I Did It

It happened two hours ago. 

On April 16th we were together for 15 years. Easter passed, our Anniversary passed and yesterday was my birthday. He did not even acknowledge my birthday. He did not acknowledge ME. No Happy Birthday, no card, nothing. I received cards, well wishes, hugs, emails, phone calls and was taken out for drinks twice that day. All of this activity and I know there was no way he could have forgotten. 

So, today I looked at him and calmly said. You have pissed me off. His reply, Why? Yesterday was my birthday and you did not even wish me Happy Birthday. He said, Sorry.

I then said to him. Its clear, we are DONE. I didn't raise my voice. I spoke calmly and he repeated my words. Yes, we are done.

He asked me how long I had felt like this and I told him 3+ years. I told him I had done everything to let him know and he asked me who else knew we were done. I told him a close friend knew I was going to do this and he asked me why I didn't talk to him. I didn't talk to him because I didn't want to hurt him, upset him and to be honest I didn't want the drama.

Our back story, we have slept in separate bedrooms for 10 our of 15 years and have not been intimate for 4 years. When we were intimate I was the initiator. Always. My belief is that sex is healthy and normal for any relationship. Its important. I don't need it three times a day but even once a week would have been great. I felt as though I was a flower withering away.   When we stopped having sex I tried to understand. Then, the understanding started fights. He is still the same man who he was 15 years ago. I have changed, I am not the same woman. I am interested in growth, experiences and learning. He is happy to exist. 

The next step is to sort the house and put it on the market. He talked of staying and living as roommates as we have been and I have said no. Why continue on as we have been if we are both unhappy. I want both of us to get on with our lives. My focus is to ensure that we act as adults, are fair and treat each other with respect. Its not going to be easy but the result is the reward. Happiness

Right now, my brain feels full. I feel tired. I have a headache. 

seemedlikeagoodideaatthetime seemedlikeagoodideaatthetime
36-40, F
18 Responses May 8, 2012

I can certainly sympathize with you, I am in the same situation. We raised five kids and when they were grown up and on their own, we realized over the years being so busy we had grown apart and become different people with very different interests. Sex has just plain disappeared. Not sure what is going to happen next. Have had opportunities for some side relationships but so far have not acted on them. Maybe it is time to just say it is over and move on...............

please you can add me , i wish all is perfect for you , please be extra carefull and i wish you can have a wonderfull day Jean-Pierre XXXX
Happy Birthday sweety :)

Happy. Birthday,
Happy Easter!
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year. 2013 !
You deserve some Attention. !
Best Wishes for You and the course(s) you chose Now. !

I am so sorry for what you are going through :,( I wish i could hug you.<br />
<br />
Um, nothing weird, but I am 19 male. My name is Aakash. I am from California and if you ever want to talk/rant/vent about anything, maybe you can call or text me? 1 408 772 8919. Again, I mean nothing weird and I may not be of much help but talking about things does help ease some stress. If you ever feel bored or lonely or just want to talk about ANYTHING, just call or text? Again, I know this sounds weird but I mean nothing weird at all. I would love to hear from you :) Just tell me who you are haha.

I think it is good you stood your ground and said no to being roommates and are going to get on with your lives. I imagine the you feel like a huge burden was lifted.

Belated Happy Birthday and best wishes to you. You've gotten through the hardest part, I think. The rest will tug and pull at you but once you've made a decision, things have a way of falling into place.<br />
<br />
Be happy!

I only hope for the same outcome in my dreadful marriage. As of May 1st it would be 19 years of bad marriage and I want OUT!<br />
<br />
I started the DIVORCE proceedings this past SUMMER only for my crazy husband to convince me I was wrong and guilt ridden me to STOP the DIVORCE.<br />
<br />
I now live with him calling me crazy, needing psychiatriac counseling and mentally making my LIFE a living nightmare.<br />
<br />
Now call it what you may, but I have gone through 2 affairs and I am now on my THIRD affair with someone. It's not REVENGE, its SANITY for me.<br />
<br />
I can't stand going HOME, I can't STAND looking at him, I can't stand ever thinking about HAVING SEX with him and guess what....HE's alright with it.<br />
<br />
He's cheap and would rather live in a sexless, dismal marriage with me rather than GRANT ME A DIVORCE. He has refused, and has made me to feel like its MY FAULT!<br />
<br />
He calls me selfish, tries to verbally and mentally ABUSE me...but I rather eat s$#@ off a knitting needle than to allow him to ABUSE ME.<br />
<br />
So I creep,

Talk to a Divorce Lawyer ( again? ).
You deserve to hear another point of view other than a man who doesn't cherish you.

what a waste of a life if you have to go through that, keep your chin up and get on with your life, paul in scotland

Congrats. Keep your strength and see it through.

"My focus is to ensure that we act as adults, are fair and treat each other with respect".<br />
<br />
Bear in mind you are only half of the dynamic and have no control over how he will behave.<br />
<br />
For that reason alone, a consultation for you with a lawyer in your jurisdiction would be very wise.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Congratulations & Happy Birthday....its great to feel alive...

Wow, good for you, I wish you love and the best of luck.

you have done the right thing if it is not working you have to just move on<br />
<br />
please add me

If your husband asked if you cheated, what would you say?

i'd tell him the truth

Ron get a girlfriend and forget the chasity part

Bless your heart, and it isn't a cold dead heart. When calm arrives, it is so powerful an bulldozer couldn't run over you. I wish you a brillant future.

Glad you are moving on.<br />
Enjoy your new life!

Oh, well done. Keep us up to date on your progress!

Good for you. Now thats what i call presenting him with the account for his actions and demanding he pay up.<br />
<br />
Good Girl, you have now upset his perfect little world where he was content to live in a room mate scenario with all the frintge benefits of marriage.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck