It Can Only Get Better?

My background is included in my first story.

I am not sure where my heads is at. Self pity? Apathetic? Weird?

Things were better this last week. Things felt more intimate after my talk with her last weekend. There were more light touch's, kissed and just general improvement. So i worked up the nerve and initiated on Friday. Got the whole "I am tired" ending in a promise of tomorrow night. Of course in my mind, i was saying "I don't believe you", but I let it go and went to sleep.

The next day rolls in, she heads to work and I think I'll be a good day and finish up all the laundry and clean the house. I got a lot done, for my sake. I felt good, house was in pretty good shape even with two little boys making a mess.

She brings her friend home from work we all watch a movie. Around 11:30 she leaves and we go to bed.

She is totally distant, knowing i am going to initiate again, promise from last night and all. She's stiff as a board as I being our make out sessions. I am not sure what I was feeling at this point, more lost in the though of "hey this is progress"? She then tells me I can not stick my fingers in her and we can talk about it another time. This caught me off guard, but I proceeded anyway. She told me we can't take long since she is tired. So I put on a condom and Attempted penetration. I say Attempted because physically her body was not allowing me in. Combined with her wincing, I knew she was in pain.

So I told her we could do it another night and we rolled off to sleep. I knew at that moment that was the death of my sex life with her. The past week erased, where I felt closer to her or at least on the road to restoring a connection. Now, I know I am more withdrawn then ever. I can't help but think I should of stayed away from initiating, I should have been more patient. Know the damage is done.

In regards to my wife, obligation/duty sex no longer works. We have past that point of her tolerance for me.

I keep wrapping my head around my next steps, but at least I am in a personally better place then I was last week. I can see the overwhelming sense of apathy towards my wife growing with each passing second. Oh well, time to control my thoughts and stay positive.

Randomguy79 Randomguy79
31-35, M
2 Responses May 7, 2012

Call a lawyer in your jurisdiction and see - theoretically - how a divorce would shake out for you.<br />
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Consider fully what you are advised. From that information - theoretically - put together an exit strategy, addressing in particular those matters which nyou regard as - theoretical - roadblocks.<br />
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At the conclusion of this process, you will have a theoretical alternative to your present misery. You will no longer be trapped by having no other option. You WILL have an option, albeit a theoretical one. Possibly too hard for you to execute at this time, but a viable alternative in a "worst case" scenario.<br />
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Now you have an alternative, you will no longer be basing your choices on fear, so you will likely make pretty good choices. That fact alone will shift the dynamic. At this stage you don't know "where" it might shift the dynamic to (though I bet your gut is giving you a pretty accurate prognosis).<br />
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You need to prepare now, for this theoretical scenario, as it is highly likely to end up being the factual situation.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Sounds like you would be more successful initiating with a stranger, your wife is resisting you with everything she has. I would take that as it is time to move on for good, there is nothing to work with in this relationship.

I agree with you both. That is where my mind is currently at. I am appalled with how far we have fallen. It is a scary thought.