I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Speaking Of Lingerie And Self-esteem And Refusals--my Thoughts
By:
msdamgoode
Written on April 23rd, 2012
I wear mine, sex or no. Okay, maybe not the corsets and garter belt sets or the merry widows, but the camisoles and tap pants, and the short silky nighties. Pretty robes and sexy bras. In fact, I'm wearing a silk camisole and tap pant set right now. Of course hubby is snoring obliviously beside me.
Whatever. I wear pretty nightclothes for myself now, not for him. Nice, silky undies and nightwear help me feel pretty and feminine, something I have lost in myself for waaaay too long. For quite some time, the refusals led to me feeling unworthy. I took it all VERY personally, and so I wore oversized old paint stained tshirts and flannel bottoms to bed, gained thirty pounds, and basically gave up on myself. I figured if I was unsexy in his eyes, then I truly was.
I stopped doing the things that made me feel good about myself, like a punishment for someone else's crime. I was down on myself. I could only focus on the rejection. So I stopped trying. After all, I thought, what was the point of having silky smooth legs, pretty painted toenails, buffed and moisturised skin, well groomed hair, pretty skirts that showed my legs, and shirts that showed my breasts to their best advantage? Why shave my legs and pluck eyebrows and put on make-up? Why put forth the effort if it went unnoticed and unappreciated my brain said. After all, it didn't make a lick of difference. I had done all those things and still been refused, why keep it up?
But about a year ago, something in me woke up. I decided that I deserved to treat myself as if I was sexy. And it was a major shift in my thinking. I lost weight. I started buying clothes that made me feel confidant and pretty. And my lingerie came back out of the bottom drawer. I threw out the ugly, bulky bathrobes, and pulled out the silks. But this time, I was doing it for me, not for him.
He's still a refuser, but so what? *I* feel better. And now, that's what counts.
Whatever. I wear pretty nightclothes for myself now, not for him. Nice, silky undies and nightwear help me feel pretty and feminine, something I have lost in myself for waaaay too long. For quite some time, the refusals led to me feeling unworthy. I took it all VERY personally, and so I wore oversized old paint stained tshirts and flannel bottoms to bed, gained thirty pounds, and basically gave up on myself. I figured if I was unsexy in his eyes, then I truly was.
I stopped doing the things that made me feel good about myself, like a punishment for someone else's crime. I was down on myself. I could only focus on the rejection. So I stopped trying. After all, I thought, what was the point of having silky smooth legs, pretty painted toenails, buffed and moisturised skin, well groomed hair, pretty skirts that showed my legs, and shirts that showed my breasts to their best advantage? Why shave my legs and pluck eyebrows and put on make-up? Why put forth the effort if it went unnoticed and unappreciated my brain said. After all, it didn't make a lick of difference. I had done all those things and still been refused, why keep it up?
But about a year ago, something in me woke up. I decided that I deserved to treat myself as if I was sexy. And it was a major shift in my thinking. I lost weight. I started buying clothes that made me feel confidant and pretty. And my lingerie came back out of the bottom drawer. I threw out the ugly, bulky bathrobes, and pulled out the silks. But this time, I was doing it for me, not for him.
He's still a refuser, but so what? *I* feel better. And now, that's what counts.
By:
msdamgoode
Age:
41-45
,
Female
View more Responses
