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Time To Let It Go ?

Hi
I know you've all been there as well, but I really am now at the end. It must sound like a broken record but I have the perfect life except for the intimacy and affection a relationship would normally bring. I have a lovely wife, 2 gorgeous daughters, a nice house , hoilidays, successful business, great friends, and from the outside it probably looks rosy, The fact that my wife and I have not had sex for over 9 years is a secret that no body knows. Sure we all joke about not getting any at home , but my jokes are't all that funny.
I'm now at the point where I have to push all my emotions and feelings for my wife away to remove the urge that every male must have.
I love sex, and have always enjoyed it. So have my other partners before I was married.
My wife has been diagnosed with depression and she takes an anti depressant which I have been told is a libido reducer.
We have spoken about this so many times and even though she tells me she wants to try and make things better , nothing ever happens.
I cant ever remember my wife initiating sex. I should have read this much earlier but let it slide.
I feel now that I am just  in an agrement to raise our children. definately not a marriage.
I'm a young 49 , reasonably good looking (i think) certainly fit, very light drinker , non smoker, do everything with and for my kids.  
Geez I sound too bloody soft dont I.
What scares me is that if I didnt have kids, I wouldnt be within a hundred miles of my wife .
I'd love some suggestions.

oneday1 oneday1 46-50, M 6 Responses Apr 30, 2012

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How old are your kids? Time to make an exit plan, just in case nothing else works out.

Kids are 12 and 9 and I would do anything for them, as i immagine all parents would. If I did split it would definately cause them grief, but Im sure they coulkd deal with it.
I'd love to stay, dont get me wrong, but the wedge is being driven deeper.

Wow, your situation is eerily like mine. The affection from my wife has dwindled over the years...sex too. The sex is the most obvious barometer so thats the one that gets our attention the most. Earlier this month my wife said no more sex...she hates it now and is no longer willing to take care of my desire for sex...regardless of form. We're in counseling now...lots at stake...nice home...2 kids under 14. Something has changed in my wife's personality...that's why I feel the need for patience while we seek counseling. Im almost 100% certain shes not cheating. Guy, I don't think I could handle 9 years...i hear that and it worries the heck out of me.

A friend of mine's wife walked out on him 3 years ago yet she wouldn't explain why - three months this brick wall hiding information was up. This confusion hurt him badly, but at least he was certain she wasn't seeing someone else.

How wrong could he be, because it turned out she was.

Does your wife love you?<br />
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I don't see that written at all in your story, no love.<br />
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I would examine the premise that "all is great bar the sex".<br />
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It clearly is NOT.

Isn't there a female version of viagra to rev up her libido?

please anybody knows something please tell me I'll try anything

Viagra and Cialis DO NOT REV UP YOUR LIBIDO. THEY ARE NOT EVEN DESIGNED TO REV UP YOUR LIBIDO. I would have thought that everyone and their dog would understand that by now. Viagra is a vasodilator and was originally designed as a heart treatment drug but failed to be any better than existing drugs for that. It just gives you a hard-on whether that be your **** or ****. So, if you have no desire to have sex with someone you will end up with a hard-on which you have no use for. Sorry, end of rant.

There's an anti-depressant called Wellbutrin that can increase sex drive.

What sort of suggestions would you like? The ones you have already thought of and definitely don't like or the nonsense ones that sound attractive but don't actually work?<br />
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I'll only make a couple of inconsequential observations. Firstly, don't diss yourself for being a nice guy. I like nice guys and I am absolutely certain that there are not enough of them around to make the difference that matters. What is the intrinsic value to you or anyone else for that matter in being a mean, dominant, selfish **** of some sort.<br />
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The problem for you is that this situation depresses you; why would it not? The only bummer about that is that depressives are notoriously crap at helping themselves never mind one another.<br />
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This depression that your wife suffers from does it have an identity? Is there , or are there specific causes behind it or is it, as the parlance labels it, "non-specific"? What has her treatment consisted of to date and who has delivered it?<br />
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There is no shame in being depressed, it can strike any of us at any time in life over almost anything but the shame for your wife is that she has as yet not taken on ownership, responsibility for dealing with the depression. She is a passive 'victim' of it and that is not acceptable longer term. Somehow she needs to take that ownership and do something about it. She may need help to reach that point.

Move 99 miles away.