feel ultimately violated I had a nervous breakdown thinking I was crazy they even put me on anti psychotics I got a report in the mail from the computer people that were analyzing it and I found out he did even more than that he put me in the hospital by driving me crazy with this crap been making me think it couldn't be done everybody thought it couldn't be done well it can be and I had to suffer a serious serious nervous breakdown because I thought it was happening and everybody thought it couldn't. well people it can and I'm going to sue him the company he Iworked for the government that gave h I thought he worked Nsa clearance so he could do it to me through the government I want to sue them too. I had to go in the hospital take these anti psychotics and I even apologize for accusing him of such behavior I said I know no one could have done that. well tja did. and I still am going to have to be on medicine from the breakdown but I'm gonna make sure he goes to prison like I had to the hospital I got three teeth broken by some psychotic woman and I should never tJa is a sick sick man a sick sick all He had to do was quit running and put it out on me. after I got out the hospital I apologize to him for thinking such things and you know that son of a gun said I was dead to him know he's been dead to me for a long time you know what I mean. girls if you know who he is don't touch him cause you won't get none let him get a man I think he would be happier. I know he would be a big disappointment to you so watch out

Wow. I read this and felt as though I was reading my own words. I didn't know if I should think this were a set up just for me (major paranoia) or the horrid realization that others suffer with navigating abusive relationships as well. My problems started years ago after the birth if my child and have grown in magnitude ever since. I have done nothing but try to make a better life for our family (getting higher paying less out of the home commitment) jobs and even returned to graduate school for a second time to earn another advanced degree. By the way, he strongly encouraged me to return to school but shortly after I began the hell intensified. He would become angry and jealous at the sure of my laptop let alone another man. Ever so slowly he also started pulling away from me and our relationship became less and less intimate. I was so upset because I am struggling through a PhD program to make life better for our family and he hates me for it. I developed a friendship with a man (we would share talk about our professions, articles, etc) and he lost his mind. His violent verbal outbursts have resulted in me developing a panic disorder and am now going through medical tests for my physical symptoms that have resulted from excessive stress hormones. Then on The weekend I found out, per his confession, that he put an audio recorder in my car and has been recording my phone conversations for months. I am now convinced there are recorders EVERYWHERE! I am so paranoid I can't think. I even went to the police and they did NOTHING! nothing like being stalked by your husband and living in terror every single day for fear if what he will do next. I am in the process of trying to move out and it's terrible because I have to allow him access to our son since he hasn't done anything law enforcement seems to care about! HELP!!!!! Right now he's downstairs and I'm afraid to get up. This is no way to live. Someone please say something to help me file the papers and do what I need to do to protect myself and my son from his insane behavior!

Glad to here that you are concerned about the security of your home. My husband planted a voice activated device in our home and recorded everything that my children and I said, along with all incoming/outgoing phone calls. I did not know this for 8 years. I did think though that I was going crazy. I began to think the "walls of the house had ears". He put a GPS on my car, checking my odometer daily, etc. He kept a room locked in the house and eventually slept there with the door locked. He is using manipulation and control in a highly covert way. Nothing good will come of this. You have no trust, he definitely has no trust. Can you get the trust back? That is yours alone to decide. It is a very steep hill to climb. I finally left a marriage of 30 years, because I came to realize that the fear of the unknown was much less than the fear of the known. Anything had to be better than the way I was living. Truly, life is so much better, I had no idea. No one can make these decisions for you, however, be aware, this is abuse and the question is... are you not worth more than this? My best wishes go with you.

If you have nothing to hide let it go. Let him spy on you and he will see this. If you confront him ,especially angry, it will seem suspicious. I don't know why people in a good relationship would need private phone calls

My significant other and I started our affair 5 years ago...our spouses discovered 2 years ago. My wife and I have since separated. My future wife remains completely paralyzed and trapped by her husband..for these two years he has completely controlled and tracked her every move...and has since twice discovered that our intimacy continues....each time erupting with hostility and threatened suicide and exposing her to the kids... Her fear of just leaving is that he has threatened to tell their kids exactly what mom did...he has also sexually assaulted her once and often has been found standing over her while she sleeps....she is under the belief that it is her duty as mom to endure this to protect their kids until they are old enough to deal with divorce...but she also needs him to accept life and leave on his own so they can just focus on raise kids separately....he won't leave because it would bebe a huge public ego issue and he gets a thrill out of the suffocation and deprivation she and I consequently suffer. He is on meds to control his moods...but he is a hostile man that does not accept losing anything without anger and potentially violence. I need to know how I can legally step in And do to
protect her...he had stalked me as well..she is locked in fear....all three of us work together...help

Don't fool yourselves thinking guys want to only know if you're cheating. Men who go to the extreme to watch your every move have more motives. My husband is extremely insecure and has some kind of deep need to control his environment. Yes, its possible he cheats, couldn't handle if I was the cheating type, but all in all, its his inner drive and need to control his environment and everything in it, especially me. Getting divorced? Separated? Makes that need even more needed! Don't turn to drugs or drinking or attemps at suicide!!!! This only hands major control back to him! Get
antidepressants that help with yor lanxiety. Make a plan if ur planning to leave don't hold conversation in closed areas. Walk out side away from any electronics without anything on you encluding auto car opener on you if you confide in anyone. The police are lame and have been for centuries when it comes to protection of women. Its hardpressed to find one male officer who knows ANYTHING ABOUT ELECTRONICS! They wouldn't be in law enforcement if they did!

Spybubble is one of many programs that can b down loaded onto your phone. With spy bubble pro extra cost he can use ur cell phone as a hiden microphone. Ur Phone doesn't need to be on to work. He can hear Live conversations thru ur cell phone. Chances are its nit a device seperate in ur carits just ur cell phone spybubble records Live conversations, texts, gps tracking, and viocemail by splitting ur cell phones incomming and out going cell signals. Its a program he has to put directly onto ur phone. He has to have physical control for 30 seconds is all. Check to see if he ever has ur phone on call waiting or forwarding?only way to stop is to pull battery outof ur phone to cut signal. Its not rcket science its just knowing right thing to google in ur search. I had tried but couldn't locate info on internet until I googled the right questions. Many women are victims of this. I am but he's to good at what he's doing for me to locate or figure out what he's doing since I know about spy bubble. Ever feel sick and wonder why. I'm sick a lot these days. Am I being poisoned??? I don't know. Too weak to find out. My heads worth $100.000.00 plus dead! Good luck, include me in your prayers! God bless us women!

I had a FAAAR worse psycho than being tracked on a vehicle, which he also did to me thru my Sirrus Radio in my car, which he took from me. I was being tracked on anything electronic!! He put an SMS Tracker on my phone, used my new tv, blu ray/DVD player, & my Wii to monitor/spy on me once he left the marital home. He knows a way to use the 3 electronic devices to listen to EVERYTHING in the home by blue tooth. He would activate it remotely thru my computer the tv, blu ray & Wii. Then just burn it to a DVD player, which was ALREADY in the blu ray/DVD. Who knows WHO he sent these too!!!! I started drinking heavily, even doing drugs. I jumped right into a DEEP depression!! I'll NEVER know how far he's gone with it. In our divorce, which I recommend GET AN ATTORNEY!, I was left destitute! He's says otherwise, but when your awarded $10,000 a tent, sleeping bag, & lantern....it's HARD to get started.....ALL OVER AGAIN!! I TRUSTED this P.O.S. and I believed in him. Once I sold the car, I paid, into the relationship, & sold it...that's when he started liquidating EVERYTHING, and poured on the spying! I think he did this to me b cuz I was going to stumble onto something. Maybe the 4 vaca's a year he took without me? Maybe ALL the women he had bought gifts for....who knows. The divorce came out of NO WHERE!! NEVER saw it coming, I was just a student trying to get my Bachelors. Thank God I already had my ***.!! I have come to find out that the REASON he tracked me was because HE WAS UP TO NO GOOD!!!! I'll never know, and NOW, I really don't care. I still have electronics problems....he didn't want me, HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE NOW!!! I leave him ALONE! I called the local authorities, but they didn't EVEN believe me, how to make them is a whole different story. I will pray for you, that you don't get the dosage like I did...b cuz it DOES take it's toll..!! Good Luck, and Take Care of Yourself! Janet

I'm going through a similar situation right now. My husband had an affair for 4 years (in SC) and that is my grounds for divorce. I was told by my attorney NOT to be caught with ANY man, even a friend. If caught, it would be adultery on my part and he would not have to pay alimony. Since my ex is a cheap SOB, I have to watch everything I do and say because I know he is trying to get out of paying anything to me. So, I have not put myself in any such situation because I refuse to give up my alimony although, since he has already admitted to his adulterous affair, he can be with anyone he chooses at anytime.....how's that for SC Law?

if you find the device might i suggest you attach it to a long distance lorry

maybe he thinks it will help reduce alimony or support for the children....a desperate man is hard to understand or predict.

