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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Finally Separating - A Reality?

By: chillinthemost1
Written on May 1st, 2012
I've been married 9 years, been sexless for the last half of those 9 years. We've been through a lot of hardships over the past several years and have finally had the chance to seriously look at our marriage or lack thereof. We've been talking a lot about separating and have been wanting to do so civilly for the sake of our son. We've been in separate bedrooms for a while now and we've agreed there's no going back and trying to reconcile. Last night we had a serious conversation about separating. We know that financially we can't live in separate homes but we agreed that it's OK to start coming out to more friends, family, and others. We discussed taking off our rings and "putting ourselves out there". This is now suddenly feeling really weird - even thought I've been wanting this for quite a while now that it's here I'm feeling excited, confused, sad, anxious all at the same time. I know mixed feelings will probably be part of my future for a while now but it is mentally and emotionally freeing as well. I've always maintained that I wouldn't seek intimate relationships until we were separated - well I guess the light is turning from red to green! Having sex is kinda like riding a bike right? Anyway, thought I'd start practicing getting used to the idea of saying publicly that I'm separated or at least semi-publicly through EP.
By: chillinthemost1
Age: 41-45 , Male
674 people have read this story

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19 responses
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    jencpa
    jencpa

    I understand how your feeling. I've wanted to seperate from my husband for awhile, but never had the nerve to and I was not sure if that is what I wanted. I did tell my husband I wanted a divorce but for now we don't have the money to live apart. However I havent worn my wedding ring since and I've told my family that we were planning on divorcing. It can be very scary but yet very exciting to think about. I'm excited about picking our furniture for a new place. And I'm excited to date again. But also very nervous. Its been so long since I've dated and I've been truly intimate with a man, I hope I remember how.

    Good luck.

    Dec 20, 2012
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      chillinthemost1
      chillinthemost1

      I know the feeling as well. I don't wear my ring and have been dating a little. Still can't afford to live apart so it's a bit awkward but my ex is supportive and we make time for each other to go out while one of us watches our son

      Dec 20, 2012
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      jencpa
      jencpa

      Thats very good that you too are being civil especially for your son. We dont have children so at least we dont have that to work though. I can't imagine how much harder that makes it.

      Dec 20, 2012
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    Linabina
    Linabina

    This is awesome to read. So many people would continue that way for the rest of their lives. Kudos to you both for stepping up and putting each other's well being first!

    Dec 20, 2012
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      chillinthemost1
      chillinthemost1

      we both realize how important having physical and emotional connections are to a relationship, we know we don't have it together but don't feel either of us should be denied this

      Dec 20, 2012
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      Linabina
      Linabina

      Both of you I'm sure are smiling again, and breathing easier. Just in time for the holidays:)

      Dec 20, 2012
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    LG76
    LG76

    I think it's honorable that you both are able and willing to end things amicably for the sake of your child. I wish you all the best in your new single status :)

    Jul 10, 2012
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    0n1WOW
    0n1WOW

    It's better to talk things together so there would be a closure and you'll not end up hating each other. You could be the best of friends for your son. Good luck!

    Jun 2, 2012
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    demuremandy
    demuremandy

    I am a 22 year old girl and you really put me off marriage as I have great sex at the moment and no children.

    May 29, 2012
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      chillinthemost1
      chillinthemost1

      Getting married certainly didn't help our relationship. Can't say what's best for you but I guess the advice to give you is don't hurry into anything. Have fun, enjoy your partner(s) and be safe. If I ever decide to get married again I will have much more open communication about physical intimacy and will make a pact that as soon as either one of us starts to feel dissatisfied we will do whatever is necessary to fix it, immediately.

      May 29, 2012
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    zeina60
    zeina60

    I too would like to wish you luck and love

    You are handling everything with such dignity and awareness for protecting your son.I like the fact that you still want to do many things together as a family

    And why not?

    Such maturity will help all of you to move on

    God Bless

    May 3, 2012
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    oceansun
    oceansun

    I think that's great, keep it civil, no need to make it get messy.

    Best of luck to you both even if in different directions.

    May 2, 2012
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    milkynips
    milkynips

    I hope you both find happiness. It sounds like you've been effectively unmarried for far too long without the freedom to seek a mate.

    May 1, 2012
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    Kathryn1985
    Kathryn1985

    A little saddened to hear that this is the outcome but know well that you (and your) wife came to the decision after a careful process that weighed all the factors. Rather than an ending, perhaps a new start. Chat with ya soon.

    May 1, 2012
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    Frustrated1978
    Frustrated1978

    Nice to see you are going to try to sort things out peacefully. I wish you well.



    I would however seek legal advise on your options just in case things dont turn out as peacefull as planned.



    Stay Strong

    May 1, 2012
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    Awakeforthedance
    Awakeforthedance

    It's a crazy time, for sure -- sounds like you are making your way through it best you can. Green lights, new chapter about to start. Wishing you the best!

    May 1, 2012
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      chillinthemost1
      chillinthemost1

      Thanks, I think I'm ready for the journey and to see what the next chapter holds

      May 1, 2012
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    NowSeekingHookups
    NowSeekingHookups

    It is a tough step that takes adjustments on both parts. But my soon to be ex & I did the same. We are now good friends & roommates. It actually works well for us 95% of the time. One thing neither of you can have jealousy issues. That is the hardest pasrt for most couples who stay in the same home but disolve the marriage.



    Neither of us ever had that issue to begin with. We have both had dates over & it hasn't caused the least bit of problem. As a matter of fact I have one comming over tonight. And yes she will stay the night.



    Whether or not that works for you two just depends on the individual. But I will tell you most couples can't handle it. It's that old "yea I don't want him/her but I don't want anybody else to have them either" thing.



    Best of Luck

    NSH :-)

    May 1, 2012
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      chillinthemost1
      chillinthemost1

      Not sure if I'm ready for that quite yet - won't be bringing dates over to the house any time soon. Eventually I will move out but we envision doing a lot things together in the future for the sake of our son and that may include new partners as well.

      May 1, 2012
      1 like