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Another Rambling Post (from 7/30/09)

An old post from a recently found file
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I've been fighting out what feels like WWII in my house this last week. Tensions are rising and I am coping less well than I ever have with this. I threw a couple of grenades into the relationship, taking off my ring and leaving it by the bathroom sink for eight days until it caused a huge stir. After a few days of fighting, DW made a doctors appointment and decided o try therapy with me because she thought that I was about to divorce her. I'm such a 12 year old. But damn it, almost a year of suggesting the doctor and the therapy yielded no results. Now I've twisted the situation, and feel like I hijacked her choice. My intent was to shoot a warning flare, but ended up setting off a grenade.

My fear is this: that even if we start to have a normal marriage, we have been absolutely sexless since seven months before the wedding so it has never been normal, even if we start to have a normal marriage, something will happen and we will relapse. I have a bit to wait until we start therapy, and I am circumambulating this thing, and I hate myself for the way that I have dealt with it, but short of just walking out or resigning myself to it completely, I'm at a loss for a real solution other than what I did. Suggesting that there was a problem didn't work. Saying there was a problem didn't work. telling her how the problem was killing me didn't work. Taking off my wedding ring got her attention.

I put it back on afterwards, not because I wanted to wear it, because I don't. It is like the last link in a terrible chain. I put it back on because it got her attention and that was what I wanted. Desired effect achieved. Now the law of unintended consequences has taken over, and in the mean time until we get into therapy, I'm floating in rough seas, even compared to where I was at before the ring hit the counter.
LoneHombre LoneHombre 26-30, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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So sweetheart ...are you out of this or not ???

Thanks for reposting LH - I think this illustrates why it really helps to have thought through what one does in these situations, the exit plan, the commitment. It does work - whatever way it goes, if you are committed, have no real choice.<br />
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One of the things that finally penetrated to DW is that I was utterly serious, no BS, no games, no dissembling. Status quo no more.<br />
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Yet we're human, the situation's often a mess - but then I've found it's important to trust yourself in these circumstances, and react on what your gut tells you. Good decisions are made with the head and heart, sometimes you have to shoot from the hip.