Could This Be The Start Of A Change?

A few weeks ago after another long, boring weekend alone with hubby I couldn't take anymore I sat him down we had a long heart to heart. I told him straight up that if our kid free time of no touching, no talking, no sex, no romance or intimacy, in other words chilling with my roommate is a foreshadow of what it's going to be like once our daughter leaves for college in three years then I don't want any parts of it. I told him that we are still young (he’s 40 and I’m 42) and we have only one child and she's a social butterfly so she stay on the move with her friends so this is our chance to spread our wings and have some real fun. But I think what really got him is when I told him that I had one foot out of the door because I don't want to sit around and waiting for old age catch up with me. I told him need more spontaneity, more adventure, more romance and yes whole lot more sex!!!! I think he really listened to me and he heard me. We’ve been doing more fun stuff together we did so much together this past weekend that I’m still exhausted.

This past Friday we played hooky from work we jumped on this motorcycle went to breakfast then went to the movies and after the movie we just rode around the city. The next morning we rode in a charity motorcycle ride and then went to a school carnival at the private school my daughter graduated from last year. That night along with my daughter we babysat my nephews the next day was church, then we went to dinner and after we went home our daughter fell asleep so while she was sleep we took full advantage of it. I texted from the bedroom telling him that I wanted him right then and he was like “ok be right there!” and he was and it was amazing. Then afterwards if walked by him and he grabbed me and hugged me, kissed me on my neck and apologized for all he put me through. We watched a movie as a family and sent baby girl to bed then we went to bed and for the first time in a very long time I actually fell asleep wrapped in his arms and didn’t feel like he was holding me because I wanted him to, this time it felt like he genuinely wanted to hold me. I feel asleep feeling safe and loved.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not going to completely forget about the past several years of being ignored and being let down over and over but I’m going to enjoy the change and attention because I’m not sure if it’s going to last or not I hope it does because I could use to it.

As you all can see I’m going to fight for my happy ending.
Blackangel Blackangel
46-50, F
9 Responses May 7, 2012

Stay vigilant. It is not at all uncommon for a spouse to make an effort and even engage in sex and quality time when they truly believe the refused might walk. What is uncommon is for it to would be the time to go to therapy to do the work to truly heal this and not wait for it to start again. Good luck

It seems you are bringing the requisite resolve to the table still.<br />
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He has come to the table. That's good.<br />
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Now you'll see exactly "what" of a sustainable nature, he is bringing to the table.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I so wanted to just sit here and wade in my pity...your story was absolutely uplifting. Thank you so much for sharing.

so there are happy endings after all~

Might I dare to suggest that you don't just hope for the best but that you consider being proactive (so hate that word)? Talk about how good the weekend was. What was positive about it. Why maybe things seem to have changed. Whether he maybe is depressed with the futility of life, what the real options are when thinking like that, or whatever. There is nothing to be ashamed about being depressed but it is also possible to be depressed without actually acknowledging you are depressed because it can vary to much in intensity and duration. I know someone who when their divorce became final took to their bed for three days but was adamant that they weren't really depressed. My private thought was, "Really? I think during those three days you were very definitely depressed, it just didn't last that long with that level of intensity. AND I suspect they have been pretty well depressed long-term since that, albeit less acutely. Self-denial like that can be a pain in the *** not just for any bystanders but for the individual themselves. There would really be no sin in discussing that with your partner. That is supposedly another advantage in not being a loner. Loners generally deal with depression very badly.

Well we have to do some work. :-) <br />
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My husband is a good guy I just believe he depressed. He has never been the same since his dad passed away suddenly a few years ago. HIm and his sister both went into a depression his sister realized her problem and is trying to fix it but him being a guy he won't admit he's depressed.

Congrats to you. I'm jealous :)

GREAT start. Maybe you will be one of the sucess stories we see every once in a blue moon. Now quit typing & go jump his<br />
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Bang Away<br />
NSH :-)

Most excellent! I hope it continues for you. :)