I Live In Hope

I initiated sex for the first time in years last year as I got sick of waiting and wondering what in God's name was wrong with me that my husband didn't want to have sex with me. It's embarrassing to say the least that as a woman I have to take the lead in all this as it should be the other way around. Both of us were virgins when we married so neither of us had any experience in these things so it was an awkward fumbling of sorts to say the least. He's a hopeless lover and last year, I took the initiative and taught him how to give me oral sex, and he made me *** eventually. He uses his tongue but not his fingers for some crazy reason. He doesn't last long enough inside of me to ****** through penetration and once he's done, he's done no seconds or anything!! I would love someone to take me, make love to me properly, expertly and show me what I'm missing out on.....no wonder I am on the quest for seeking a female lover. Someone who would genuinely understand my needs and wants as a woman!
riveria riveria
46-50, F
11 Responses May 6, 2012

You only live once, and to finally experience someone that enjoys giving you pleasure in so many ways, it would blow your mind how good it would feel and all those feelings that's been locked up inside you all these years would be free...there would be a constant smile on your lips for a very long time....

wow. It feels as if i wrote this. EXACT same. exact.

I've since discovered that the best sex is with a woman! There is no going back for me now that I discovered what I have always longed for and expected. I will meet her again in 10 days time ;)

So instead of having an open and honest discussion with your husband ... you tell us? How exactly is that supposed to make your marriage better, stronger?

Dear Riveria,
I completely relate to this story. When I married my husband, I figured we would learn and grow form our sexual experiences together. It never happened and the sex dwindled to a couple of times a year, then to nothing. After 9 years, I finally gave up trying. That's when I started taking a look at my life and past experiences and came to the conclusion that I was gay. I wasted too many years trying to fix our sexless marriage, not realizing that I was also trying to fix myself. I wanted to live a life that my family and friends would approve of. But you can only live for others for so long. Your needs and desires are important. I wish you the best of luck in your search for a woman and I hope it turns out to be everything you've hoped for.

I can see that you've given this situation a lot of thought, including how you might feel after you've experienced being with a woman. I hope that your theory of being able to keep the two relationships separate and guilt free work out. I do think it's possible if you can successfully compartmentalize your feelings. But if you truly love and care for your husband, you may find this very difficult to do. Or you may realize what you've been missing out on your entire life and the happy married life you once believed you had may seem more like a unsatisfying, stifling prison. Of course, you won't know until you try. Just tread carefully and be prepared for the consequences of your actions, good or bad. :)

I will know more in 4 weeks time after I have spent a whole week with my very special EP friend...I'm flying 4000 miles to be with her!!!! I've waitied almost 29 years for this so I am mentally ready for this. This experience will for sure change me forever!

I'm very excited for you. I have no doubt that the experience will change you forever. :)

never give up hope, life was made for passion~

I just wanna say "inexperience" is a lame excuse for not getting experienced... When you marry you have to make love over and over to your spouse to GET EXPERIENCED, it all comes with practice... And I think he is just lazy, or he just does NOT LIKE women to get experienced with YOU!!!!!

as the saying goes "Practise makes perfect!"

I could have written this...I find myself also in a simular situation x

"Would it be the end of everything as there is no going back once these words are spoken ?" - you ask.<br />
<br />
Could be.<br />
<br />
But if it is the truth then you have 2 options.<br />
<br />
One is to speak the truth and live your authentic life.<br />
The other is to continue living a lie.<br />
<br />
One offers you fulfillment and honesty.<br />
One offers you unhappiness and dishonesty.<br />
<br />
Choice is a *****, but you don't get a pass. No-one gets a pass.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

i would love to help you out.... i can always make a girl ****** with my tongue

there you gooooo. the world is better place because of you tiger.

Your husband may be less jealous if you were to have a female lover because this would not reflect on his masculinity. You never know he might actually find that the idea was even a little bit exciting which may improve his own libido.<br />
<br />
You are not getting enough sex from your husband, neither quality nor quantity. You are being deprived, as are all of us here, of the most fulfilling and exciting of life's gifts. Can anyone blame you if you try to grab a piece of the action elsewhere?

This was never really an issue for me until I reached 40 last year and my libido improved. Up until then this arrangement suited me as I have always secretly wanted a woman as a lover, not him, so there was no pressure, if you know what I mean. Having a female lover would be a dream come true for me and the lesser of two evils in terms of having an "affair".

My humble opinion: You need to take that initiative several times a week. Yeah, you might not like to take the initiative, but, if he won't, but is willing if you do, then you should. <br />
<br />
Tips:<br />
<br />
#1 - If you hardly ever have sex, OF COURSE he is not going to last. The more often a man climaxes, the longer it takes to do so. Need him to last? Clean his pipes a few hours before sex. <br />
#2 - Wrap him up with a thicker condom, that will also make him last<br />
#3 - Uh, if you are looking for a woman, it is not because your husband is not a great lover, it's because you are gay/bi and won't admit it. Anytime I see a lesbian complaining about her husband as a lover, I think, uh, of course he can't satisfy you...you are gay, what do you want?<br />
#4 Do consider the ramifications of having an affair. Nowhere in this story do you mention your relationship, I find that very odd.

Thank you for all your points!
Yes, I am bisexual and my husband doesn't know that as I have kept it very well hidden all my life.
We are married 14 years. We have a wonderful relationship and life together and love each other dearly. So it is a meeting of heart, souls and minds but not unfortunately bodies. I find myself more drawn to women, sexually so that would explain why I never really bothered initiating anything much before and just hoped that he would take the lead. As this never happened it was left up to me then. We are married 14 years and have had sex about 60 times in that time......and most of that was, believe it or not, last year. As you probably noticed our relationship is not based on sex but on other more important things! At times I feel as if I’m living with my best friend and not my husband.

LOL FM you are so thorough.
You must be a very attentive lover i'll pm my number ; ]