Weekend Of Turmoil But Think We Will Get Through And Survive

I've posted here a couple of times before in the last few weeks. My marriage of 25 years has gradually become more and more devoid of intimmacy and sex owing in part to husband's absence away at work and his ED issues owing to CAD. Because I've been alone so much (me and my teenage sons)  I have allowed myself for the first time to fall for someone else who has been working round my house - on and off for the last four months. Me trying to resist him as I don't want to smash marriage up.

The sex was amazing - I suppose for the first time in years I have known what it felt like to desire and to be desired fully. But really I now see it has for me (not the other guy) really been only about sex. I don't think I could end up with the other guy as outside the bedroom we don't have all that much in common. I talked frankly to a great colleague who has really listened - and she says what she hears is that I want what I have with this guy - itimacy - inside not outside my marriage.

The pressure of the affair getting too much - other guy desperate to marry me and endless texting etc and meeting. Can't cope with this double life. . In the end I confessed everything to my husband yesterday morning. We have had a rocky 24 hours but also the most intimate 24 hours for months - slept curled up in each other's arms last night. I think it has been a huge shock for him after 27 years together but also think that we will survive and also that although he is angry (mostly with other guy but also with me) that he says that he has taken me for granted massively. Lots of kissing and cuddling and am hoping for more this afternoon! Pleasae keep yr fingers crossed for me that we can make something positive out of this turbulent patch and move forward. He says that he could not bear to split up and I am the centre of his world, he just hasn't managed to show how much.
ChrissieG ChrissieG
51-55, F
5 Responses May 6, 2012

Your husband accepts 50% of the blame for his indolence.<br />
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He'd do well to brush up on his math.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I wish you all the best hope it all works out.

Thanks guys! We had a great afternoon and three hours together in bed made us realise what we had been missing and how we need to give it priority time. Though it may seem ironic, the affair wakened my own sense of the physical and I managed to transfer this to our relationship this afternoon. Husband has said that he was 50% to blame for my affair for neglecting me - not sure about that. But hopefully we can build on this. The bad bit is that the shock yesterday gave him a patch of stress-related angina which he has not had for ages and I feel guilty about having caused him so much distress. But I suppose there are other sources of stress which might have triggered the same response. I am making sure not to link my own guilt to this health issue as it does not help.

You are at the beginnning - not the end. His change needs to be consistent, forthright and sincere for healing to really happen. He's also got to heal from the betrayal. <br />
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But it is a step toward something you've longed for. The affair did what it was supposed to do for both of you which was provide perspective. Now it may be time to invest in your marriage together in a new way. <br />
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Blessings to you. I wish you great afternoon sex!

You are in my thoughts and prayers, my dear! I really hope this works out and with the perfect ending imaginable! x