He Keeps Telling Our Sons I Am A ****

Probably not the correct title because I am actually a really classy lady, but I am just sick of it. My 17 year old has figured out what is going on. The 14 year old says he does not care but the 13 year old gets very upset. We NEVER have sex, never kiss, never talk about anything other than the news. I continue to work tons of hours, make great money, clean the house and fix dinner. I also do the grocery shopping and pick of his rx's. Last time when we were alone in the living room I told him I could no longer live like this and I wanted an open marriage (so as not to upset the kids). He calls all 3 sons into the living room and tells them "your mother wants to sleep around". This was the second time that this has happened. Actually 3rd if you count what he did 5 years ago. Ok fast forward to last night. I lay in bed by myself and he snuggles up to me. I say "what the h$ll" and "you are sending very confusing messages" I really want him to just leave me alone because I know he is just trying to get something from me though I do not know what. I tell him we have not had sex for years and why is he doing this now. He says "all you think about is sex" Not really, I am tired of being the live in non paid maid. I think some of you may remember me as I wrote at the beginning of the year that I had gone on a nursing travel assignment working 80/hours a week making $$ and the fool never paid the mortgage so it went in to foreclosure. His name is not on my house, no way! I guess he just figured he did not have to pay it. No sweat off his back, doesn't affect his credit and he knows it! The real pain and what has kept me around is his calling me names in front of my sons. He tells them all of our business except that he doesn't like sex or women or intimacy. I even wonder if he is possibly a closet gay. I also think his mother had an awful affect on him. I caught her telling my oldest son one time not to EVER touch himself because it was dirty and wrong and Jesus would not like it. I corrected her real quick and told her to MYOB. How can I get past this with my sons. Can someone give me advice otherwise I am out of here. I even have a plastic surgery consult because I have lost all my confidence in the bedroom though someone (male) told me last week that I am pretty and what is wrong with my husband! I am also the one who lost her mother in March. He has reminded me how he did not like her (actually she did not think he was rigright for me) and she was the sweetest woman ever on the planet. I think I am going to the doc tommorrow as I cannot take much more stress and will end up in the psyche hospital!
HAR1978 HAR1978
46-50, F
9 Responses May 6, 2012

I agree with forget surgery go straight to psych and legal counseling. I have a son and I agonize over splitting with my wife due to damage done to him. Yet like you I recognize that the verbal and emotional abuse he sees me endure can't be good for him either. I would suggest Ashley Madison but seeing his reaction to your last affair I won't<br />
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Good luck, my prayers go with you.

Please explain how it would be worse for your sons to see you not put up with this ****, and how soon those tears on your youngest son's face will be dried, if you pack up the lot of you and get the hell out of there.<br />
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You are teaching them that the rewards of oppression are getting your own way... that it's perfectly okay to hurt one person to get at another. That, that is the way of the world, and there is nothing you can do about it.<br />
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Show them that you can damn well DO something about it!

Thank you all for your concerns. You are all correct as I put up with way too much bull$hit. Five years ago I had a relationship with someone and he found out about it. He drove my sons by the guys house every day. The now 17 year old who was 12 at the time cried and it broke my heart. I see him trying this all over again, except the boys are older now and I don't think they buy into it except my sweet 12 year old son. Husband knows 12 year old will get upset and that will stop me in my tracks (and he is right!). He and I have never been intimate really. He tried to kiss me this am before he left for work and I turned my head. He said "what is wrong, don't I do it right". Part of me really believes this. He was a 30 year old virgin when I met him. I should have run. I just didnt because he was so cute and nice and everyone loved him. Not so much anymore!

Yes..if someone makes it to 30 without having had sex...there is a reason!

Unfortunately, in our affluent and parasitic modern times, the solution to your dilemma is that you must hire a professional arguerer to resolve this nonsense for you. Call up a divorce lawyer.

Why on earth would him telling your sons you are a **** keep you in the marriage. That simply does not compute. <br />
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It's your house, kick his *** out of it.

I would not want to sleep with him after these mind games, what a jerk.

Ditto!

This is just terrible. Neither you nor your children should be subjected to such treatment. I worry most about your children. So what if your husband agreed to have an open marriage? Would that change your situation at home? Would your children have a good example of a loving mother and father, together? No. This would only give your husband further cause to degrade and insult you. He may even turn your children against you, and who knows how your children would react then. Would they respect and love you for opting for an "open relationship" as opposed to kicking out the abusive bastard and moving on with your life in a positive manner? <br />
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I know you must feel conflicted and confused about so many things right now. You probably don't want to break up your home etc. But I must ask you. At what cost? You certainly aren't happy. Are your children any happier?<br />
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If your children love you, they will support your decision to leave their father. You can't expect them to understand everything but one day they will grow up and you can explain it all to them then. What matters most right now is the well-being of you and your children. You don't want them to learn that women do not deserve respect as your husband is treating you with none such dignity. You MUST be an example of a good strong woman to your children. You must teach them how a woman must be treated. If you don't, your husband surely will.<br />
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I wish you all the best.<br />
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Scorp.

Holy crap. Wow. <br />
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Ok, do not pass go, leave home right now and get a lawyer. Take your kids with you and file for full custody. A man who will say something like that to your children is a dangerous person. See if you can tape him saying that kinda stuff. A man like that will beat your children, and emotionally abuse them in many ways. <br />
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That is a line that should never be crossed. I think if I were you I'd have a hard time not being violent. That you did not have such a reaction tells me you are in an abusive marriage. Get out, get out. Men like this will murder to keep their power. You are married to an evil person, run as fast as you can, get out of that house tonight!

Your problem is a self esteem issue. No amount of surgery, shopping, or binging behavour, will ever fix this.<br />
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The fact that you did not kick this moron to the kerb when he allowed your mortgage into forclosure is a miracle in itself.<br />
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Before you entertain thoughts of an open marriage or leaving consult a good divorce lawyer and find out your rights. Do you live in an area where they have at fault laws? Because if you do an open marriage might be used against you. Seek legal advice.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Why is his name calling and emotionally abusive behaviour making you stay? Is it better for your sons to see their mother being disrespected and abused so fundamentally and for them to see you accepting it?<br />
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Nothing against plastic surgery, but I don't think this is what you need right now. I'm all for you getting a psych consult though, as you are under such tremendous stress right now. <br />
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But more importantly you need to see a lawyer and find out how to get his *** out of your house.