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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Excited Trepidation ...

By: greenpfenig
Written on April 27th, 2012
Well, here it is in a nutshell.  I have had some major discussions with my daughter and we are set to leave my H and son this summer.  I am trying hard to give my H the benefit of the doubt but, as you all said, he has not changed, and I don't believe he will.  My son has not changed either.

I did find out through asking around that my son does behave better when I am not around.  Hmmm ... go figure.  I have thought this to be true for years.  So after talking to my psychologist, who is getting better by the way, I have made my decision.  

I think that my son and husband will both have to mature if my daughter and I leave.  They will have to take responsibility for their own actions, for the house care, the animal care, and for their own bills.  I don't want them to fall on their faces but I think they might finally grow up.  I'm tired of being everyone's mom.  I need to take care of myself and my daughter needs a strong female role model.  Neither one of us is happy that this is 99% sure going to happen but we are putting our best feet forward and making our plans.

I won't have any regrets about what I will do or not do as I am the one who has done everything to try and make this work.  I feel that I have given him every chance to change the almost now inevitable outcome and he has not taken me up on the offering.  His loss.  I am trying to be strong and not falter although I know that I will falter and I will stumble.  I just want my daughter to know she doesn't have to settle for not feeling loved, wanted, and desired.  She deserves the best.

Wish me luck as I am now on the home stretch of a treacherous journey through a dark and twisted forest of despair.  (sorry, I love descriptive writing)
By: greenpfenig
Age: 46-50 , Female
513 people have read this story

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9 responses
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    bazzar
    bazzar

    Pruning life depleting persons out of your life is an excellent policy.



    Tread your own path.

    Apr 27, 2012
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    zsuzsilowinger
    zsuzsilowinger

    Best wishes for your future, it is exciting!



    I cannot imagine this choice you are making to leave your son, but it is understandable, as well as terrible - for both of you. What about leaving a note for him to read once you are gone, to better explain?



    I hope he can get the help he needs, but you have to look out for you first.

    Apr 27, 2012
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    Awakeforthedance
    Awakeforthedance

    I sense your excitement in the words, the energy comes out very powerfully. Sounds like you are on the right path for you. I am definitely wishing you the best!! And, the world would be one dull place without descriptive writing... I tend to go there too, don't apologize for you are anymore! :)

    Apr 27, 2012
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    Warriorpoett
    Warriorpoett

    A sudden departure without warning could be a good option for you once you've prepared everything. It might also be a good idea not to over prepare but to move as quickly as possible to achieve your exit. You've given it your best shot now it's time to protect yourself and your daughter and get out of reach and start living. You will find that safety will relieve you of an immense burden that has been on your shoulders for quite a long time and in a very short time you will start to revive and feel like a new and much different person. Stress takes a huge toll on a persons energy and can really sap your strength and will to live so keep moving dodging and ducking till you get totally free. Run far, Run fast, Be free. Viva La SLF Good Luck.

    Apr 27, 2012
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    PeachesGalore
    PeachesGalore

    based on the fact that there's violence and intimidation in the works here, I'm wondering out loud if this isn't a case where you leave without warning. Then discuss with him once you and your daughter are at a safe (unknown) location...

    Have you considered this option already?

    (hugs)

    Apr 27, 2012
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    BlueSpruce
    BlueSpruce

    When I divorced, I had to take a parenting class call "Children In The Middle." The main thrust was that shielding children from the nuts and bolts of divorce was necessary to minimize the emotional toil of divorce. Planning your escape with one to leave the other behind seems to violate this goal.



    Is there some extenuating circumstance that has resulted in your daughter becoming your closest confidant and partner in this escapade? Why would your son not also be involved? Do you love one more than the other? How do you think your son might answer the previous question?

    Apr 27, 2012
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      greenpfenig
      greenpfenig

      Blue, there are numerous reasons that I am not going to take my son with me on a permanent full-time basis. He is abusive to me, he has punched me, tried to strangle me, and is overall verbally abusive. Second, my daughter is scared of him when he becomes angry. Third, I can't get a job and watch him, he has Asperger's and is having some intense emotional difficulties. And, last but not least, evidence shows that he functions better when I am not around. Hope that answers your questions.

      Apr 27, 2012
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      BlueSpruce
      BlueSpruce

      It does. I knew there were solid reasons, I just didn't know what they might be. I hope all four of you do better once you've made a safe space for yourself and your daughter.

      Apr 27, 2012
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      ineedadrink
      ineedadrink

      You don't have to answer anyone's questions here. Just go ahead and do what you gotta do.

      Apr 27, 2012
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