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I Am So Lonely

I have been with my husband for 23 years and married to him for 18 years. We have two children 13 and 12. It took me 5 years and many miscarriages to finally have these two children. My husband drank heavily until he totally quit 5 years ago and I am very glad that he quit because if he didn't I was leaving him. Our sex life was ok never great but we would have sex at least once a week. Lately within the last three years our sex life is nonexistent. We probably had sex 3 or 4 times last year. This year only once so far. He has no interest at all. I don't think he's having an affair because he is always home. That's another problem we never do anything together unless the kids are with us. Dinner with the kids, he turns down invites if the kids are not invited. Friends stopped inviting us places because he always turns them down. When i talk to him about this he says he loves me but hes just tired and works 10 hours a day. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so depressed and lonely!
sooolonley sooolonley 46-50, F 6 Responses May 1, 2012

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i have been married for 30 years and have not had sex in 28 years. he does not even talk to me and i am so lonely and don,t know what to do. it's like i live in the the house alone with a body in the house, i'v wanted to leave so many times and he always promised to change but never did, which i had a feeling he would'nt, but you always like to think he would.. now i'm so disguisted, depressed, and fed up and lonely. one of my problems is i don't have the money to do anything. it's really a horrible way to live. i definitly need companionship or i am going to go out of my mind. it is so stupid for me to have stayed for as long as i have, and i feel like i missed the best years of my life. sure i would love to meet someone who is caring and sweet someone with emotions, but how do you do that in this world the way it is. it is very scary to meet someone unless someone introduces you and they know who the person is. i guess you have to meet someone in the same perdickament as myself first and can understand what were going through.

Feel for you honey, there are plenty of men out there (normal, sane and sensitive) who'd love to give you the attention you need. Don't give up, there are ways to get out even without money. Are you going to live this way for the rest of your life? You have the choice to change the direction of your life. It is your life, unfortunately it's also your choice & responsibility!

Forgot to add, if you feel an anonymous chat would help, drop me a pm. I'm in the UK so we're probably several thousand mile apart so no alterior motive on my part. I rarely give advice but may be able to offer some alternatives for you to consider. Take care

What the heck? I'm feeling like I'm in the twilight zone, I'll just say, I've heard this before.<br />
Hang in there, doubt it will get better though.

Yes, 10 hours of work on a daily basis can be pretty exhausting for a man of 50+years. Not everybody is made the same in that respect; some people are just like the energizer bunny. Some come home completely bushed.<br />
I haven't the slightest feel for your relationship from the short story, so I'll refrain from making any guesses why things aren't working in the fun department.<br />
But for lonelyness, there are things that you can do - you can go and make friends in the park or visit old friends while he's at work and the kids are in school. You can snuggle up to him in the evening on the couch and try to get him to talk about how his day went, tell him about yours. <br />
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Things got pretty lonely for me after my first marriage failed, 12 years on my own in the middle of nowhere ... going out at least twice a week seeing people and talking was what kept me sane. Of course, one can also always invite people (unless that makes things sour with your husband because he'd like a bit of peace and quiet). <br />
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I assume when you say you're depressed that you mean sad and dispirited, rather than clinically depressed where life seems so hard and you have so little energy that just brushing your teeth is a major physical effort?!? Well, at least I hope so.<br />
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Best, -P.

Welcome to ILIASM. Keep reading here. We understand what it's like to be lonely in a marriage.

Does he own a computer? He could be in chat rooms. I have recently become aware of the underbelly of my community. One gets a whole new perspective when you see your neighbour - every part of your neighbour. I was at first revolted but instead it just leaves me very sad. Check out benaughty.com and stickam.com.<br />
Also it is important to put your thoughts on paper and if you want to get out of this wasteland that you find yourself in you should consider communicating your feelings to him directly in an assertive, not aggressive manner.

Is your depressin diagnosed, or what you reckon might be the case ?<br />
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Might be best to get yourself off to a medico.<br />
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You will find it extraordinarily difficult to deal with this situation if you are doing so from a compromised mental state. It is hard enough when you are attempting to do so from an optimum mental state.<br />
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Reckon you need to start here with YOU. Get yourself as right as you can, THEN start in on the myriad of issues a dysfunctional marriage entails.<br />
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Tread your own path.