I don't think it is for financial purposes. It is for Personal purposes, so he can really BLAME me. I do not trust him.

isn't it sad when you cant trust your onetime partner and soulmate? I feel thesame way~

If you spy on your spouse, you deserve to have him/her dislike you and you should be in the throes of a divorce and preparing for guilt-throwing. There is no other advantage...s/he will hate you after finding out you spent all that time and money on stalking her. Also, you may find that she notices she's being followed and misconstrues what's going on and you might just drive her crazy with fear, not knowing why someone is stalking her. Don't be an idiot. Just talk to your spouse and go with your gut.

Watch out for key loggers on your pc in case he tries to read what you type!

I do most of my typing online using my iPad, which I keep with me.

The other way to protect yourself is not to write anything online you wouldn't be OK with him finding. In fact, you can use his tendency to snoop to communicate with him - here, for instance. If he does not accept direct communication, then he may have no choice if he finds you have said the same thing to others, given the same reasons, and received affirmation that you are being reasonable and sensible.

I really wouldn't want him to know "what" I type online. At this point, it is none of his business. If he knew about this group, he would blame all of you, for influencing me. It's got to be something, other than HIM, in his mind.

I guess the obvious reason for why did he do this? He wants to catch you with another man. I dont see any other reason for his spy trap. He needs some serious counseling.

Yes, he does need counseling. I hope he gets it. He cannot reconcile in his mind, " why" I wouldn't want to stay with him. He thinks there is no one better. He made a remark not too long ago, that I could've ended up with an alcoholic.

The only " reason" for me to want a divorce & not want to try & fix our marriage, in his mind, is because of another man. Sadly, it isn't true.

I am certainly looking forward to another man in my future! I certainly don't plan on waiting long. I am so ready to move on!

My STBX thinks the same thing - that the only reason I could possibly not want to be married to wonderful him is if I lost my mind and/or had a boyfriend!

Once you do locate the device, it would be a hoot to install it on your husband's car so he starts tracking his own steps. It might take him a few days to figure it out, but in the meantime you'd have him watching his rear view mirror constantly, trying to figure out how it is you can follow him so well and never get spotted.

Until you locate it, have fun! For example: I'd consider some very serious conversations with Jesus in which you are both yourself (asking Jesus questions) and Jesus (answering you). <br />
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Consider the potential fun in singing every dirty ditty (nursery rhyme, whatever) you have ever heard for your entire journey. Or recite any and all poems you canm remember. The ob<x>ject is to be HUGELY boring!!<br />
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Talk to yourself about your multiple "lovers". Compare their good points with each other - and especially where they are "better" than your husband. . . . <br />
As in:<br />
"Peter has a MUCH bigger penis than "x" (husband) or Dennis - but Dennis IS a millionaire! OTOH, Garry is sooooo good looking - no wonder he was on the cover of GQ! But Garry isn't nearly as romantic as Julio . . . . Oh! I just can't decide!"<br />
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And next time, go through the same routine about your "lovers", but give them all new names. . .

Enna I am guessing that this device is similar to the ones used to track cell phones, so he probably cant hear her he can only follow a GPS signal as to where she is, so my advice would be for her to stop at every attorney office in town and then every hotel in town, LOL

LOVE that idea!! Maybe throw in the Funeral Parlour just to give him cause to pause . . . !

Aha Enna! I actually thought of staging a little back seat action! A male voice, saying my name, groaning.... Both of us panting, heavy breathing.....Me saying, yes...yes...yessssss!

What a laugh that would be!

