So Now I Am Living With Mr. Angry

I've posted before about how I live in a SM marriage and that I have decided to stay. The big decision I made was to move house to live in a more vibrant area. If I was going to stay, I needed to enrich my life and be able to take part in activities I enjoy instead of living in a field.
This has stirred up a storm. My husband agreed but has moaned and complained ever since. This weekend he has been really sniping at me, going on about how it was my decision etc. I have asserted myself AT LAST and now I think that he realizes it is for real he is getting more and more angry.
I understand that when co-dependent people like me change, the partner doesn't like it. Wow, he is angry.
I think he is very selfish. I am from overseas. I left my country. And he can't move thirty minutes down the road! If the tables were turned, and he was living in my country, I would bend over backwards to accommodate him and make sure he was settled.
He says that I "*****" at him all the time. Maybe I do. It seems to me we hardly talk and when we do it is business-related as I run his business for him. It's not my fault he can't remember anything and I have to ask him over and over for receipts, documents, etc.
No intimacy of any kind for months. Now he is blaming low-testosterone and my "bitching".
We are supposed to be going on vacation in the autumn but I would rather take my daughter. She's fun. easy-going and she converses better. She's 6.
choccochipcookie choccochipcookie
7 Responses May 6, 2012

Thank you for the comments. I have decided to take a vacation on my own in the fall, it is sort of work-related in that part of the time I will be doing some research which I really enjoy. There is just no point in going anywhere with my husband, he doesn't want to do anything active and I end up feeling let-down and resentful that I have spent the vacation essentially alone. So yes, I am working on adjusting my expectations. Things have calmed down somewhat although I find the weekends difficult.

i have droped all complaints i have towards my refuser, i did it to have a calm place to live, we are getting a long bette,r now that i no longer complain about his lack of manly balls! but, he still holds true to his refuser behavior, i perfer being alone, then be with him, he has pushed me in that direction.

i told my refuser just the other day, when he tried to throw his crappy bad guy additude my way....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
**** WITH ME <br />
<br />

i too moved to be with my refuser, only ( 250 miles ) he has made no effort in any way to show me around, <br />
<br />
i have to drive for an hour to see anything with culture or life to it.... nothng here but houses and ***** malls and gas stations, u have to go out of the coummity to have a life....<br />
<br />
when i do take the day to vist out side of the burbs .. he gets all pissy ... but he wont come long with me... i asked him.......what the hell do u want me too do ? sit in my chair and watch u watch tv? all day .............

Sounds like we live in the same town!

god help us

My suggestion, if you are going to stay, is to reach deep down within yourself and find an inner calmness and serenity and determination. Try, and keep trying, not to *****. Use that to constantly undermine his pettiness and selfishness. That is what he truly deserves and it would only go to prove to you and any third party just how petty and ba<x>seless his complaints are. It truly is time he stopped behaving like a petulant child and be ashamed of himself for his lack of personal competence and maturity. However, there is a better chance of hell freezing over than him changing. It is strictly his loss. Try to not let it get you down. It sounds to me that you are twice the 'man' that he will ever be.

I've been asserting myself lately too, my husband doesn't like it one bit. He liked me more when I was quiet and didn't say crap. Now that I'm on the downward spiral and trying to survive, being assertive and speaking my mind may be what saves me.<br />
I have to save myself until I can get out of this messed up situation. So thankful to have found this board, I have been able to see the writing on the wall.

But you are still choosing to stay.<br />
<br />
Not criticising your choice, just wondering why you thought his attitude might possibly improve whilst a bit of extra stress is about ? Usually the reverse is true. In a dysfunctional situation, if you chuck a bit of additional stress in on top, it sure as hell doesn't improve anything.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Lol take your girl leave the lump at home.<br />
wish you all the best hun