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Frustrated And Hopeless

I have been married for 14 years to a man that is 15 years older than me.  He portrays himself as a "ladies" man and makes every woman (and I mean every) and gay men feel like he wants them.  He flirts with actions, looks and words to the point of making me feel like a piece of garbage.  We separated 2 years ago for many reasons, this being just one of them.  We were separated for 1 1/2 years then reunited because we do love each other and neither of us want to live alone or with anyone else.  We have been back together for 1 1/2 years now and have absolutely no physical contact.  He tells me that he has no desire for any woman but continues with his flirtations in public and online.  He is 6'3'" tall and weighs over 300 lbs (obviously no Adonnis) and is 56 yo.  I am tired of asking myself "what is wrong with me"?  I am 42 yo, average height and weight.  I have been told by men and women alike that I am beautiful and have an amazing figure.  I have a hard time believing there is anything attractive about myself and in fact feel like I must be the MOST unattractive woman on the face of the earth.  I must also add that my husband has bragged to me and anyone that will listen about his past "conquests" and how he has always had to have more than one woman to satisfy him.  I have been everything from a size 12 to a size 1, blonde to brunette, make up to no make up, and a literal slave to the desire I have to be loved and wanted as a wife instead of a companion.  I have gotten to the point of completely giving up and just live in this relationship that is devoid of affection and intimacy but don't know how to keep positive.  I am depressed and have no self esteem left which doesn't help at all.  I naturally take all the blame for his lack of desire for me but I know that it's not all my fault.  There is no "talking" about it anymore.  It is the white elephant in the room all of the time for me.
menascos menascos 41-45, F 15 Responses Apr 30, 2012

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The cake has been baked and it seems it fell due to no fault of yours. Fly Fly Fly away. He is hiding something!!!

It took me some time to believe that my husband was actually attracted to other women (who were ob<x>jectively less attractive than me) because he wasn't sexually attracted to me. Some men (maybe women too) just lose interest in their spouse over time and they would lose interest regardless of who they married. I don't know if this is your husband, but he sounds like mine. I finally caught him in the act with another woman, which is the only reason I know for sure now. It was a shock, but also a relief to know the truth.

It maybe something he is ashamed to talk about. How are you looking when you go out or when you are at home counts to

Menascos remember<br />
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1 When a man/woman lives in past memories more than present<br />
2 When a relationship causes you more hurt than joy<br />
3 When you have to keep justify someone action to others and yourself<br />
4 When he/she expects the other person to change<br />
5 When he/she puts little effort in the relationship<br />
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..its time to leave.

so tired of women who need get married or be with a man to "complete" them. Learn to love yourself and you're realize that this guy has no respect for you or your feelings. The reason he came back to you was because he couldn't find someone to be with him and his flirting with everyone is his way of covering up his insincuitys. Learn to value yourself more and don't be so depended on "need or MUST" have other person to make you complete.

REALLY YOU WAS SUFFERING

DONT BE DISCOURAGED I KNOW ITS HARD I HAVE BEEN IN A VERY SIMILAR SITUATION AND STILL AM I AM A VERY AFFECTIONATE GUY AND MY GIRL IS AN OPPOSITE OF THAT I THINK THAT US AFFECTIONATE PEOPLE SEEM TO ALWAYS END UP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS COMPLETELY DEVOID OF AFFECTION MAYBE WE FEEL THAT WE HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE OUT THAT IT WILL MAKE A BALANCE BETWEEN US BUT WE USUALLY FIND OUT THAT THEY DRAIN US AND WE SPEND OUT SO MUCH THAT FOR A TIME WE END UP WITH NOTHING LEFT FOR US TO SURVIVE ON AND BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH OF A CONSCIENCE WE DONT WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE WE DONT WANT THE BLAME BUTI AM STARTING TO LEARN THAT LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE BEING UNHAPPY SO YOU WEIGH OUT THESE TWO OPTIONS DO I SUFFER THE REST OF MY LIFE OR TAKE A CHANCE THAT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR ME MAY STILL BE OUT THERE AND YOU ASK YOURSELF ARENT I WORTH IT TO BE HAPPY I FIND MYSELF ANSWERING YES AND I AM CURRENTLY TRYING TO RECONFIGURE THE WAY I LOOK AT WHAT LOVE SHOULD BE LIKE AND WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN

Your 42 years old chicky baby,we soon 43 and then befor you know it your life will be over and it will be waisted.You will Die a sad lonely person and for what?<br />
Don't worry the Old cat knows what to do.Bolt!!!! Just think of the hot thrilling sex you can have with a real man that desires you,and all the fun you can have being free to feel good about your self.you can enjoy going out because the one your with is into you and all the flerts are for your hart.You said that some men you know say your sexy?Pick one out and go try it out.See how much fun it can be.Fun=Happy

The whole feeling worthless, unattractive etc is the direct byproduct of a sexless marriage. Like others have said take time to read the many post in here. You will see your story over &amp; over again. You will see they are so similar that you will think you must have written them while you were asleep...lol<br />
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You will also see it is common for refusing spouses to act this way in public. Many will be very affectionate with their spouse in front of others. Then when they get home it is like somebody fliped a switch. Actually they did. It is called the "Bait &amp; Switch". By the way most men who brag about their "Conquest" are lying. Most who have actually done this keep pretty quiet about it. His are a lie also.Just as he flirts etc. What man wants to admit he has no sex drive? <br />
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Best of Luck<br />
NSH :-)

He seems from this one post to be completely and utterly focused on him and only him. Well that may be an age thing too with an old fashioned approach.<br />
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Well that just does not seem to be the norm unless you find the right match. You need to think about the separation route again and this time focus on you and your wants and desires. Make sure you are comfortable with yourself and your body and start to mingle and mix. In a coffee shop line, smile at a guy you may like. talk to people, have fun at simple things. It will change your approach.<br />
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You can do this of course without separating but i think that may hinder the overall results.<br />
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Just talking out loud.

I stopped reading your post when I got to the word makeup after reading the words blonde and brunette. <br />
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GET A DIVORCE AND RUN FAR AWAY FROM YOUR CRAZY-EVIL HUSBAND!!! <br />
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It breaks my heart whenever I read a poor woman on EP who struggles to doll herself up just to please her unloving husband. You women should not be humiliating yourselves that way. YOU DESERVE SEX NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK!! <br />
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Sorry but your husband simply does not love you. He is also psychotically cruel too.

I recommend you keep reading the stories on here and seriously consider seeking therapy to help you examine WHY you have willingly remained with such an unloving man.<br />
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You mentioned two reasons in your story - you don't want to live alone or with anyone else. If that is the case then the counselling will have to help you deal with the reality of your situation and learn to live with it: the reality being is that your husband continually engages in unloving behaviors that corrode the marital bond.<br />
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You will learn how to differentiate blame from responsibility, and learn that the two are not the same.<br />
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You need to learn to take responsibility for improving the overall quality of your live and you need to learn how to NOT take the blame.<br />
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Nothing will change for the better unless YOU intiate action.

It is not uncommon for those who do not want sex to portray a "sexy persona" or to claim, as your husband does, that he has previously had scores of sexual conquests. It is yet another way they try to fool themselves and others that the problem does not lie with them.<br />
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Fortunately you realise that the problem DOES lie with him - and not with you. read the many stories and forum posts here to learn about Sexless Marriage. Then you can make informed choices about your future.

There is alot of men in this world go find the one that makes you happy and one that will be happy to have you. You marrage is over. Good luck.

Tha 'bond' is killing you. Get out before your life is over and you realise what you denied yourself. No blame intended but, live your life - not his. This requires getting out.