My "me, Myself, And Irene" Moment

It has been one strenuous, stressful, and irritating year.

On top of everything else that is going on, I have been taking care of my parents who were in ill health and are on this side of recovery now. I put in regular 16 or 17 hour days with work, taking care of them, and doing stuff with the kids. The weekends are full of doing maintenance on my home, my parents home, visiting my parents in the hospital, and attending kids sporting events, doing laundry and cooking. Meanwhile, I have been sexless for two years. (Though, I will skip it with my wife now anyway).
I have been growing more and more irritable, knowing that there is no end to this in the foreseeable future.

Then, this morning I visited my parents. My dad must be feeling better because he returned to his old complaining self. He immediately began blaming me about some mail that was not sent out. I informed him that the mail in question was sent out before he got sick. He repeated that it was my fault.
Something clicked in my head and "Hank" came out. I told him all of the things that I had going on and I was not responsible for said letter. For 3 months I have ran non-stop taking care of everyone! Do I get offers of help from my family? No! I just get asked by my extended family to help them with stuff.
I have spent the rest of the day just furious. But, I have been making myself very clear without being verbally insulting to people.
My wife complained about being hot while at my son's game today. She started questioning about how long it would take for her to make dinner. Normally I would offer to make it or pick something up. I acted like she said nothing.
I made a remark about all of the time she spent getting manicures, when I don't even have time to sleep.
I made it clear that I was done running non-stop for everyone. I said I was even done with the house and yard maintenance for awhile. It will all still be there, it can wait.

So, I come home after all the sporting events. 7 hours of sitting in the sun. My wife is making dinner and doing the laundry.

I am still stewing from the day. My son cracked up when I was telling him what an *** his grandpa is. He seemed to enjoy my little rant. LOL.

I don't know if any of this has made any sense, but I have really had enough...

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13 Responses May 6, 2012

Good for you to finally put your foot down.<br />
You do not need to be anyone's doormat or errand boy.<br />
It's sounds like you've been stretching yourself thin, running around trying to please everyone else and they don't care or appreciate it.<br />
It's was inevitable that you would snap. <br />
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You need some time to yourself and for yourself.<br />
Do something relaxing, go out to a great meal (sans wife), go do something you enjoy, sleep in or stay up late, go fishing, have a drink, watch some ****, go to the gym, SOMETHING to help relieve the stress and help yourself relax. Go away for a weekend, turn the phone off.<br />
And stop doing everything for everyone else. If they care, they should at least appreciate, if not offer to help in some way.

Wow, congratulations on the way you managed this.<br />
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On a smaller scale, I've just gone through one of these moments, the important thing being to express yourself clearly. The anger is OK as long as it works for your interests and propels you to assert what needs to be done.<br />
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And taking responsibility for yourself & your own reactions is the only way, so again, well done!

Probably about time too. It is never good to cater to evryone like that. I have been there and I cannot say that it did any good other than made me resentful. When my mother has surger, I work 8 to 11 hour days, then got to her home until bedtime. If the family wants things done in my home, they all have hands. Or may switch places with me. It is called working togetther, and no complaining if something isnt done. Just do it.

I don't know about anybody else but I have slowly but resolutely come to the conclusion that people who whine about this and that are just downright unattractive from any perspective and I am mindful that could well include myself. I don't mind people raising and wanting to discuss difficulties but not if they are not prepared to be positive-minded about it, to contemplate possible solutions or reducing the impact of negative consequences or ways of working around the problems. I just switch off and make it clear that I don't want to talk about it in those terms.<br />
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You sound as if you have found your own Waterloo and I congratulate you in standing your ground. Others may want to turn it into conflict when there is no need to and there is no benefit for them in doing so, but that is their problem.

Made good sense to me. Keep it up. Your wife tried to have a manipulative whinge about cooking dinner in the hope that you would give in and do it, or just pick something up as you said.<br />
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You stood up for yourself, and the result - You come home and there is your wife cooking, Dinner and doing the Laundry. I completely sympathise with you especially about your wifes, compalining. <br />
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Good on you for putting her in her place and pointing out her failures in time management. Mine used to go down that road as well sit at home complain, about what i dont help her with cooking, washing, etc. I had a similiar response. Hang on a minute i work 10 hours a days pay all the bills no questions asked and you have 6 hours without the kids everyday and you need help. Seriously i said to her. Cut down your social time with your friends and you wont need help.<br />
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Once again good for you. Keep it up. Family might think twice before taking advantage of you.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

I've got it rough, you've got it worse... It made a lot of sense... I know that progression of thought, and the best part was..."My son cracked up when I was telling him what an *** his grandpa is. He seemed to enjoy my little rant. LOL." All in all, that is what matters at the end of the day. Stay strong, you already do more than I could imagine thinking to do.

If you now have some momentum happening, ride it for all it's worth. Because starting to make different choices than you have hitherto done is the ONLY thing that is going to get you out of the shithole.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Love it.....I think its great when the people close to you realize you are not going to take their **** anymore...its like redefining your role. The crap that you used to take isn't going to fly anymore!!

****** A, put your foot down buddy, I know how it is and it just keep piling on, and before you know it your body breaks down or you snap.<br />
good for you ; ]

This is so relevant to me, thanks for posting. My husband is being a real jerk at the moment. I have decided that tomorrow night I would eat out with my daughter and let him manage for himself. <br />
I feel like the maid so I need to stop acting like one.

There's nothing like a good rant! It's one of my favorites on this site because it's completely honest and uncensored!<br />
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When I started down the path to deal with my SM, all the relationships in my life had to be adjusted because many of them were co-dependent. It's not likely the only relationship affected by the systemic pattern of behavior would be your marriage. So by dealing with one of these relationships, they all have to adjust. <br />
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As painful as this feels, it means you are getting closer to taking your life back. I see tremendous hope in your feeling of frustration and anger. It is all good my friend.

I would be kickin some *** if I were you too. I would help you if I lived closer.

okay good. It's irritating to me just listening to all the ungrateful people in your life. Ugh!

Sounds healthy to me! No one respects a dormat!