Marriage Without IntimacyI am in a situation so similar to many of you that it seems as though I could have written your stories myself. I came to this site in search of help, insight, and most importantly, hope. Thank you all for sharing your stories.
Many of the posts center on the lack of sex in the marriage. While that is the case with me as well, what bothers me the most is the lack of intimacy. That hurts the most.
I've been married for 33 years. I haven't had sex for at least three years, and before that maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I made several half-hearted attmpts to get my wife to talk about it, but they never worked. But last night, I had to say what was on my mind. I told her that I was not satisfied with our lack of sex. I told her that I wanted to find a way to make it better. I suggested counseling. She refused. She told me that she was not sexxually attracted to me. When i asked if she thought she could be attracted to someone else, she said possibly. She did not seem to understand why I would want to 'screw up our marriage' over this. She said she was happy. in the end she got very angry and said she was going to find an apartment and move out. She is not willing to change at all.
My take aways from the conversation were:
- She does not want to change
- She expects me to stay with her regardless of how I feel
- I question what passes for love.....
- I question if my desire for intimacy is unrealistic
- I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me enough to at least try to deal with something that hurts me so much.