Don't stick with ONE male voice!! Enlist a chorus . . . !! :)

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I would contact my attorney..they are used to all kinds of situations...and follow those instructiins..it may be worth your while to do that...because they may want to consider a restraining order.....this kind of game is against you right to privacy..and is not to be taken lightly..and if your spouse went so far as to do this for the car..i think he would have had someone else provide something on the computer..and so..i would take it some where to have it checked out.and your attorney may very well advise you to do that also..the same with your phone..<br />
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For awhile ..i felt that my phone was being tapped..i never was able to get it sorted out..Comcast telephone..in not exactly the best in the world. Just be prudent...

I have NOT located it yet! He was home today. I think it is somewhere under the passenger seat. I noticed that some DVDs, & my umbrella were moved. I looked in that area 3 times today, with a flashlight, & didn't see anything. I also staged a phone call with a friend to give him something to listen to! Lol I arranged items a certain way, so I would know if someone moved them. Sure enough! Tonight he took my daughter to get ice cream & things were moved again. Tomorrow I will look Again. <br />
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This is what my attorney has to say about it:<br />
First of all, it is illegal for him to tape record you like this.  He must be a party to the conversation (and then it is legal) or it is a crime. You must bring your car to an mechanic and see if they can detect anything. If they do, they must take photos and you can call the police, tell them the only one who could have done this was your husband because you are going through a divorce and ask that he be arrested for illegally taping you.  If you do not want to do that, then you could always have it removed, take a picture and send it to me so that I can forward to his attorney to stop this. As for the house, you need to have someone come in your house (a private investigator type person) to sweep for any bugs. Again, same thing, you can call the police if something is found. <br />
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 I am sorry you have to live your life this way and it should not happen. These steps should prevent this from happening again because you are going to either have him arrested or I will be putting his attorney on notice. Let me know if you need the name of a person to check the house for bugs.  <br />
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I was very upset by this, but I am trying to see the positive in it. This may give me the leverage I need to GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE!<br />
I HOPE I find it! I HOPE it is a voice recorder! His choice....get arrested or get out of the house! Keep your fingers crossed!

Yup, he is a bit unhinged! He is sick today, so spying has taken a back seat. I can't wait for him to be better. I can't wait to find it! Then he can either get arrested or get out of the house! I am so ice of this!

Typo above..supposed to read..I am so sick of this!

Wow. If/when you find it, contact your local DA's office. They have a domestic violence unit that can get you a restraining order. A friend of mine is the atty in charge of these things in a nearby county and she talks about things just like this all the time. A restraining order will not look good if he decides to fight you for custody or really, tries to talk smack about you to anyone. Also, I am concerned that this is just one step away from violence. Stay safe first. Do not ignore this as a huge red flag!

If he pulls this stuff once you are separated, please file a restraining order - this may be more of a control issue, and may end up getting scary.

It IS a control issue. There is no reason for him to do this now. We are getting divorced. He won't move out. He views me as his property. He is happy Knowing that I am at home. He doesn't care about me or my feelings. He doesn't want HIS happy life to change!

He's clearly in denial that he is at any fault for your dysfunctional marriage. In his mind, he thinks if you don't want to try and work on things, then you must be having an affair. The tracker is him trying to find proof.

I agree! He needs to put his efforts into our Future separate lives. Not this...

My STBX thinks the same thing.

I come from the opposite side of this. My wife thought for over two years I was spying on her, she was bitchy all the time and constantly accusing me of all kinds of things. I had know idea what was wrong and was not spying on her. When I would ask or try to talk to her, she would just storm off or complain about something else and never answer.<br />
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Finally, she agreed to go to counseling. When I found out what she was thinking (apparently she thought I was a mind reader and knew why she was being such a *****), I explained everything she was accusing me of, she apologized and we are seeing if we can work out all the damage she has done to our marriage. The truth is she just construed everything as a incitement of her. There are many things but one was where she thought I was tracking her cell phone. I had the tracking on my son's cell, it sends a message to the tracked phone letting the owner of the phone know it is being tracked, because he's 12 and is constantly losing it. Also, it is a safety precaution in case something horrible were to happen. I showed her the message on his phone and she just said she didn't know but thought I was tracking her. <br />
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OK the lesson is just ask, don't assume (there may be a logical explanation) before you damage your marriage beyond repair.

The reason he's tracking her is because she's drawn up divorce papers because he refused to get help for issues within the marriage. The marriage is over.

Are you sure he wasn't tracking your phone? Iphones have a gps.<br />
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The reason he did that is because he suspects that you are cheating, and would like to catch you. He is watching, and will take other measures as well.

