(no) Sex, Chronic Pain And ***** Clubs
My wife suffers from chronic pain, neuropathy and diabetes. The drug regimen she is on is severe, to say the least and she spends most of every day in bed. What little time she has out of bed is spent volunteering for various organizations that our daughter belongs too. I am left to work my job, cook, clean and run the daily operational activities associated with a suburban family. She does her best I suppose but you can tell that most activity causes her severe pain and the drugs have taken a terrible toll on her body and spirit. It's not the life either of us wanted. And here I am, at 40 and with all our other problems, craving sex. I want a woman to touch me, I want to make a woman have an ****** and watch that wave of pleasure as it crosses her face. But my wife cannot do it. Occasionally she makes her self available but it's not a reciprocated activity, and it's hard to have fun when you know it hurts someone. We have always had mismatched sex drives but with the drugs and the pain sex has (rightly so) dropped off her list of things to be concerned about. I have made it through years of this with copious amounts of p o r n and a little exercise but it's not working any more. I have started going to ***** clubs, the women there are beautiful and they talk to me, make me feel wanted and appreciated. I get lap dances and while it's not strictly cheating, I know it would hurt her to know I am doing this. I do not want to have an affair, or leave my wife and tear up my family. The fantasy provided by strippers makes me feel alive, virile and stress free, so I am happy to pay for it in the confines of the club.I can't be honest with her about this, she suffers enough and when I bring up my needs she sinks headfirst into a pit of depression and self pity. I should be more honest with her, but realistically even if she were to make the effort its one more thing she can't do. I am consumed, perhaps obsessed, with my desire to have a warm female body pressed against mine. Asking her to condone this would crush her. Do I continue with this little lie to keep my sanity and my family together? I feel guilty, shameful and at the same time horny. What happens when the strippers aren't enough... what happens if she doesn't get any better?