I Live In a Sexless Marriage
When I look back on my own history and review the many posts here, it seems clear that we are missing something in the planning stages of a relationship. What can we do right from the beginnings, before we marry or cohabitate, promise ourselves to each other, to prevent such lonely miseries?
Maybe our pastors really need to enphasize the sexual obligations we have to each other, not just monogamy, but actually loving and fullfilling and sexually giving the other person the care lovemaking that will keep her/him happily monogamous. Maybe we must define monogamy and remove the mistaken assumption that monogamy can require a celebacy should if one's partner unilaterally decides to deny sexual relations. While you forsake all others and spare and save your affection for your spouse only, if your spouse refuses you, your physical attentions, then what? Cheating seems like a two way street.; The rejected spouse is cheated by the partner who refusesher/him in the bedroom. This refusal constitutes a breach of contract, a breaking of a promise, a cheating or reduction in essential needs.
So perhaps we must educate other engaged newly bonding couples and help them draft a coupling plan that will address what they will need or agree to should one or the other be unable, unwilling, unenthusiastic about conjugal matters. So they write down and discuss the host of what if's and collaborate the best course of action. If the two have a plan in place BEFORE the wedding, before the engagement, before moving in together, then both have more equal footing and bargaining power so they might go into the union honestly and with an agreed upon plan.
Some issues to include:
Should ___________become ill and the illness affects the sexual desire, physical capacity and the like then we will agree to the following plan__________
Should ______________become interested in someone else he/she will address this honestly with his/her partner as knowledge, while painful, empowers the partner to make decisions and and the two to fairly work this out with one another equitably.
I just believe we must address our sexual and relational issues openly if we are to move past these sad severed sexless marriages.
Maybe our pastors really need to enphasize the sexual obligations we have to each other, not just monogamy, but actually loving and fullfilling and sexually giving the other person the care lovemaking that will keep her/him happily monogamous. Maybe we must define monogamy and remove the mistaken assumption that monogamy can require a celebacy should if one's partner unilaterally decides to deny sexual relations. While you forsake all others and spare and save your affection for your spouse only, if your spouse refuses you, your physical attentions, then what? Cheating seems like a two way street.; The rejected spouse is cheated by the partner who refusesher/him in the bedroom. This refusal constitutes a breach of contract, a breaking of a promise, a cheating or reduction in essential needs.
So perhaps we must educate other engaged newly bonding couples and help them draft a coupling plan that will address what they will need or agree to should one or the other be unable, unwilling, unenthusiastic about conjugal matters. So they write down and discuss the host of what if's and collaborate the best course of action. If the two have a plan in place BEFORE the wedding, before the engagement, before moving in together, then both have more equal footing and bargaining power so they might go into the union honestly and with an agreed upon plan.
Some issues to include:
Should ___________become ill and the illness affects the sexual desire, physical capacity and the like then we will agree to the following plan__________
Should ______________become interested in someone else he/she will address this honestly with his/her partner as knowledge, while painful, empowers the partner to make decisions and and the two to fairly work this out with one another equitably.
I just believe we must address our sexual and relational issues openly if we are to move past these sad severed sexless marriages.
By:
ubasti
Age:
70+
8
responses
