I Live In A Sexless MarriageI have spent the past few hours reading all your valuable advises posted. How reassuring to know that I am not in it alone. Allow me to bore you with my story to see if it resonates with any of your experiences.
Married for 37 years and am now in my late 50's. Yes, I married young while I was still in college. Life was carefree then. We started having arguments and fights over trivia things 4-5 years into the marriage. As both of us were and still are very independent and of strong characters, we began channeling and redirecting our energy in developing our respective careers and growing further apart mentally and physically as both our jobs required a lot traveling. Physical intimacy between us was never strong to start out with and it literally stopped about 25 years ago! Yes, I am in what you would call a sexless marriage. We don't even kiss, hug or hold hands. As much as I felt something was missing in our relationship and at times felt frustrated, I just let it slip by all these years and continued to submerge myself into work and the day to day mundane. To our friends and family, we are the perfect couple, well established, worldly and always entertaining. But only I know how empty I have been feeling inside. About 8 years ago, the stress of corporate life, menopause and perhaps “late-life” crises finally did me in. I left the corporate and embarked on a life changing and soul searching journey taking a less demanding contract job and engaging more time in leisure activities trying to “rediscover” myself. My husband having his own business and a workaholic on the contrary is busier than ever. He is out of town most of the time and vows to never retire. I try to live my life by the motto of taking full control and responsibility of my emotional happiness and well-being. But in the past 10 years, it is becoming a very daunting task. I am tired of escaping! I want a marriage whatever that means. The post-menopausal depression and all the mixed "late-life" crisis emotions make life even more difficult to bear and further intensify the situation! I don't feel loved and don't know what to expect from my marriage or if I actually have one. I tried to talk to my husband and on several occasions broke down crying which was so not me. As much as he felt uncomfortable about the idea of possible divorce, he reacted very calmly and said he wanted me to be happy and would do whatever to save our marriage. Well, several months have passed since our last serious talk and he is back on the road again and life is back to "normal" – nothing changed and I am still lost and depressed!
I wonder if I would be better off on my own than feeling stuck in a loveless marriage! Having the expectation and feeling deprived is what killing me!