Still Mostly Sexless

We've been in marriage counseling for a few months now and things have been going better. We have both learned more about each other and our relationship. We've been having sex...not every week, but since we didn't have any intimacy for 14 months, it is a start. It is always exceptional and sometimes incredible! We each still have problem issues like any couple continue, but the reaffirmed love and intimacy have made it all more bearable. One of my issues is that she doesn't initiate (actually, once recently, but that has been the only time in the past 10 years except for one night she came home drunk from a work party. When we do it, she certainly likes it (there has been quite a bit of screaming!), but getting her to do it can be tough! I still feel a bit uncomfortable and self-conscious when we do it because of the insults (like tiny-dicked loser). I also get put on the spot sometimes as she feels that i take too long to get fact, I have been timed! You see, she almost always climaxes before me and she feels that she is not doing enough or what have you. I let her know that I am honestly turned on by her...a lot! But we are both working hard to make our relationship stronger. I think we are getting there...slowly.
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9 Responses Apr 27, 2012

My mouth just dropped after reading her insults towards you, that's terrible and you shouldn't get past that nor forgive her if she keeps saying these things, that's disrespectful and wrong.<br />
And timing you is just rude and I just want to call her something now #$%^&*, never mind,<br />
I'm sorry, she's crossed the line, I can't see this being good at all, sex or no sex.

That's just flat out abuse. You don't insult someone you're supposedly in love with (unless that's a thing between you two). Whatever your size may be, that insult has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how she feels about herself and the relationship. Also, what woman complains about too long of a duration?? Clearly she's not using it to her advantage (women can have multiple ******* to a man's one) and she's making this moment of intimacy sound like a chore. <br />
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I would not stay by that woman. There are plenty of loving ones out there and you deserve to be cared for, not abused.

I can understand your dilemma. My wife also times me. She gives me approximately 10 minutes. Also, recently she does not clean up before we have sex because she doesn't want to bother cleaning up twice. As a result, I'm somewhat turned off by it anyway. It has led to depression and anxiety for me. There are times that I wish that she would have an affair or something so it would give me a valid excuse to divorce. If it were not for self-pleasure, I would go insane.

my wife has done alot of crap to me but wow! to call someone that was so disrespectful . angry or not, dam thats harsh not sure i could recover from that one so glad you did ,good luck I really hope things work out for you.

years of being together makes us understand that there are stages in the marriage relationship - there's the honeymoon, the childbearing, the middle years and the settling years. The one timeless attitude to success and happiness is to aggressively restrain being too needy and seek to do little deeds of service to the other. Nothing kills the good setting of romance than enumerating what each partner didn't do or forgot to bring - or any gripe for that matter...Home shd be the most accepting, and safest refuge each one can have, not the supreme court of no appeals.<br />
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Both husband and wife can gain much with simply leaving the cares of the world at the doorstep and just be the kindest and gentlest to each other, showing compassion and looking at the partner in the eye with an "Id rather be with you than anywhere else, and if you feel the same way, who cares if there's a fire or flood we have to face later - right now we have each other - sex will automatically follow with the right setting of uncondittional acceptance and undivided attention. Sex is really more soul than anatomy.

Excellent in some cases.<br />
My wife use to say I took to long and mentally now imfinish quicker and now she tells me I'm fast. Basically ******* with my head. <br />
She also calls me pinky because when my **** is not hard it is small but I make her tap out.<br />
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Sometimes a wife and or a husband offend the other without realizing. Example if she said you were small and you replied no it is because you are loose then world war 3 will start.<br />
It is better to love.<br />
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My wife is tight and even tough I don't have the biggest **** I know I ain't the smallest and she loves my ****.<br />
I don't live in a sexless life because I'm perverted and my wife is horny every day so I really can't relate on sexless marriage aswell

Someone who insults another person like that irrespective of whether it is in respect of sex or anything else is a ****. I don't know whether it is a two-way thing or not and that there is a high degree of conflict involved. Trying to fix a broken sex relationship in that context sounds like trying to push water uphill.

I must admit to being morbidly curious as to why you posted this, if indeed things are on the upswing.<br />
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And that 'being timed' thing has provoked an awful image in my mind.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Is there a new set of rules as to at just what part of the various cycles one may post?

umm, being called a tiny-dicked loser, even if it was true, isn't a line to be crosses. some serious disrespect there. maybe shes really insecure and feels bad about herself.