I don't have a smart phone ( iPhone). Yes, he suspects. But NOW he starts spying? After the divorce summons is served, After we have hired lawyers. It doesn't make sense!

Infidelity (real or perceived) makes people crazy, NewLife.

Almost certainly illegal - in most jurisdictions the cops have to get a warrant before doing so, I thought there had been an Supreme Court case on this?<br />
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So, get advice from your lawyer when you have the facts, and have some fun. You can almost certainly have him on the back foot with this.

They're wired in to the ignition circuits x

Find it and put it on his car.

I think attaching it to a cab is genius... choose one that goes to the airport...

If the circumstances were different it would be hilarious, an absolute hoot! He's been watching too many spy movies. I have a vision of two drunk mates talking about the impending divorce in the bar and saying, "<i>Yeah, you should put a tracking device in her vehicle to find out what she gets up to. You never know it might be useful, somehow</i>".<br />
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If you can find it you could have some fun with it. You could stick it on a trans-national logistics trailer unit. Imagine what he might try to make of that. Although I ought to caution that might be illegal, I don't know. Even better, you could put it on his own vehicle and see how long it takes him to figure it out. It's not as if he he is going to challenge you about it, is he? I wonder if anybody does a bumper sticker that says "<u><b>My truck has stealth technology</b></u>".<br />
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As far as the "repair things" issue is concerned well he has well and truly buried any dwindling prospect of that but he had already probably written that off anyway. He has just helped remove any remaining doubts you might have had.

You have told YOUR lawyer about this idiocy I assume. What did he say ?<br />
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Me ? Well I think I would find it irresistable to go on meandering drives of a random nature at very odd times. I think I would call him from some locality (where he knew I was) claiming to be somewhere else. I would be inclined to lend the car to a friend and whilst he was tracking it in motion walk through the front door. Better, if I located the device, I might affix iy to an interstate long haul truck, or a local cab.<br />
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Really though, he seems intent on proving that he is an imbecile, and I would suggest that anyone he is bleating to about being the injured party would fast be coming to that very point he is intent on proving.<br />
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Tread your own path

I would like to second the suggestion to find the device and and put it on a (non police) vehicle that does a lot of driving. I also recommend not driving your car anywhere until you find the device.

Have to drive the car. I just monitor everything I say.

Yes Baz, told my lawyer. I posted her opinion in a reply on this story. I also thought of having some fun with it &amp; staging some phony conversations. You have taken it to a whole other level! Lol. There is a comical side to this.

My ex-husband did some snooping, too. There was no one else involved in the divorce, I just couldn't tolerate living with him. But he was desperate to try to find someone. He actually lied to his family and told them I was cheating. I think he wanted to take the spotlight off himself and blame someone else...

I actually thought of making someone up! I thought of creating a fake boyfriend so he would accept it &amp; move on, instead of being in denial. No one would ever want to leave a man like him, in his eyes. He is wonderful. He just " didn't know" that 14 years without sex or intimacy of any kind was a problem! Not his fault!

If leaving him won't break his denial, then nothing will! Mine didn't change either. He just set about destroying my character. I was all sorts of variations on selfish, insane, gold-digging (that was when I asked for child-support) and generally an all-round witch. Yours may get bitter and angry too? But don't get drawn in, just do what you need to do and don't engage, it will make it way worse!!!

That could backfire. If you have a boyfriend then maybe if the relationship ends, in his mind, you'll be back. Careful.

No, I THOUGHT of making one up. I am not actually doing it. MY H would go ballistic! I am His property. I don't know how he is going to react after we are divorced &amp; I actually do date someone. I don't think he will handle it well. He seems to be getting more &amp; more controlling.....even though we are divorcing.

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Its true Fidelity makes absolutely no difference if you want to get a Divorce.

I am sure his attorney told him this. What is the motivation?

Honestly I know of people, men specifically that likes to record their wives telephone calls and cameras. Perhaps some sort of Fetish?

Control maybe. Wants to catch you doing wrong so he can blame you more. Or just because he can. Maybe he's hoping it's someone else because then if that ends you'll stay with him? Not after this stuff thats for sure.

Guys like to watch, some more then others.

My Husband doesn't LIKE anything having to do with sex!!

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