Met With Lawyer Today (finally!)

Forget about any oral agreement; it's just a waste of your energy to focus on it. Even if he were to comply with it, it remains unenforceable because it involves an interest in land. So you might as well use it as a bargaining point, but don't rely on it even a little bit yourself.



Other than wishing you strength and good fortune, all I can think of is to suggest you remember that just because he takes a position in talking with you does not mean he is foreseeing the outcome. Almost by definition, he is staking out positions in the hopes of rattling you, or giving your self confidence a whack, or wearing you down. That isn't so much from his being nasty as it is from his feeling frightened.



Listen to your attorney and make your decisions based on that advice. Continue communicating all you want with husb. but by relying on your attorney's input, you will be much less likely to get rattled or up in arms merely by a discussion in which your husband begins to act out his anxiety. You will become able to recognize weakness when you see it, and his unnecessary aggressiveness is probably covering for his feelings of disempowerment. As you become empowered by this, remember that part of exercising superior power effectively is to pick your battles and to avoid unnecessary aggressiveness yourself. Let your self confidence build and let your attorney guide you.

Oh, and those 1,000s of govt workers being laid off? They are all getting long-term settlements or early retirement; lots will probably be hired back as consultants (keeping the headcount down). The economy in this town isn't about to crash any time soon.

If neither of you can afford to buy the other out, even by refinancing the house, then the best solution may be for the house to be sold and the proceeds split.



I hear ya, Zsu. Unfortunately people often "forget" verbal agreements. Your lawyers will help make sure you both get treated fairly.

Will he leave?



If so, and you're in the house and can cover it, you can wait him out to be reasonable on the buyout terms (both the $$$$ and payment plan).



In Penelope's deal, it took about 9 months of yelling to get to his real price (50% off of where he started). The house was unfinished and located far from any employment. The only conceivable buyer in the universe was ME. 'Lot's of funny stories about those negotiations.



On the other hand, with my ex wife, she rather inadvertently had me by the nuts. A big house in an affluent, rural, uber-quaint town is close to unsellable. There are no buyers, but, plenty, plenty of sellers. 2 1/2 years on, it's still on the market.



It was such a boondoggle that I had to just walk away from it 100%. She has it to live in with her 2 grown kids and will use it for pension up the road.



These tales boil down to luck and nerve. How lucky and nervy do you feel, given the facts?

I hope your journey through the divorce process is fair and that decisions made between you and your stbx are based upon the love you share for your children.



My daughter is going through a "high-conflict divorce" with her stbx who possesses a narcissistic personality. There is a wonderful book called "Divorce Poison" and I pray you will never need to read it. A man who cannot handle his own life, and requests full custody of the children, is taking an unrealistic, selfish approach to any reasonable resolution solution. Unfortunately, through unethical tactics, children are used as pawns when one spouse wants to "get even" with the other spouse. My daughter has agreed on 50/50 custody, however, her stbx is not satisfied with that arrangement.. he wants 100% custody. She has lost the marital home and has moved into a much smaller, older, rented house. What seemed important at the beginning of her journey, now is water under the bridge.



Vindictive spouses can cause extreme permanent damage to innocent children from the marriage. I told my daughter at the start of the divorce proceedings, that this is America, and that there was no way she would lose her children. In the end, the material things are not as important as the broken spirit caused by an unyielding spouse. I do hope you have an excellent support system and legal representation. My best wishes for a positive outcome for you.

Ms oceansun makes a telling point.



You can recover your financial health over a period. But a dysfunctional relationship is forever (well until you burn it anyway)



Tread your own path.

Well I guess you need to consider every aspect, and you still haven't seen nothing yet, him saying he wants full custody is BS, so when the lawyers give him a rude awakening, you will see how fast that 40% turns to 70%, I hope he's as honorable as you give him credit for, either way, money, house, job, they all can be replaced at a cost, a piece of mind however....priceless, best of luck