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I Hear The Death March Off In The In Distance

I've moved quite a bit ahead in my decisions. Surviving the now will be a snap once I have cemented the final nail in the coffin.

I will know by tomorrow if in fact what he says about his **** use and self satisfaction is true. He says he is "unable" to finish. I"ll spare you the details of how I know, but I will know because well I know him and his habits.

Sometimes I need that final nail to move forward, I guess I'm funny like that - I know I am not the only person who has to be certain to the highest degree before I can move on. In this relationship I have been gaslighted, etc. lied to, manipulated and I just need that one last piece of information to set my feet firmly on my path.

It actually feels pretty good.
unreality66 unreality66 41-45 9 Responses Apr 25, 2012

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Taken into context with your other stories, this "episode" appears to play little to no role in the overall dysfunction of your marriage that has been going on for the life of the marriage.<br />
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Perhaps now is the time to salvage a bit of dignity for BOTH of you, cease looking for "evidence" and move on with the exit plan.

well, let's just put it this way - all of his dirty underwear are hidden, no where where they normally are...that kind of tells you what you need to know.

How did the blow stain search go ?<br />
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Tread your own path.

gas lighting is a reference to a very old movie about a man who marries a woman and then proceeds to convince her she's insane. Some people will literally make you feel like that - like if you catch them doing something you can start the convo KNOWING what you saw and by the time you walk away you doubt yourself. It's crazy - if you've never had it done to you it's easy to think, "oh that would never happen to me" but once you've lived it you know it's entirely possible.

What's all this about "blow", "gaslighting" etc.?

That in and off itself is not the matter - he has bullied me mentally for years so the more resolve I have internally - the stronger my indifference to him, and this and the more I look forward to having a life I make. It's not the act or whatever. I am lacking words - it's like if someone runs over you like a lawn mower often and long enough, you start to doubt yourself so it's good to add a little bit of rebar to your lawn to make sure that doesn't happen. He is such a good liar/con man - and I just need more fortitude to exit.

What difference is it going to make whether you find blow stains in his undies or not ?<br />
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He is intimacy averse to you either way.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Okay, trying to be delicate - men leave "evidence" behind that you can easily see - he has habits - they have never changed - I just need to check undergarments to know the truth (and actually any woman can do this herself, but I recommend if you are curious start buying them darker colored underwear) I learned this when I was figuring out infidelity you know on his part.

I thought you were talking about one of those filtered lights that make 'it' fluoresce. There has been the odd reference to crispy socks here before. Nice! 😉

Spy cam???