7 Months And Counting

The last time my husband and I had sex was over 7 months ago.  He says that he has some sort of jock itch or other type of infection down there that won't go away. I'm sure that's true, but I find it difficult to believe that there has not been even 1 "window of opportunity" in all this time. We don't currently have medical insurance and money is super tight, so he hasn't been to a Dr. However, he is a Veteran, and he had done no research into going to the VA clinic until I found out that he could go for free.

He said that he thought that the only clinic around was over an hour away. I did the research and guess what? There's one right here in our town. Even then, he didn't call for an appointment. When I asked him why he hadn't called, he said that he could not find his DD214 (Military Separation paperwork) so he had ordered a copy and was waiting for it. So, I called and found out that he didn't need it and set up an appointment for him.

I just don't understand. It is like he wants to have a specific medical reason not to have sex. Something that he can point to and use as an excuse so that he doesn't have to actually perform.
deneisetorres deneisetorres
6 Responses Apr 29, 2012

I think you need to ask yourself this question:<br />
"Why would someone prefer to put up with an uncomfortable (at best), probably painful, and certainly distressing physical ailment rather than get treatment?"<br />
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IF he fears it is an STD, he may be scared to have that confirmed, as others suggest. But if not, WHAT possible benefit could this have for him? The only one I can think of is that it gives him an ongoing "excuse" not to have sex with you.<br />
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Now, if he prefers to suffer this painful, uncomfortable condition in PREFERENCE to having sex with you, it suggests to me that he is not very likely to ever WANT to have sex with you - when he is well or otherwise.<br />
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If it is neither of the above explanations, it suggests to me that he has some psychological issue witrh getting medical help. Do you have any other evidence of some kind of "doctor phobia"??<br />
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I encourage you to sit down with him and outline these three options - and any others that seem to be possibilities. Ask him to honestly say which it is. But don't be surprised if he "wimps" it by sayinng he doesn't know . . . . .

Doctor phobia is very likely. Fear of what the diagnosis will be is even more likely. But as I said, we don't have insurance and money is tight. Very tight. Paying rent and the other necessities leaves us stretched to the breaking point every month. So at least a part of it is fear that the treatment will be costly andor require him to miss work which would mean a smaller paycheck. Again, the current problem is not the whole picture. I will be writing another post soon to put it in better perspective.

Ok, people seem hung up on the "jock itch". I don't know what type of infection he has down there, but it is way more than simple jock itch. I did make him let me see it today, and it looks very painful. I realize that getting it cleared up isn't going to cure whatever the underlying problem is with sex in general, but it certainly can't hurt to eliminate at least one excuse. <br />
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I'm not ready to give up on my marriage yet. He is truly a good man and we have a good marriage in all other respects.

...A 7 month rash seem a bit long to me, over the counter cortisol 1% should do it, costs about $5, do him the favor and pick it up for him, or tell the pharmacist what he's got for jock itch. <br />
But after the itch is gone I'm sure he'll come up with another good reason not to have sex. How many good reasons do you need woman?

otc meds or often times urine can cure a Jock itch. It may be time to point out that"to have and to hold, in sickness an d in health" applies to the sick partner as much as it does the healthy one. And if their health causes us issues of such great magnitude as this, they have the responsibility to us to be fixing it pdq. To not is an abrogation and an abdication of their vows. So buddy needs to get a $3 tube of lamisol or to urinate on his thighs in the shower and get on to getting it on...<br />
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But that isn't going to really be the problem. It is another excuse, one that the feels is iron class due to privacy laws and lack of doctors visits. He probably had no business in a sexual relationship due to either a sexual aversion or asexuality

I have also wondered about STD, but for the life of me, I can't figure out how he could have gotten one. I am unemployed, he works from home, so he is literally never out of my sight. Even before I lost my job a year and a half ago, we only have 1 car and since I had it at work, he rarely left the house. He doesn't have friends that come over, male or female. Honestly, I actually know where he is and what he is doing at all times.

I hate to say this but maybe he knows that it isn't jock itch but he does know what it is and can't admit it to you? Or maybe that is what he fears finding out if he goes?